My in laws try to parent our son over us: Advice?

I need advice on in-laws. My in-laws are amazing people, but when it comes to their grandson, they will do whatever he wants regardless of what my husband and I think of it. My father-in-law will say out loud as he does something. “I know mom said no, but I don’t care.” It’s always said as a joke, but my son is 18 months old, and I don’t want that to become the standard. Overall it’s not a big issue, but right now, my son is going through a phase where he is throwing food at meals, throwing fits because he thinks it’ll get him what he wants, etc. and my father-in-law just feeds into it. If my son throws something on the floor and my husband and I are telling him no, my father-in-law is laughing and throwing stuff too. I’m at a loss. I know he doesn’t mean harm by it, but it’s not helping, and my son thinks it’s funny. We see them minimum every Saturday for the afternoon/evening, and the behavior is something my son is bringing home with him.

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Sit down and calmly discuss boundaries, let him know that you are his parents, and he can’t be going against your wishes. Its disrespectful towards both of you, and will teach your son that he doesn’t need to listen to what you say.

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That’s grandparents. Get used to it. Try having a ex wife that does same shit. Kids are nightmares when they come home from her weekend. Just gotta be the better person and muddle thru it.

Have a long talk with them and tell them both until they can respect you two as parents the visits will come to a stop. I know that sounds harsh but y’all are his parents and make the decisions on how he is raised. Do not let anyone undermine you on that ever.

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Absolutely do not allow that. They are teaching him it’s okay to disrespect you and not follow your rules.

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Honestly I’d give them an ultimatum considering they are encouraging bad behavior - so itd be either they show the proper way and don’t encourage or you’ll start cutting back time around them

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Do not allow him to say that. When mom and dad say No, that’s what it means. In-laws shouldnt override what you guys say. It will eventually instill in the child he can do whatever he wants. I am going thru this same exact thing. Put your foot down before their 7 years old & expect them to do whatever they want

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Just tell them that he is your child and that they have to respect your rules

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Your kid your rules. They had their turn to be parents and now it’s time for them to get in the backseat and shutup.

They can abide by it or I’m sure stopping all visits will get them in line real quick. Essentially you have to treat them like children given they are acting like children

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They’re grandparents. It’s their job to give your children what you wont… WITHIN REASON. I suggest talking to them and letting them know that your final word is law. And that you dont mind them spoiling, but within restriction. Listen. I’m a grandparent. We just like the parent want only the best. And its extremely hard not to spoil. And I can admit, I do only out of love. It’s not their job to raise or disciple or say no. That’s your job. Get it. I’m sure having and open conversation and compromising on some things will work.

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“Stop it or we wont come back” easy peasy!..I mean, feel free to word it differently, but the message still stands!

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It’s once a week when it starts getting out of hand while there make some excuse to leave. Been there. Better than causing family problems.

The next time it occurs, get up from the table grab your son and walk out both you and your husband tell him this Behavior will not be tolerated and you also tell your father-in-law your behavior will not be tolerated either!

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Um nip that shit now or it will be more of a issue I know 1st hand and because as his mom I was ignored when I told my son something and his papaw that it a good idea to go against me he doesn’t see my son very much now per me as not letting him

Let your in-laws see that your child gets punished for this behavior and if your father in law is feeding into it, they are making it worse for your son. I’m not saying take it out on your son, but let the in-laws know that, just because they think it’s funny, your son will still be corrected and they are making it a bigger problem.

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Tell him he either listens and respects what you say to your son or you no longer turn up with him.

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Nope! When my mother in law tried this I took what was given to my child and I said calmly, I told you no and grandma doesn’t get to decide otherwise. Grandma didn’t try that again, but she hates me and we haven’t spoken in 5 years.

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Have a family meeting

He’s just a baby. And they’re being grandparents. That’s what we do. Like ice cream for breakfast, anything that makes them happy. When baby is old enough he’ll realize there’s another set of rules for grandparents. They get to be the fun ones. I sure wish my mother or inlaws were still here to spoil mine.

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Sounds like they are trying to be the fun grandparent to me just ask them to calm it down a little or take the opportunity for you and your husband to leave and spend time with each other. Kids usually have 2 sets of grandparents. The ones that can’t afford to buy things are usually the fun ones whereas the ones that can afford things are not.

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