My in laws constantly go behind my back and exclude me: Thoughts?

I have in-laws who always seem to exclude me or go behind my back when at all possible. I have discussed this with my husband, and he has told them how I’d felt a couple of times in the past. It’s never really changed much, and I’ve learned to live with it as long as they aren’t blatantly disrespectful to my face. The way I see it is if they want to have ugly hearts behind closed doors, that’s on them and not my problem. So today, I was on Snapchat on my hub’s phone (I don’t have a snap, so I’ll use his for the filters sometimes), and a message comes through from his sister saying oh, I was gonna facetime the kids but nvm. I didn’t think anything of it, but when I went to swipe the notification away, I opened it instead and saw my name. So basically, she asked if my husband was at home with our two kids and if I was at work. He replied yes that he was at home and that I had just gotten home from work, why? To which she replied the message (stated above) that I had accidentally opened. There have been other similar conversations in the past like this one, and I’m mad because they always make me feel like some sort of outsider, but above that, I feel hurt by my husband because I feel like he doesn’t stand up for me and it shouldn’t be my place to say anything to them. However, I’m really ready to just explode on these people. I constantly bite my tongue, and it’s like a poison slowly spreading. Am I reading too far into this because of the built-up animosity I have, or is there reason to feel hurt by her comment? Also, what would you all do if your husband has already talked to them, but things just don’t seem to change?

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You aren’t crazy for feeling the way you feel. You have a right to because they are wrong and that is blatantly disrespectful to ask and it is disrespectful for him to continue to allow it also.

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Were they like this before you married him?

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Confront them yourself just ask straight up what their problem Is with you

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Weirdos stay away all together

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Personally I look at things as, if your a couple your classed as 1 so if they can’t accept you they shouldn’t accept him, you should be treated equally as your married your part of the family, if your husband is allowing it and don’t say anything I would make a point of making it known to them your not okay with it :woman_shrugging:

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It sounds like they just don’t like you.
Do they have any reason to dislike you?
Maybe text his sister yourself, explain that you saw the message, & ask what the problem is.

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I would move on if he can’t stand up for u may be u need a better mate

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I would say something to all of them, even if your husband’s already told them how you feel… You should confront them and tell them yourself!! Atleast they’ll get the point of how your feeling. I would want to know what there problem is with me and if there’s anything we can do to fix the relationship.

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It won’t ever change. My husband has never given me my place when it comes to his family. Almost 15 years married and I am 2nd class.

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That passive aggressive type of behavior is not good for you or your health. I know b/c I’m in the exact same boat and react the exact same way.

But now I confront the shit they say…or dont say. I pick my battles b/c not all battles are worth fighting for

Whatever you do, please dont let thier toxic attitude take up anymore of your energy than it already has.

You need to confront them your self and I would do it when there all around even your husband. You said your husband has already said something, nothings change now it’s your turn.

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I would cut them out of my life. If you cant respect me then you dont get to be apart of my family.

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It’s your husbands job to stand up for you against his family. But if I were you I’d wait for a quiet family gathering at home, send the kids to a play room and bring it all up to their faces. Put them on the spot and demand answers.

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I can understand this. My parents exclude my fiance even after I have told them how he feels about it. I now have boundaries that I put in place that it’s either all of us or none of us. We are a family and will be treated as such. If they don’t like it, then cutting them off is what will happen. I’m not afraid to cut them off because of their immaturity.

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Let your husband grow up… men take longer to mature. Let them all stay ugly and you stay sweet. He’ll see soon enough

I can’t relate, but it wouldn’t be a bad idea to bring it up in person and talk it through rationally just to get peace of mind.

Maybe they don’t like you. Guess what…they don’t have to. :woman_shrugging:t2: Raise your kid(s), love your husband & live your life. #clearlytheyrenotchanging

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I don’t think it will ever change. If he’s not standing up for you and the sister is comfortable sending him messages like that , he’s probably enabling it or part of the problem too. He might even be fuelling the fire behind your back when he’s with them.

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Either tell you husband to stand up for you or you’re going to stand up for yourself.

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