My mother in law always wants us to come visit: Advice?

I have a question, and I’d like to be kept anonymous. My MIL seems to be a selfish, narcissistic person. When her birthday comes around, it’s all about her, for holidays she wants everyone to come to her house, etc. As far as everyone coming to her house, apparently, back in the day, she had a car accident, so now she gets nervous about riding in cars or going on long trips. Anyway, we only live an hour from here (my husband, my son, and I), but she wants us to always come to her, even in the middle of the week when the traffic is a monster. When she wants to go somewhere, she can get a ride if she wants, but it’s not the same when it comes to our son. She’ll call my husband and me multiple times, annoying us to death, because she’s off and wants to see him, but she can’t get a ride to come and see him. We have to waste our gas to come to her. It’s my husband’s mother, and he’s not concerned about it. His attitude is if she can get a ride everywhere else, she can get a ride here. I go there, but only when it’s convenient for me. Am I wrong to feel that way, especially since I have a mother that lives several miles away and a heart condition, and she still manages to come and see her grandson??

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I don’t think this is selfish. She just wants to visit with her family.

Just remember, you have a son, so you too will be the mother in law someday. :heart:

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Idk I would give anything to have my mom and mother n law around just to be able to meet her grandchildren. It probably seems aggravating but when she’s gone she’s gone. Maybe offer to have another family member bring her.

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My answer wont be a popular one. I say go to her house drive that hour.smile and enjoy time with her and dont complain about the drive.but be grateful she is still around to visit. Be grateful for The car that takes you.life changes in the blink of an eye. Maybe next Year she Wont even be here to visit. Count your blessings. Teach your children well to honor their grandparents.

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Life is but a vapor. Embrace and cherish the allotted time, regardless of the ‘inconvenience’ of traffic. It all seems so trivial and small later.

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I mean… She’s begging to see her grandson. Not asking you to work on her car, or house. She wants to see the little one. She won’t be here forever. You should go see her as much as possible. You didn’t say she was toxic or evil. So go take your son to see her as much as possible.

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Well, for starters… if its HER birthday then yes. Drive your unhappy ass to her house. Complain on the way there and smile when she opens the door. My guess is she’s traumatized by the car accident so since your perfectly capable then go :woman_facepalming:.

Take him once a month. Other than that I wouldn’t feel bad.

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I’d be happy she loves you and your child so much. When she does get a ride how far does she go? Because it seems she really has a fear. Maybe if you can’t always make it that is ok but at least try when you can.

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Or have your MIL to live closer to y’all but not live in together but if that’s her only family she have left and bonding with your grandson too

“You have to waste your gas to go see her “. That says a lot.

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you will be a mother in law some day

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I agree with everyone else. Also I just want to point this out, you mentioned she can get rides to do other things, be mindful that while that’s true, her friends near her that may give her rides to the store or to do errands may not be comfortable taking her that far away and visiting you all or having to find something to do while she visits and then taking her back. Please just visit her, you don’t have to inconvenience yourself every week or at her whim but at least try as regularly as possible. If you’re that concerned about “wasting your gas” maybe she would be happy to help with some gas money some time

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I would do anything for my boys to see my grandparents or for me to see them. They passed when I was young too young to appreciate.
It’s tough, inconvenient but at least he has her. So many wish they had that - had that love and bond.

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If that is the only annoying thing is the going to visit her, that’s not a big deal. I’d speak up and offer to do the holidays every other year.

My mother and my husband’s mother have both passed away. 10 years today actually for my mother in law and 1 year for my mom in 19 days. I’d give anything for my kids to see either of them. It may be annoying as hell but it’ll be worth it. Take pictures and have memories.

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The cost for a ride an hour away is high and usually hard to find unless a family member is already going by your house. Take him once a month to see his grandma and invite her to your house every month

Waste your gas??? What???

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