My Mom Got Very Upset When I Said My Family Likely Wouldn't Attend Christmas Dinner: Advice?

QUESTION:

"My mum wanted to know if we were going to go around for Christmas lunch or Christmas dinner and then lost it at me when I said I don’t know because it depends on if the baby’s here or not.

But either way, we wanted to spend it with just us as our own little family, and when I suggested maybe doing a family Christmas meal like she wants a few days earlier or later she went even more nuts. Because what if my step sister wants it on a different day than us?

To me it shouldn’t matter what my stepsister wants to do; I’m the one who might have a newborn or be popping one out any day around then. Thank you in advance."

RELATED QUESTION: My family tries to make me feel bad for staying home during the pandemic: Advice?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

“We are in the middle of a pandemic: no one should be planning holiday gatherings of more than their immediate family anyway. Newborns should be very limited in exposure to others even when there is no pandemic.”

“I get where you are coming from. But to me, Christmas has always been the whole family getting together. Yeah, you have your own family now. But the rest of your family is still your family as well.”

“At some point in life, the person who always had dinner at their house is going to realize their children are going to want some changes. I hated it when my kids wanted to do their own things, but it’s normal. New babies should be protected for a period of time… that is normal too.”

“Just do you, mama. Establish now that Christmas Day is your family’s day. If they wanna do Christmas Eve or the day after then you’ll be there; if not… shrug! They obviously don’t care that much to choose a different day and don’t respect the fact you have your own family now.”

“Honey, tell her to simmer down. A new baby, normal winter germs, covid, and childbirth recovery are not to be messed with when you have a newborn. If she is going to be selfish then she gets NOTHING.”

“Girl, I am due next week Friday with our 3rd child. I don’t plan on going to Thanksgiving or Christmas this year. We will have 3 under 3 & would like time to heal & adjust. You offered up an alternative & she didn’t take so if she doesn’t want to meet halfway then I wouldn’t worry about it. She will get over it, you’re allowed to make your own decisions for your family. I still plan on having dinner with my mom & siblings & my spouse’s parents & siblings but that’s about it nothing with the rest of our extended families for my sanity. You do whatever you feel is best for you!!”
“I wouldn’t expose a newborn to a big family dinner this year. I’d be too stressed out and anxious to enjoy the holiday. I had to have an unexpected c-section and wanted to be alone for a few weeks. The family should be more understanding.”

“Definitely stay home… making it clear now will be easier than if you wait and honestly it’s way more fun to spend it in your jammies with your kids and spouse, especially when the kids get older. You will find something that works for everyone and her attitude proves you are making the right decision.”

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9 Likes

Just do you mama. Establish now that Christmas Day is your families day. If they wanna do Christmas Eve or day after then you’ll be there if not :woman_shrugging:t4: they obviously don’t care that much to choose a different day and don’t respect the fact you have your own family now.

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My boyfriend and I are staying home for Christmas because this is our first Christmas as a family with our son. We had our son in June and this is the one holiday we want to spend just the three of us. Do what you want and don’t back down or give in. There’s going to be hurt feelings, but your feelings matter more :yellow_heart:

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Your mom should understand you have your own family now.i understand

As a kid we would have everyone together Christmas eve at my grandparents and Christmas day everyone stayed home with their own little family…always worked for us…

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Definitely stay home… making it clear now will be easier than if you wait and honestly its way more fun to spend the it in your jammies with your kids and spouse, especially when the kids get older. You will find something that works for everyone and her attitude proves you are making the right decision.

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Your mom sounds a bit self centered…she needs to understand you are your own family now.

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I get where you are coming from. But to me Christmas has always been the whole family getting together. Yeah you have your own family now. But the rest of your family is still your family as well.

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Your mom has no right yo be mad at your for that especially when you are expected to have a newborn baby. Just ignore her she’ll get over it its not like its the last Christmas ever.

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Do what you feel is right. Never allow anyone to pressure you into something you don’t feel is right. If your mom is mad that’s her problem.

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I went to Thanksgiving on my due date and had my son 30 minutes after leaving. I left before dinner but it meant alot to my family to at least pop in for a minute.

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I am going thru something similar as you! Im due November 12th and I don’t plan on doing anything for Thanksgiving this year. I told my family and at first they were iffy about it but I explained to them that im the one that is going to be popping out a baby and if I don’t feel like going im not going to go. They were understanding after I explained it. I hope everything goes well for you!! :heart::heart:

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Girl, I am due next week Friday with our 3rd child. I don’t plan on going to Thanksgiving or Christmas this year. We will have 3 under 3 & would like time to heal & adjust. You offered up an alternative & she didn’t take so if she doesn’t want to meet halfway then I wouldn’t worry about it. She will get over it, your allowed to make your own decisions for your family. I still plan on having a dinner with my mom & siblings & my spouses parents & siblings but that’s about it nothing with the rest of our extended families for my sanity. You do whatever you feel is best for you!!

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You’re an adult. Do what you want to do. Who cares if your mom is upset. You’re allowed to do Christmas however you want to do. If she doesn’t want to make other plans, then that’s her problem.

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Explain to her for the safety of the new baby you need to limit the babys exposure to big groups of people.

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You do what you want when you want, if your mum wants to be a sook so be it

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This as a mother and Grandma I know a new baby is precious and not to be around lots of people. So I encouragedmy kids to start their own tradition with their little one/s. Then go visit later to those who you need to visit or schedule a time for them to visit you. Its a new start with a new baby and traditions. I had to do that with mine and we agreed to come together in the evining for desserts and stress free evening

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My son was born nov 15th 2010. He was my first. I was super excited to have holidays with the family. Thanksgiving went great but then Christmas Eve he had an unplanned surgery and we spent our first Christmas in the hospital. Our family did their thing on Christmas Day and came to see us and then we all got together New Year’s Day for our Christmas celebration. We were so worried about how it would turn out but in the end everything went great. The hustle and bustle of Christmas was over by then we were all so much more relaxed
Do what you feel is best for you. Include your step sister in on the conversation. She may feel like it’s a great idea. You never know.

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Your kid, your life, your choice

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You do what’s comfortable for YOU. End of story.

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