To start, my husband & I have two kids under four years old and live in the same town as both of our parents (the kid’s grandparents). Several months ago my hubs & I had a conversation regarding holidays. Every single holiday is spent running around to make sure we see both families, it’s stressful for me, and it’s really making me hate holidays instead of enjoying them - this includes Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, Halloween, Mother’s & Father’s Day. When we spoke about it, I expressed my desire to start spending Christmas at home with our children, only starting NEXT year so that we can create our own family traditions. He agreed, and the conversation was over. We shared this news with my family; they agreed it was a good idea and had absolutely no complaints. Well…I told his mother today; she didn’t say much, so I assumed it was a done deal. My husband gets home from work & I find out his dad sent him a text, and everyone is now upset with me. My husband now agrees with his parents, saying we should spend Christmas with them, and when he was talking to his dad, he basically threw me under the bus as if he hadn’t agreed to this months prior. I’m leaving out a LOT of the bad guy accusations that were thrown at me, but in short, I want to know… If something like this was incredibly important to you, but also incredibly important to the other party, how do you handle it? This is the only request I’ve ever made that involves them. I show up & do everything they ask of us. But knowing how they are, if I try to stand my ground (like I REALLY want to do), this could be the splitting point of my relationship with them (and possibly), my husband. I don’t think it’s wrong for me to want one holiday with my kids. But here I feel like I have to be the one to suck it up for the sake of someone else’s feelings. So, what would you do in my shoes?
Tell them to come to u
If your husband already agrees then he needs to be a man and explain that to his own parents then instead of making it look like it’s just you wanting to change things and make your own traditions. He should have had your back instead of how he handled it.
Spend Christmas at home and Christmas eve with them! that’s what we do with my in laws and it works for them.
I’d tell him I don’t appreciate being thrown under the bus. And then invite them to spend Christmas at your house. You will be at home & not rushed… and they still are involved. If they choose not to come, that’s on them.
This used to happen to us. I finally decided to host the holidays at our house or maybe do Christmas Eve at ur in-laws and Christmas at ur house?
Pick another day to spend with them. You’re allowed to start your own traditions.
Yes. Start a family “tradition” of taking your kids and husband away from their family Then when you get divorced you’ll only have your kids every other Christmas to make these tradition with them.
Stand your ground anyway. You are not wrong. Your husbands priority is to you and his children. Even at the risk of hurting feelings. You can’t always cater to your in-laws. It’s time to start your own traditions, regardless of what that looks like to others.
Simple your family your rules!
See if they are open to maybe a fake Christmas before or after so that way you can have Christmas day to do with ur family
Tell them they can come see you guys.? You guys just aren’t going out of the house.
We did the same thing a few years ago and it is amazinggg. People can stop by and visit and we do a holiday thing on Christmas eve but we no longer spend Christmas running from house to house. Less stress for us and for the kids who just want to sit and play with their new stuff. We enjoy it so much more.
Simply don’t leave . Tell them that if they want to see y’all then they can stop by the house on Christmas.
I have a huge family. Christmas is already expensive as is, so what we did last year was everyone put together a little bit of cash (it was only $150 for the night) and rented a little hall! We all pitched in to decorate, everyone would bring food, set up and we even brought a little speaker to play music! Parents brought a gift for their own children from “Santa”. There was room to dance, we had an uncle dress up as Santa for the kids, brought a tree from home and everything. It was so much fun, no one had the stress of not having enough space for anyone, all of our families and friends could fit together! The kids in the family now have these amazing memories, knowing they have so many people who love them and want to be with them on Christmas. Another thing: Plastic plates and everything! Easy clean up, no messy home, it’s great.
It’s amazing to create memories as a little family, but I feel like it’s not good to isolate your children especially during the holidays. It’s not good to isolate yourself, either! Family is so important and these memories will last forever. I think this time of year is time to let go of any grudges or negativity towards anyone and make sure your babies have the best time possible.
You can always have your own little Christmas before or after that as well.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to enjoy your holidays with your children. Do not feel guilty. Good luck getting your husband on the same page as you. Maybe plan another day 24th or 26th or whatever and invite his parents over to spend some time with their grandchildren.
Invite them to your house
I’m in the same boat. Last Christmas I told his family if they wanted to see us they could come to our house. Which then turned into us hosting Xmas for his family. I preferred that though rather than spending the day in the car. I did the same thing with Thanksgiving this year. You could always tell them you will spend New Years or another weekend with them to do Xmas.
I could have wrote this myself
No matter what you do, the damage is done. You can’t please everyone. As mom’s we tend to sacrifice our own happiness. And we need to learn our happiness matters as well. Do what is best for you and your family, regardless of pressure from the in laws.
Only u can decide but as a grandmother I would be heartbroken