My mother in law always wants us to come visit: Advice?

I drive over an hr in traffic to see my in laws. Time is short and i know it makes my husband and son happy. Hell i drive over 300 miles just to see my cousins though. Family comes first especially when you have a little one no distance or time is to long. Enjoy the time with her… you never know if it will be your last, time is short and tomorrow is never promised.

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First off idc how you feel about what I’m going to say but she was in a car accident which is a traumatic event for anybody and for some people they may never drive again due to the fear of it happening again. I personally had an accident in 2016 and it took me till April 2017 to find get the courage to drive again but I still have extreme fear about driving and I refuse to go on roads in town and will literally take backroads just to avoid other cars. So unless you’ve walked in her shoes and lived that terrifying day for her you have no room to judge her sorry. Also be grateful and happy that your son has two grandparents who love him.

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Take the little one to her when you can. I would give anything to be able to 5ake my guys to my mom. My MIL lives an hour away, its hard on her to drive. I don’t mind.

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I bet you wouldn’t think twice if that was your mother that always needs a ride!

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Yikes. My 18 year old daughter has issues with driving. She gets anxiety bad every time she tries so I can see where the mother in law would be scared. “Only an hour” to you is like a lifetime to someone who’s afraid to be in a car. She literally gave birth to your husband. He wouldn’t be here without her. Maybe a little gratitude and understanding would go a long way. You say she only worries about herself, sounds like you’re the same way.

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I’m gonna be the oddball out here but I feel for you! It sucks to CONSTANTLY be the one going to other peoples houses. Especially with a kid. I hate hearing “I haven’t saw you in a while”. Well buddy, roads work both ways. I don’t really have advice but just here to say, your feelings are valid.

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It is hard for the older folks (boomers) to get used to not having lots of family interaction like everybody did back in the day, these times are definately different in that respect and it sounds like shes not trying to canabilize your family she just craves being around them, be gracious and do as much as is reasonable to accomidate her

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I agree with these ladies. It’s not hard for you to visit. I’m sorry.

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Yes I understand what you’re feeling. It’s tough when people expect you to always be the one going out of your way to visit or stay in touch. It’s a tough situation. But I understand your feelings of frustration.

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“When her birthday comes around, it’s all about her.” Yeah, it’s supposed to be. It’s her special day. Go every other week… and go on the weekends to avoid rush hour traffic. That’s only 2x a month. She won’t be around forever. Let your son enjoy her while she’s here.

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I agree that would be hard, maybe even a little annoying and inconvenient some times. But be so thankful your babies have a grandma that loves them and wants to be involved!

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Taking your child to visit a relative who loves them is NOT a “waste of gas”. She is having a PTSD similar reaction to a severe car crash, have some empathy.

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Im sorry you seem.very entitled tho… “waste your gas” are you kidding me??? My mom couldn’t drive and I did everything to go see her whenever i could. Id even pick her up for her grandsons tball games… needless to say she just passed away. So CHERISH EVERY MOMENT BEFORE ITS TOO LATE

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Girl, I actually get your side of this situation. She’s 1 person, your family is 3, she should come to you whenever possible. Call her an Uber or taxi and let her handle the payment.
If you drive an hour to pick her up, then you have to take her back later- that’s 4 hrs of drive time and a whole tank of gas! That’s a lot to ask of anyone on a regular basis!

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I take my daughter 4 hours away to see my grandma every single month and would do it way more if I could. One day all he will have is memories, and it won’t be of driving to see grandma but the time he spent there surrounded by love. Those memories are worth it.

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While i understand how you are feeling, i am confused as to what the problem is exactly? Is it that she wants to spend time with you? Money? You didn’t state any problems between the 2 of you that id label red flags.
I dont get along with my MIL very well and sometimes my petty annoyances get in the way of the possibility of having an amicable relationship. They way I am perceiving this, it may be the same for you in this situation.

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I would set what days you can go I don’t think she is asking for much at least twice a week per month you do one week and he can do one week. Or have her spend the weekend

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I am in same boat it’s all about her or nothing. We have 5 kids and it’s jump as soon as she calls which is 6 times a day he has to tell her every move he makes everything he did that day etc to the point did he have a shower. Gets mad when he takes time for our kids sport oh he’s killing himself driving them and attending helpi get ready etc. Every holiday birthday etc have to be at her house never ever has it been to my parents house. Been going in for about 9 years now. I talk to him but it’s in ome ear out the other so I guess u r lucky he atleast says something. Good luck to you.

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She’ll be dead one day and then neither of you will have to worry about it.

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My ex MIL was this way. She only wanted us to come to her and she only wanted to see my daughter when it was coming for her.
We stopped going over there.
In the 8 years we have lived in AZ she has not ONCE asked for my daughter…
My parents on the other hand blow up my phone if they do not see her at least 2-3x a week.