"I am at my wit’s end with my mother-in-law. And I don’t know what to do anymore.
She is literally always around. I love her and I am glad she is here for me, my husband, and our kids, but she invites herself over all the time and my husband doesn’t see an issue with it. How do I handle this?
She is literally at our house every single day. Do I say something or just suck it up? I would like to have family time with just my husband and me without kids, but there she is. He is such a mama’s boy too, so that doesn’t help UGH!"
RELATED QUESTION: My In-Laws Constantly Overstep Their Boundaries: Advice?
TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):
“All the people that are saying you just be thankful. That’s not fair I’m sure you are thankful but that doesn’t mean you want her around everyday!!?! Especially on the weekdays. Like I’m sure you just want to relax from work or from him being at work and you want to spend some intimate time with him. I’m sure you barely get enough time with him alone considering you have kids. So 100% don’t feel bad for not wanting her there every day. I would set limits. Like maybe 2 days a week she comes over. Say ‘hey let’s make plans every Monday and Thursday, you come over, but the other nights I want to have a routine and have some private family time.’ There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Please be grateful that you have that. If she is not malicious or undermining you, then just be grateful lest you be left without her and realize that your children could have had so many more beautiful and fun memories with her… had YOU allowed it. For real. It may be annoying, but one day you won’t be getting that privilege any longer.”
“Ignore the people telling you to suck it up or get over it. Everyone deserves to have boundaries. It’s your house, your rules. The people trying to guilt-trip you for feeling this way should be ashamed.”
“I had my mother-in-law every day for dinner as she was on her own and lonely. It made her day to think that somebody wanted her and when she went she was sorely missed. Enjoy her and be thankful that she wants to spend time with you, because believe me you’ll miss her and so will your kids.”
"You don’t have to suck it up, you are not overreacting. She may be lonely or just loves being around you and her grandchildren. But if it’s becoming too much, speak up and set boundaries. Explain to her that you want alone time with your family but you’re not telling her she isn’t welcome. Maybe set up a time/day once a week where she comes over to hang out and eat a meal. Family can become unwanted house guests when it’s constant. Just be upfront and honest with her and be gentle, she may not realize she is overstepping…
… My MIL fought a BATTLE when it came to setting boundaries, but in the end, she understood and she is always welcome at our home, but she understands this is MY family and we like privacy. I make time for her to come visit because she is wanted and appreciated. We also will call randomly to make last-minute plans if she is free, and she honestly loves that we do the last minute things as well as making time for her once a week."
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