My mom offered to watch my son for a week but I don't want it to be in her house: Advice?

Both of my parents are wonderful people who would never hurt my child or me. They love us so much and put so much love in our lives when with us. I am having another baby soon, and my mom has volunteered to watch my 2yo while I follow through with my scheduled c-section (super kind of her to do so). Their house is generally dirty. They smoke cigarettes in the house (not while my son is there) & the well water is unclean. It’s an uncovered hole in the ground, and they do not drink it; I wouldn’t suggest bathing in it, and they only have a stand-up shower. Meaning no baths for my son while he’s there for almost a week. They live in an old farmhouse (my childhood home), and I loved it growing up, but it’s not what it once was. My mom also just ripped all these rugs out upstairs… an old glued carpet with all sorts of old carpet glue dust floating around, and she suggested him sleeping on the floor in a new sleeping bag she got him…which I’m also not okay with. I’d much rather her watch him in my home, with his own bed, own toys, own bathroom, etc. My question is, is it wrong for me to feel like I don’t want my son spending nearly a week there? It’s also 3 hours away, so if anything happened, I’d be in the hospital, and my son wouldn’t be close. Or am I being overly dramatic? I have a lot of guilt because my parents genuinely mean well, but I don’t fully trust the situation.

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It’s a no from me based on those conditions. There’s a polite way to go about accepting the help under certain conditions. Always always always let them know how grateful you are for their generous offering but kindly and respectfully explain why those aren’t conditions for a 3 year old to be in.

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I would just generally ask “Hey mom I would feel comfortable for (his name) to be at my house where he has all his things and his own bed. I really appreciate you watching him but if he could stay here and closer to me that would be really helpful” – or something along those lines.

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I would send your parents that exact statement with everything you just said. You don’t feel comfortable having them watch your son at their house because “all the things you just listed”. Then tell them they need to watch him at your house. You are his mother and are allowed to set ground rules regarding his safety.

ur child u do what u fell comfortable with or u will b in hopsital worrying all the time instead of enjoying ur new baby

Sending him away could make him feel like you don’t want him there because of the new baby. I know that’s not what you’re going for. Just something else to consider. I wouldn’t based off of what you said though. If I have the choice, my kids sleep in their beds.

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You have every right to ask her to come to your home. Even if she lived in a perfect order home, the three hours away would do it for me.

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I think u could go about it with out hirting there fwelings and just tell em u want him close and he has alot of stuff tl send and thats just to much for u rifht now and he needs to stay on his schedule at hm i know those conditions r not ok but they mean well and i think itll hurt there feelings if u come out and say there house is to nasty

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I wouldn’t send my kid :woman_shrugging: but you need to think of a tactful way to decline.

I wouldn’t be comfortable either definitely ask if she can come to your home that way she can spend time with the new baby as well!!

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This is your child and his safety is your number 1 concern. His safety comes before your mom’s feelings. I would tell her how you feel in the nicest way possible while also letting her know you really appreciate it a lot! I personally don’t want my child going into a home where people smoke inside, but that’s my personal preference. Asthma runs very strong in my family. I would offer for her to stay at your house and maybe even say you’d like your son to also bond with baby when y’all come home?

Why not…? At least she offered…a lot of grandparents don’t get to see the grandchildren…if they offer let them…gives you the break …and he’ll get used to staying with them… great baby sitters too for future…
Be happy she offered… I’ve not seen our 3 grandchildren in 5 yrs… she lucky she can see your children…let them stay and be happy she looking after him/ she… takes stress of you

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Id recommend her watching him at your home where he is already comfortable and aquatinted with…

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Why don’t u have your mom come stay with you. Just say your going to miss him to much.

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You are not wrong at all! Also, your little one might be more comfortable in his own home while you’re away for a week. I’m sure mom would enjoy a nice shower, and clean drinking water. :heart:

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I personally wouldn’t tell her those things bc I’d be afraid it would hurt her feelings. She obviously doesn’t see a problem with it or she wouldn’t have suggested it. I just see it as the beginning of an argument. I’d tell her I want both my babies close to me and ask if she come help you out at the house. Leave it at that.

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Just be nice about it. Mom ill make you extra comfy here at my house so your grandson can play and do his normal stuff. Whatever you need groceries toiletries i can do that. No problem. I think she’ll be excepting if you try it that way.

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You are right on momma

I would suggest your house just say mom you want a vacation where u dont have to clean up your place after him and just say he will be alot easier to care for In his own environment

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Trust them. They raised you and your still alive and well. Your son will be fine also.

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