My mom is dating a convicted murderer: Advice?

My mom went through a nasty divorce two years ago to a man she was married to for nine years. About a year later, she started dating a man who just got out of prison ( she also has a criminal record and was in prison before). She works for drug rehabilitation and helps people who just got out. Anyways come to find out this man is a murderer. She never said anything to my husband or me before bringing him around our children. So I finally had to step up to her and tell her it makes me uncomfortable. My mom and I have always had a pretty rocky relationship, but it hasn’t been bad the past few years, and I kept putting this off because I knew she would be butthurt. Sure enough, she is and thinks, “We shouldn’t judge him before getting to know him and know why he did what he did” she also says it was never meant to be a secret. I’m really hurt and not sure what move to make next. I, of course, love my mom, but I don’t want anything to do with her relationship, and I have kids I need to protect. What would you do??? Sorry if this is a little scattered my mind is all over the place.

77 Likes

Your kids and their safety come first. 100%, without question.

13 Likes

Sorry but that’s a big hell no for me. Nope. Cut them both off. :woman_shrugging: My mom and I have a pretty strained relationship too and in all honesty if this were me in this situation it wouldn’t hurt my feelings one bit. My kids come first.

9 Likes

Simple, me and my kids wouldn’t be around

1 Like

She didnt tell you for a reason. Nope. Keep your family close. Let her do her.

7 Likes

he was found guilty of murder and did time for it… there’s no need to find out the circumstances it was clearly not an accident… keep your kids away from him and try and talk some sense into your mum.

7 Likes

I’d be saying “Bye!” to mom as long as she’s dating him! Sorry, regardless of what happened and why he did it, he’s a risk to your mother and your family.

5 Likes

Yohh thats a hell no…id personally be so scared and worried when my kids or loved one is around that man…he did it once… doesn’t mean he wont do it again…please tell her watch out and always be aware…or keep a number or something…so if a incident occurs she can immediately call for help…

3 Likes

Get to know him first and see what kind of person he is. Some people grow up or there are cirumstances.

8 Likes

See I’m looking on this from the convict side of things. I hold a felony for possession of methamphetamine. I can’t get a apartment because of it. I have completely turned my life around, been sober for 5 years and have my children back. I would say sit down with him and find out the circumstances of which he was convicted. Just you and him and your mom. No kids because as a mom I would want to know before they have any more contact with them.

26 Likes

I wouldn’t take my kids around them. There’s a reason that she didn’t tell you. Protect your kids. Let your mom deal with him by herself.

2 Likes

Idk…do u know what the circumstances were surrounding his crime? Have u tried to look it up on local newspapers or court records?

7 Likes

But your mom has a record too so just as you wouldnt judge her, you shouldn’t judge him also. Talk to him about it. Maybe it could clear things up.

8 Likes

In no way am I supporting your mothers choice because common sense and any parent would want to protect their children from potential harm, but maybe have a conversation with him and address it with him himself, not your mum? Go straight to the horses mouth. I know in my opinion I would. Then sit with down with both of them. End of the day though you need to do what you think is best once you figure it out for yourself.

2 Likes

The guy didn’t walk out of a store without paying for a gallon of milk. He was convicted of murder and spent time in prison.

If she’s ok with that, that’s on her.

But that’s a big nope for me and my family.

There’s mistakes and then there is being capable of murdering another human.

2 Likes

I would start slow maybe you get to know him first find out what he is like, until you know the circumstances it’s hard to judge

3 Likes

??? What if it was self defence! He could have been protecting another! Could have saved a child? Mabey he isnt the bad guy find out what he did and why b4 cutting anybody off

14 Likes

I’d need to know details. Like what kind of murderer? How much time did he get sentenced? I mean it could be as simple as he killed someone in self defense of himself or someone else or something. I mean you can be a registered sex offender for being drunk and taking a piss behind a building because it’s “the public” so idk I’d need all the details.

19 Likes

My neighbor was in prison for murdering the man who attempted to rape his daughter. He did 14 years.

Maybe find out why he was in prison for murder before assuming he’s a cold blooded killer.

26 Likes

I would keep my distance.