My husbands wife takes care of my daughter and he doesn't: Thoughts?

Hi, I have a six-year-old daughter with a guy that left us when she was 15 days old. Never cared about seeing her. I was the one who would send him pictures of her and tell him to go see her… well He got a girlfriend right after we broke up and the girl wanted my daughter with them and made him fight with me about visitations and about my daughter sleeping over at his house so she looked for a lawyer and he started the whole process. We went to court, and he got one day a week and every other weekend with them. I don’t have a problem with his wife, whom he married about two years ago. We have gotten along good, and we have been civil. My problem is that she is the one who does everything to my daughter. He doesn’t do anything to her. The wife has a niece, and he leaves my daughter at her niece’s house to sleep on his time and doesn’t tell me anything. I only knew because my daughter told me the next day when I picked her up from school. Also, I called him Friday night because I had a missed call from him and when I asked him if everything was ok because I had a call from him he said oh it butt-dialed… and I said oh ok how is “blank” he said she went to see my nephew with my wife and it was 9:30 pm and her bedtime is at 9 or 9:30 pm. So I got upset and asked him why she is with his wife instead of being with him and why she’s in the street when she’s supposed to be getting ready to sleep, and he said because I want her to be and because I said so screaming. My shared time is with him, and my daughter is always out with his wife instead of being with him, who I have shared time with. He also has a 14-year-old niece that he told me not long ago that is gonna babysit her overnight when he goes out with the wife… I didn’t agree with that. Also, through the court, we are supposed to ask each other to babysit if we have to go out and not use other people, especially another kid. He wants to go back to court for more time with her if I’m not ok with all this nonsense. Also, I put my daughter in swim lessons, and yesterday she had class, and they took her, so when my daughter was out of the pool, she went and took her to the changing room to change her before I even got a chance to do it. I am the mother!!! I’m i wrong? How would you ladies feel about this whole situation? I want to know if I am overreacting.


Why I understand he should want to spend time with his daughter. It’s nice she wants her. As for the swimming thing not a big deal


So he doesn’t have to follow your “rules” when she’s with him. And his wife is involved with your daughter. Would you rather he have a bitter wife who has nothing to do with her? The swimming thing…stop being petty.


He’s not your husband. SMH. She’s there so yes she’s going to take care of your daughter.


I would say be glad that her stepmom is so good to her and wanting to do things with and for her, HOWEVER her father needs to step up and be a parent and not leave it all on his wife. I would tell him, before we change the visitation you need to follow the one that’s in place and communicate with me better, this is our daughter.


It sucks but at least someone is taking care of her. I don’t think the changing is a big deal, but if it is to you then maybe tell her you’d rather do it.


If he isn’t following the custody agreement take him to court for it. Otherwise there’s nothing you can do unless you can prove abuse/neglect. At least you know there is someone there who takes care of your daughter and steps up for her. As far as the changing thing, that isn’t some random woman changing her. You seem like you are on edge in general with them so you’re nit picking


“My husbands wife takes care of my daughter”:thinking: does she mean ex husband? I’m confused :joy:


You know something what she does at her dads is his buisness hes the father he should get more time with her what makes you superior


Unfortunately you are not in charge of what he does with his time… my ex dropped my daughter at grandmas most the time. The judge explained he gets to do what he wants. Unless endangering of course. She is loved… that sounds nice.


I would be thankful he has such an awesome wife who puts your daughter first


I think you are obsessing about this. She will grow up and realize he didn’t do anything. Be thankful she has a step mom that loves her!! Step back and quit digging into what’s going on when she is not with you. She isn’t being abused or mistreated.


I guess I’m not in this kind of situation so I can’t really speak but I personally think you’re overreacting. If my husband and I separated, I’d be overjoyed for my daughter to have another woman who wants to love her and take care of her alongside her father. Don’t look at her as competition… you guys should be all in this together. The babysitting thing you should maybe discuss as if they’re going out, you should probably have her but maybe your daughter enjoys spending time with your ex’s niece.


You should work with the other parent (stepmom) directly. Set some boundaries and enforce them. She’s clearly the one parenting and quite possibly the only reason your daughter has any relationship with her father. Act in the best interests of your child.


Honey be thankful the stepmom is involved and cares about her. It could be the other end if the spectrum.


I don’t see any problem


You can’t control what happens at his house. In my opinion it’s good for your daughter to receive as much love as possible in life. Your ex’s wife can love her too. As long as she’s treating her well then leave it be. He’s taking on the role how he wants to and I doubt he never spends time with her if she’s usually at his house with his wife. Maybe she felt she was helping you by changing her, that’s really a small issue I’d just let it go.


It doesnt matter what goes on in their house. It’s not up to you to tell him how to father.

As long as your daughter is safe is all that matters. You need to move on with your life.


The wife needs to be told the rules and respect them other than that she has an awesome step mom

Leave them alone! You’re being extremely petty