My in laws show up all the time without telling us: Advice?

My in-laws are driving me crazy! My MIL just retired, and her husband doesn’t work! They really are great, but they come over ALL THE TIME! With no heads up, no asking if we’re busy, no question if we’re even home! We live over an hour away from them! While I absolutely love them, some days I just wanna relax at home! For family events, I invite people over at a certain time for a reason! My BIL doesn’t speak to them no longer because his wife won’t allow him or his six kids to see them! It’s crazy, so I feel bad for them! And in no way will ever take their grandkids away like that, but I’ve asked my husband to say something to them! To give a heads up when they’re on their way, & on family event days, to ask them not to show up 3 hours early! I really don’t think that’s asking too much, but he says it’s rude! But I’m at my wit’s end and don’t know what else to do! Any advice is appreciated! And just to be clear, I do love my in-laws, & they are wonderful grandparents to my kids; I know I’m very blessed! Am I just being too petty?

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You are not in any way wrong for feeling that way

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Needing personal space isn’t petty your man needs to have a gentle word or just lock your door :joy:

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So family events! Give them a time with that 3 hr span so they show up with all the others😁

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That would kill me lol No advice just some support that you’re not wrong for feeling that way. My daughter lives 20 minutes away and I’m not driving over and risking her not being home. My MIL lives in another country so I can’t relate.

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Not petty at all. Honestly, I’m sure they’d appreciate you talking to them instead of your husband! Just tell them how you feel, and that it isn’t a personal thing or meant to offend them, that you appreciate them and how amazing they are, but you feel more comfortable if they considered you and your time. Sometimes you have to do it that way.

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Your not wrong in feeling that way. I would politely ask them to talk to you or ask you when the best time for you for them to come visit. Especially with them being an hour away.

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No you’re not wrong! Your husband needs to set boundaries with them!

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Your not wrong in the slightest but please grab every moment you can as I don’t get that kinda relationship with my own parents! And well I won’t go into detail as I would be here all day, but your man needs to step and show you some support and give them a gentle talking to xx

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Yes you are being very petty as you put it and also very rude you should be glad they wont to be in ya’ll life and do come see y’all because most in laws dont even make the effort to see the married kids and grand kids and if they didnt come to see y’all they would be the worst so I say to you you should be ashamed of yourself for even asking your husband to tell them to call before they come you can’t have the cake and eat it to :christmas_tree:

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You’re not wrong. Have the husband communicate that :heart:
But back in their days, it really was just like that… “Show up, doors open policy” especially for loved ones.

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I don’t think you’re being petty. Healthy boundaries are important and okay to have. I don’t think you’re asking for much. Just a little communication and a little respect.

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For the family events, it’s honestly easier to plan that you’ll have early guests and start a list of things they can do to help. Even if that’s keeping an eye on the kids or running the vacuum. For the average weekend, have an escape plan at the ready, and say “darn, I was just heading out for groceries/ mani pedi/ target run, if you’d let me know you were coming I would have planned around it.”Whatever. Just answer the door like you were getting ready to head out. Either they want to be a frequent fixture in your home and don’t mind pitching in folding laundry or starting dinner, or they want to be a guest and therefore need to follow protocol and wait for an invitation or arrangement for visiting. Either way you should not feel guilty standing up for your time at home.

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I would approach them myself, starting off with telling them how much you love them, then say that you really need to have a heads up when they plan to visit before they leave because you don’t want them to drive all the way to your home when you might have other plans, also you need to be able to plan meals and would really prefer at to know they want to visit at least a day ahead of time. Also tell them you don’t want them arriving more than half an hour before the time you give them, unless they are arriving so early to try to help, put them to work if it is a big family dinner have your mother-in-law help with the food prep and cooking. Also keep in mind they are old and won’t live forever. Be glad your kids get to know their grandparents many of us grew up without grandparents.

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:raising_hand_woman:t2:
Let them come.
Put them to work, are there things you’d like to have done but don’t really have time?
Like clean out the fridge or the linen closet, replace lightbulbs, your kids need to study…
They are needing to feel useful!
It is okay to set boundaries, like please call before you come or let’s do only Tuesday and Thursday.
:heart:

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Have you ever watched Everybody loves Raymond

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Not petty, no one wants people in their house all the time.

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I have a question, is this how your family does things? Does your mom and dad, sisters, brothers call before they show up? Just wondering how your family is.

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I wouldn’t complain at all. They WANT to be involved. They WANT to see your family. A lot of parents/grandparents aren’t involved at all. Enjoy it, because one day they will be gone and you’ll wish they were still around to “pop in”.

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Boundaries are a healthy thing not Petty

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