My Mom Is Making It Extremely Difficult for Me to Parent My Son: Advice?

QUESTION:

I live with my mom, and I am having trouble disciplining my 8-year-old child because she constantly sides with him.

I am having a hard time showing and telling him what he needs to be doing while my mom just allows him to do whatever he wants.

He doesn’t even eat his veggies regularly because he is spoiled by my mom to eat his instant noodles and fried egg even if he doesn’t ask for it."

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TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

“People on this thread are so bloody judgemental it’s disgusting!!! So what she lives with her mum? Doesn’t give grandma the right to act like the kid’s parent and undermind the actual mother!! No one knows her situation so if you can’t say anything nice sit the hell down and keep ur mouth shut!! I live with my dad as atm it’s easier for me and my daughter but there’s no way in hell my father would undermind my parenting! It may be his house but she is MY CHILD and I am the one who makes the rules for her regardless of where I live and my family respects it. This grandmother is nothing but disrespectful and needs to fix up and start respecting her daughter as the child’s PARENT!”

“You have to step up and tell her to let you be the parent. She had her turn and going against what you say teaches your kid it’s ok to disrespect you.”

“It’s hard to raise a child when you’re living with family. I know too well that it happens occasionally bc you do what you got to do. Tell her to stop. Tell her he’s your son and he needs to learn to listen to you, his mom, more than others. What’s she’s doing is taking away from your kid’s ability to make healthy boundary decisions when it comes to other adults that could come along in some way that can leave him vulnerable. Your child needs to know that you are it- you are who he goes to for everything and listens to- no one else. She is also teaching him how to disrespect you. Talk to her immediately about this it can’t go on anymore.”

“The only way to stop it is to move out, unfortunately.”

“It is difficult for grandmas to say no. It just flies out of their vocabulary when their first grandchild is born lol grandparents spoil and you aren’t alone feeling this way. Express your concerns and try to reason with her. Remind her that she didn’t give you everything you wanted and you turned out great! I’m personally a more relaxed parent, could be cuz I was a young mom but mostly because I realized that growing up I hated being forced to do things and as an adult no one makes you finish your plate or your vegetables so if your kid is gonna fight you why stress everyone out. Now I’m not saying let the kid eat sweets, I’m saying don’t let the little things become big things. It will lessen your stress load a ton just by reasoning.”

“I get what everyone is saying about moving out and it being her house (blah blah), but on the other hand and ultimately this argument trumps all excuses, it’s your kid! No one should be stepping on your toes and undermining your parenting even if it is your mother. Just be like “I appreciate you wanting to cater to him like a grandmother, but I’m his mom and he needs to listen to me first!”

“I’m in the same boat. I too live with my mom and my son is 22months. My mom begged me to come and stay with her so she can help with my son and be with him every day. All fine and dandy, until the time, comes where I’m getting flustered by his tantrums and she doesn’t even help or take him for a few so I can recollect myself. My mom talks down to me saying that I’m a bad mom because I get flustered and that if I can’t handle the responsibility, I shouldn’t have a baby. I finally got the nerve to look at her and say “if you’re not going to help, then your opinion doesn’t matter”. She shut up pretty quickly.”

“The only things you can do are sit down with her and talk with her or move out. Either she’s going to listen, set rules and boundaries with you, or she’s going to fight it. No way for us or even you to know the outcome. Only you know how your mother is, and only you can pace this on how it needs to be tackled. Unfortunately her house, her rules. She either respects you as a person and parent, and will see she’s overstepped (even if she didn’t mean to), or she’s going to be bitter and think she can do as she pleases. (Either as grandma or the homeowner) Good luck. The only thing that can be done is communication.”

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

22 Likes

Tell her back up tbh

1 Like

You have to step up and tell her to let you be the parent. She had her turn and by going against what you say teaches your kid its ok to disrespect you

8 Likes

I’m in the same Situation

Maybe move out? Not sure if that’s an option, but idk if speaking to her will help

2 Likes

U have to put ur foot down PERIOD…mom or not I went thru this as well

1 Like

It’s hard to raise a child when your living with family. I know too well that it happens occasionally bc you do what you got to do.
Tell her to stop. Tell her he’s your son and he needs to learn to listen to you, his mom, more than others.
What’s she’s doing is taking away from your kids ability to make healthy boundary decisions when it comes to other adults that could come along in some way that can leave him vulnerable.
Your child needs to know that you are it- you are who he goes to for everything and listens to- no one else.
She is also teaching him how to disrespect you.
Talk to her immediately about this it can’t go on anymore.

6 Likes

U are the parent so u are the boss

1 Like

The only way to stop it is to move out unfortunately.

7 Likes

I can relate with this

Just talk to your mom. In a nice way let her know you dont mind her giving you advice. But in the end you are the one who needs to parent the child. Its a bond with your child you both need. But ask mom if its ok for you to come back and ask her things when you face an issue…respect and support! She wont be hurt afterall she thinks shes helping.

1 Like

I don’t live with my mom and had the same issue until I finally just lost it and put my foot down

3 Likes

Move out if you can. Otherwise you are at the mercy of her

1 Like

Honestly, its not going to change until you move out. If my daughter cried and screamed in time out when she was 4 or 5, my dad would always “save her”. Shes almost 10 now and she know my rules follow wherever she is, however my dad “pop pop” always over rules me when we are there. But there has been times that I have challenged my dad in his own home and said no, once I no longer lived there, and then he stepped back. Not sure your situation, but with us its always been “my house, my rules”. My dad raised 5 of us alone, and I love him dearly, but grandparents will always baby the grand babies no matter the age. Some days i lose the fight when we are there. Pick and chose your battles mama. As long as the kiddo is happy and healthy, thats what matters. Just install basic manners and it will all work out

1 Like

You are the mom, she needs to back you up as a any parent should with their adult children. Let her know how you feel and do wants best for your child and yourself. I had same kind of situation only it was between a grandmother & great grandmother. We work as a team now. We both back Mom.

1 Like

My mom used to sneak my son treats that I used as incentives such as potty training. She’d whisper to him Everytime I told him no. It was awful & emotionally draining. Then people at church would tell me how awful of a parent I was. My mom & aunts would talk about how it’s their right as grandparents to spoil their grands & greats (great nephews & nieces). They laughed at the fact that the younger generation gave their children a hard time. “I taught him that :joy:”. It was disgusting. I hate to tell you but it’s not going to get any better. Even if you move out she’s going to think she needs to spoil him more so her influence sticks.

2 Likes

This will continue until you move out. I experienced the same issues with my mom while living under her roof. It wasn’t until I moved out that I was able to set my own rules and boundaries.

1 Like

Tell grammy to pull the titty out the mouth . Your the parent now

Dont wanna sound mean but move out and show him.the tough love he needs to succeed in life

2 Likes

It sucks, but sometimes the best solution to that is to move out. Putting your foot down with your mom will only work if she’s willing to comply which it sounds like she isn’t. Unfortunately since it’s her house, you can’t really force her to behave otherwise.