My mom got upset when I told her I didn't know if I would be at Christmas dinner: Advice?

My mum wanted to know if we were going to go around for Christmas lunch or Christmas dinner and then lost it at me when I said I don’t know because it depends on if the baby’s here or not, but either way, we wanted to spend it with just us as our own little family, and when I suggested maybe doing a family Christmas meal like she wants a few day earlier or later she went even more nuts because what if my step sister wants it on a different day to us, to me it shouldn’t matter what my stepsister wants to do I’m the one who might have a new born or be popping one out any day around then, thank you in advance

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Do what makes you comfortable and given your situation congrats by the way!! and 2020 being an a**hat I don’t think you should have to feel guilty. Its ok to want your first Christmas to be yours! Especially with as far a long as you will be and the unkniwn. you didn’t say you wouldn’t celebrate the holiday you just stated dinner might not happen. As far as people saying she’s your mom it could be your last well that may be true but everyday could be your last for anyone so don’t let that bother you either. I hope you manage to find your answer and just remember as long as you and your spouse are ok with your arrangement and healthy nothing else matters!! Sorry I can’t help

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In my opinion, if you are going to do a family dinner than all family should be included in the date and time. If you choose not to go them so be it. That’s your right. I like having dinners with just my household. I was with you until the whole “What my step sister says shouldn’t matter”. Your opinion or decisions don’t trump anyone elses. Not trying to be rude but yea…Since you are pregnant, having you dinner with your household would probably be better anyways. Let your mom be mad.

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Assuming you’re an adult, do as you like. Your mom sounds like a drama queen, so just ignore it. You’re about to be a mother yourself, she should understand that you new little family comes first. Do it ahead of time to ease stress. Set up a time and day and stick to that regardless of adults throwing toddler-like tantrums.

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Christmas is important to families and she wants to be with u. It’s normal. However with a newborn born right at that time and with covid around it’s NOT a good idea. Do it small and personal and keep it simple a day before or after… …the day is not important as no one knows the exact day of Christmas anyway. Try and be distantly inclusive. Good luck…holidays can be hard to juggle with different families

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Ur mum sounds pretty selfish. Tell her no. U dont even need to explain to her as she should understand completely and should be helping u to not stress about xmas, not being the one who is stressing u out at this time.

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Personally I believe Christmas is about family and bringing everyone together. My brother went away for Christmas once and I was devastated and so were my kids. There was definitely something missing with him not being there. Yes you will have a new baby but everyone will be there to help and they want to see, meet and spend time with the little one. You have all year to be just your own little family why choose Christmas day?

I did the same when my son was born in November. I just said I wasn’t comfortable traveling with ice, snow, new baby and we wanted our own celebration at home. My parents and in laws each came separately so we got to have 3 intimate stress-free gatherings at our house. Suggest she come to you. Babies will make Grandmas do anything! :joy::rofl: Also COVID, NO NEED TO EXPLAIN

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My MIL is similar in wanting stuff her way and her way only. She gets what she gets if she won’t work with us. Past years I was more tolerant about it because my husband has a daughter from 1st marriage. But I have a son now so Either she gets on board or she doesn’t. And with covid, rsv and the flu its not worth exposing them to people they are not usually around anyways or you and your partner at that

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Do what you need to do for YOUR family and let your mother throw her fit by herself.

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Sounds like she needs to consider your needs in this situation.

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I felt this way with my first baby had her 2 weeks before Christmas…just wanted it to be me her and her dad as this was now our family…we couldn’t choose between going his parents and mine without offending anyone so we just said Christmas day we stay home…boxing day we travel to see other family and usualy have a dinner at either or parents one Boxing day the other new year x

I would have told her no. That I would not have wanted to make a decision when I know I could be giving birth any day.
Especially with COVID.
I gave birth in October 2018 and I told everyone to give me 1-2 weeks to myself and husband while we adjusted having a newborn.
And if they did not respect that decision then they dont need to come visit.

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Mums def get upset , mums def like to rule the roost but not in a mean way it’s like all those blood sweat and tears of raising kids is rewarded by Christmas dinners , birthdays , weddings and all those other celebrations that pop up . Any way it’s ok to have your own desires with your own family esp being you are just about to have a baby yourself it will work out just keep in mind mums do get disappointed at times and perhaps acknowledge this with your mum she will come round it’s when you gob them off that hurts like not acknowledging their disappointment and one last thing your children will disappoint you one day that’s a fact.

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Go ahead with your plans for your own little family. Let your mom deal with whatever her “own” issues are. If she controls things now imagine how she’ll be when the baby is here. I have an adult daughter and I always support her with her decisions. :heart:

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So my youngest sons bday is december 21st. I deat with this almost 3 years ago when he was born. We stayed home. I told everyone i wasnt going out because i have a newborn. So they all came to us and the ones mad about it stayed away

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Older mom here-
My children are 28 and 25. As a mom we want the family to be together for the Holidays. We plan and call and plan and call. Then we get “we don’t know, if we are coming.” Or not sure (basically children are waiting for a better offer and do not want to commit.)
Then 4 days before children decides. Ok we are coming and expect us to all it all ready. I remember doing this to my mother, too. I remember her finally losing it and saying we will celebrate Thanksgiving at 1:00 sharp and food put away at 1:45. If you want to show up great if not fine.
I am doing this exact thing this year. I don’t want to wait around to see if my children want to come or not.
Now you said you have having a baby… totally understandable you don’t want to take the baby out. Then say that …but when you take the baby everywhere else (store, nail salon, Walmart) it makes us feel taken for granted.

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A parent has too accept that when their children get married that they have two families now so when the Holidays come around they have to split up their time. When my children got married, I realized that and that was ok. I didn’t want to make it hard on them. So I accepted that. I told them whatever they had to do, do it. But do you know what what my three sons said , mom we’ll be home for Christmas cause it wouldn’t be Christmas if we didn’t come home! That made my Christmas!!! I Love my 3 Sons to the moon and back.

We go to my grandparents for holidays they have always been lunch will be at noon Sharp and dinner is at 6 sharp if u show up you show up if not you don’t doesn’t matter yes they want everyone there but stuff happens and they understand I don’t think that u should be think ur situation trumps over anyone else if u don’t want to go don’t go

Birth of your baby trumps, no pun intended, the holiday dinner. You could deliver early, late, only baby knows. Have your own holiday dinner,