My mom is newly separated after many years of marriage. A few months ago, she said she wanted to get back out there and try dating again. (My feelings on that - she should take time to work on herself and heal before trying to fill the void with another man. But! She is an adult, and we wanted to support her.) She talked to my siblings and me about it. We all agreed she is an adult, and we want her to be happy. The one thing that we asked was that she did not bring random men over to the house. The reason for this is because my little sister still lives in that home (she’s in her early 20’s), and there’s no reason to bring strangers into her home and her space. We said if you want to date… Go for it! Go out on dates, go do activities, heck- go to your dates house if you want, but please don’t bring them to the family home. At least until she really knows them and things are serious. She agreed and even laughed at us for thinking she would be so careless to bring strangers home. Our thoughts are purely from a safety standpoint. She’s meeting random men on dating websites and naively trusting what they tell her right away and giving her address out. Online dating is great, and I’m sure there are a lot of good people to meet out there, but it still makes sense to use some caution with anyone new that you meet. It turns out…she has been bringing men over to the house when my sister is out of the house or out of town. She has brought three different men over that we know of in the last five months. It really bothers me that she doesn’t care that this could potentially be dangerous, and she only thinks about herself. She brings them over when my sister is gone and doesn’t tell anyone she’s having someone over. My biggest fear is her having a bad person over and them hurting my mom and waiting for my sister to come home and hurting her too. If she lived all by herself and wanted to do this, then that’s fine because she is only putting herself at risk and no one else. We told her if she wants to do this, then we will find another place for my sister to live. She got very sad and promised she wouldn’t do it again, but we found out she recently did it again. I don’t know how to go about this situation. I know she is lonely and going through stuff, but I do not trust her judgment. Why… does she have to have them over her house right away? Why not go out and get to know them! I don’t even want to let my kids go over there because I have no idea who will be around. The worst part is she lies non-stop, so it’s very hard having a conversation with her. I just don’t know what to do. I’ve kept my mouth shut the whole time because I recognize she’s grown, but if anything happened to my sister because of her, I would never forgive her. I don’t know how to make her realize that before something bad happens to either one of them. If she really feels strongly about doing what she wants, then she should say that and have an honest conversation. That way, my sister can decide what she wants to do instead of my mom making the decision for her, behind her back. She always raised us to be cautious, so I don’t feel that we are unreasonable, but I would like some feedback. Are the family requests unreasonable? Please, no negativity this whole thing has been weighing heavy on my mind for some time.
She’s an adult woman… no, you don’t get ANY say. And if your sister has an issue and feels like this could be unsafe, she can move out since she is an adult, not a young child. You all need to back off and leave the lady in peace.
She is grown and I assume pays for the house? Sounds like you and your sister need to grow the fuck up and get over yourself.
Your sister is in her 20s? So grown…? I stopped there. Lol she’s a whole adult in your MOM’S House… I mean you people slay me with your unrealistic request and limitations on others
Your sister is an adult amd needs to get her own place she is 20, if she wants her space… Your mother raised her children amd its her own home. If your sister is uncomfortable move. Period. I would never at even probably 17 tell my parents what to do in thier own house I. Living in as an adult. Mind ya own business.
It’s her home. She’s an adult. Your sibling is an adult… period.
Your “little” sister should move out and get her own place.
Girl bye, thats a grown woman and its her house how you gonna tell her who to bring in her house. Tell you sibling to go do something since shes 20 while your mom has company in her house.
Your sister is old enough to get her place and shouldn’t be living with mommy still unless she has special needs. It’s moms house, moms rules. You could discuss your fears with her, but it’s time for your sister to adult… and move out. Maybe mom would let you know if she has a date coming over and you can check in on her… moms turn to have fun.
I understand your feelings and concerns but your momma and your sister are both grown. Why can’t your sister move in with you, if you both feel so strongly about it.
You are trying to tell your mom who she can and cannot have in her home? Not your home, but her home? You are some sort of crazy.
One: it’s your mom’s house. Two: your sister an adult she doesnt like what your mom is doing. She can move out.
I understand why you are worried but your mom an adult with her own house. If she wants bring people, than she can.
You’re emotionally blackmailing her. Her daughter can leave on her own if she dont like it. Sounds Like that woman had been controlled in one way or another most of her life and is finally enjoying some damn freedom.
I feel sorry for her.
She’s an adult. And 20 is an adult. Sooooooo she can move out of her mom’s house and get her own place if she feels unsafe. Y’all have no say. At all. None.
Mind your business is what I have to say about it.
Wait a min…your the children. Grown children at that. Since when do YOU decide what mom should or should not do?? Y’all dont like it then little sis can move. Shes an adult. Stop trying to think you deserve something and decide something. If she makes a mistake then it’s hers to make. Thats whats wrong with you 20 and 30 yr old today. You believe your entitled to everything and make the rules and decisions. Get out here with that scrap and leave mom alone and live you own lives smdh.
I don’t think they are unreasonable your trying to look out for your family. But I would get my sister out of there. Sounds like your mom is struggling to fill a void for herself but not thinking what the consequences of her actions could do not only to herself but your sister. Get your sister out of there and unfortunately let your mom learn from her mistakes.
I’m sorry to say but your sister is an adult and she can move out! It’s your mother’s has and really it’s not a “family” decision what she does. If you don’t like it have your sister move in with you.
Then have the sister move in with you. I get your concerned but you can’t tell woman who she can or cant have in her own home. Change is scary. I deal with this with my mom on a daily basis. You just gotta say fuck it and stop worrying about it. It’s only bothering you. Not her. She is doing what she wants to do.
She an ADULT. She can do as she pleases. Your " little " sister is also an ADULT. If it bothers her, then maybe she can he an adult and get her own place.