"I need advice. I’m 30, married for ten years, and we have a ten-year-old son. I want to start this by saying I’m very close to both my parents. My mom left my dad, and they have been divorced like 15 years.
My dad has been with my stepmom for 11 years, and I’m very close to her and love her like a second mom. My mom has been married a couple of times since my dad and has been with my stepdad now for five years. He’s a great guy, unlike the other one. I consider all four of them my parents, and I love them all.
The problem is my mom has always had some jealousy towards my stepmom. At my wedding, she made a big deal about family pictures and didn’t want my stepmom in them, and my stepmom backed down because it was my day and didn’t want to cause problems. I never even knew about that until now when this new situation came up.
My mom wants to get family pictures done. My brother and family also. She told me if I wanted to, I could invite my dad, stepmom, and step-sister (I’m very close to her also). I was like yeah! I’d love to have a huge picture of my dad and his family, my mom and her husband, and my family. A big blended family picture.
Well, fast forward to yesterday. My mom calls and tells me that my brother and she would like a picture of just my biological parents, him, and me. She told me not to say anything so they couldn’t back out. It makes me extremely uncomfortable because that is not my reality. My parents are not together and haven’t been for years.
I don’t think excluding my stepmom is right. She really is very sweet. I’ve never even heard her yell. I called my dad and told him, and that’s when he told me about the incident at my wedding. I talked with my husband, and he said he didn’t want any part of it. My kid has always known my dad to be with my stepmom.
I feel like my mom regrets what she did 15 years ago. I just feel like she should know it makes me uncomfortable. What do y’all think? If I’m ridiculous about it, please LMK I love all of them so much, and I just hate the thought of hurting any of their feelings."
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
“Your mom is being ridiculous and giving her what she wants will allow her to continue this awful behavior! I also have a blended family like yours and NO WAY would I allow my mother to act that way!!! You’re completely justified in your feelings!”
“Sucks you’re in this situation. If i were you, I’d then suggest a separate picture with both you and your brother with just the step-parents too.”
“I would feel the same as you! She is family and therefore should be included!!”
“As a step-parent who has experienced this… just tell her straight forward how you feel. My stepdaughter did on her senior night at high school. She said either all my parents go or none of my parents go. I was left out on the field without a corsage, but I still participated. Even at the oldest boy’s wedding, I was left in the hallway, because she pushed me to the side and the ceremony started with mothers lighting candles. I was supposed to be seated before that, it didn’t work as planned. After all, children grew up, I learned to distance myself from those situations. We do totally separate family events. It’s much easier for my heart that way. Being a step-parent is hard enough without the biological mother trying to make everything look like one big happy family. If they were no step-parent would be there. My husband and I have been married 22 years, if I hadn’t spoken up to our children, all above 30 now, about my feelings she would still be that way. They understand my situation and we adjust so we still have our happy family, 5 children, and 23 grandchildren.”
“Multiple pictures… One with everyone. One with mom’s side and step, one with dad’s side and step. Individuals can order what they want out of the proofs. Problem solved and all are happy.”
“Either compromise and do the pictures the way she wants AND the way you want or tell her to suck it up because your stepmom is your parent too. Tell her she shouldn’t be putting your family in that situation. She made her choice now she has to live with it. Especially after the wedding incident.”
“It’s hard for a blended family and sounds like your stepmother loves you. I don’t believe you should have to have a picture with just the birth parents. Kinda not fair to the stepmom and isn’t reality.”
“I’m happy you told your father. Being trucked like that would have caused even more tension. Your mother is being childish. He moved on and is happy. She shouldn’t have remarried if she couldn’t be the same and leave matters in a friendly and healthy manner. You are a huge blended family and from what it sounds, your stepmother had nothing to do with their divorce. In light of what happened at your wedding and how your stepmother felt obligated to step out and be excluded, I would personally call my mother out and refuse to do anything family-related until she stops trying to exclude my stepmother. It’s disrespectful and petty. I hope you find a solution that works for you.”
Have a response to this question? Leave it below to help a mama out! Or leave your own question and get responses from real moms!
READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW: