My Mother-In-Law Comes Over Every Single Day & I'm Losing It: Advice?

QUESTION:

"I am at my wit’s end with my mother-in-law. And I don’t know what to do anymore.

She is literally always around. I love her and I am glad she is here for me, my husband, and our kids, but she invites herself over all the time and my husband doesn’t see an issue with it. How do I handle this?

She is literally at our house every single day. Do I say something or just suck it up? I would like to have family time with just my husband and me without kids, but there she is. He is such a mama’s boy too, so that doesn’t help UGH!"

RELATED QUESTION: My In-Laws Constantly Overstep Their Boundaries: Advice?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

“All the people that are saying you just be thankful. That’s not fair I’m sure you are thankful but that doesn’t mean you want her around everyday!!?! Especially on the weekdays. Like I’m sure you just want to relax from work or from him being at work and you want to spend some intimate time with him. I’m sure you barely get enough time with him alone considering you have kids. So 100% don’t feel bad for not wanting her there every day. I would set limits. Like maybe 2 days a week she comes over. Say ‘hey let’s make plans every Monday and Thursday, you come over, but the other nights I want to have a routine and have some private family time.’ There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Please be grateful that you have that. If she is not malicious or undermining you, then just be grateful lest you be left without her and realize that your children could have had so many more beautiful and fun memories with her… had YOU allowed it. For real. It may be annoying, but one day you won’t be getting that privilege any longer.”

“Ignore the people telling you to suck it up or get over it. Everyone deserves to have boundaries. It’s your house, your rules. The people trying to guilt-trip you for feeling this way should be ashamed.”

“I had my mother-in-law every day for dinner as she was on her own and lonely. It made her day to think that somebody wanted her and when she went she was sorely missed. Enjoy her and be thankful that she wants to spend time with you, because believe me you’ll miss her and so will your kids.”

"You don’t have to suck it up, you are not overreacting. She may be lonely or just loves being around you and her grandchildren. But if it’s becoming too much, speak up and set boundaries. Explain to her that you want alone time with your family but you’re not telling her she isn’t welcome. Maybe set up a time/day once a week where she comes over to hang out and eat a meal. Family can become unwanted house guests when it’s constant. Just be upfront and honest with her and be gentle, she may not realize she is overstepping…

… My MIL fought a BATTLE when it came to setting boundaries, but in the end, she understood and she is always welcome at our home, but she understands this is MY family and we like privacy. I make time for her to come visit because she is wanted and appreciated. We also will call randomly to make last-minute plans if she is free, and she honestly loves that we do the last minute things as well as making time for her once a week."

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351 Likes

how long does she visit for ?

Like is she there all day?

How about just telling her you’d like alone time with your little family a few days a week. Pick your days and tell her the others she can come over whenever

Message her every day saying your busy… that would drive me crazy! My bf’s parents insist on seeing my son every single week and they are about 1.5 hours away and got upset bc MY son started his first year of soccer and MY son started pre-k. She was upset bc my son became busy even though I warned her about 1.5 months ago it was going to happen.

1 Like

Go for a walk when you know she is coming or plan grocery trips. You don’t have to be there. It may never change. My husband is a mommas boy but I am always put first. Start having friends or other family over.

4 Likes

Does your door have a lock? Use it- problem solved. Just because you are home you are not required to answer :tipping_hand_woman:t3:

8 Likes

Ask her to take the kids so you guys can have alone time.

2 Likes

Just say that it stressed you out, feeling like you have to entertain someone every day. Ask that she only come a couple designated days.

2 Likes

Tell her it won’t change on its own

3 Likes

Is she lonely ? She may just want to see the kids. How long does she stay . When the kids need to nap does she leave

3 Likes

Tell your husband to get his priorities in check.

9 Likes

Talk to HER about it.
We Love you, we DO want you around, some days we would like a little alone time. Don’t take this personal, again you ARE welcome, but I’m sure you would understand how it is to have your MIL at your home EVERY Day.

5 Likes

Good luck.:sweat_smile::sweat_smile::sweat_smile: especially with him being a mamas boy

2 Likes

go her house wit kids and drive her nuts👍🏿

5 Likes

Set boundaries, and stick to them. It might blow up at first but you need to. I had to do the same it sucked at first but now things are good.

4 Likes

Well wish her covid then she’ll die and her kids wont have a 100% relationship with memaw.

Asshole. My mom died before i had kids, what i would love more than anything is my mom dropping by, unannounced 24/7.

Bitch.

Please be grateful that you have that. If she is not malicious or undermining you then just be grateful lest you be left without her and realize that your children could have had so many more beautiful and fun memories with her …had YOU allowed it. For real. It may be annoying but one day you won’t be getting that privilege any longer.

27 Likes

All you can do is talk to your husband about how you feel. They don’t become mama boys over night, you knew this before marriage, it dosent usually change after. You can say something to her but if your husband likes her being there it could cause problems in your marriage. I’m really close to my mother and mother in law, I see one or both everyday. It dosent bother me at all. We have 4 kids and I love they have grandparents so invested in them. Some children don’t have any at all.

10 Likes

Have her actually help like with chores or running errands

2 Likes