My Mother-in-Law Goes Out of Her Way to Ignore My Son and Me in Favor of Her Other Grandkids: Advice?

QUESTION:

My mother-in-law has four grandkids, my son being one of them. She is a wonderful grandmother to the other three grandkids, just not to my son.

She sends care packages to the other kids, surprises them with visits and toys, babysitting whenever she can, etc. Yet she does not call my son, send him anything, or spend any time with him.

My mother-in-law lives a few states away from the whole family, and when she does come up to visit, she will spend 6 of her seven-day visit with my husband’s siblings and their kids and only 3 hours with us. My husband defends this behavior by saying his siblings ‘need’ her more; therefore, their kids get more (time, money, love, etc.), but it is really starting to hurt my son and me that our family is never included and always put last.

Is this worth the argument with my husband? How do I address this with my mother-in-law? It sucks to always be left out. Thank you!"

RELATED QUESTION: Does It Sound Like My Mother-in-Law Is Playing Favorites?

TOP ANSWERS (AS SELECTED BY MODERATOR):

“Dealt with this kind of MIL witch for 30 years! My husband would make excuses for her at times and then sometimes defend me and our boys. His whole family has issues with me, my boys due to SOMETHING. I would not go to family get-togethers (most of the time) and would NOT make the boys go either especially if they didn’t want to. If my husband wanted to go (which he usually did) he was going by himself! Just don’t talk about it when you get back home because I don’t want to know. She died in October 2019. I went to the funeral out of respect for my husband, but I did NOT shed a tear. There is so much more to this than I can say in one comment, too. It would literally be a book! She was just an evil, hating witch! DING DONG that witch is dead!”

“I would distance myself and my child from her.”

“Do nothing. Let it go. You can’t control other people. She is free to allocate her time and resources as she wishes.”

“I dealt with the same kind of witch. They never change. My kids never understood but what can you do? Especially if your husband is defending her.”

“Do the other grandkids belong to her daughter? If so, maybe she afraid of stepping on ‘in-law’ toes. Whereas with her own daughter, she doesn’t mind imposing on? Next time she coming to town, tell her you would love for her to stay with you for a night. Go from there.”

"What are you going to say? ‘Love my child more!’? Lol. OK, as a grandma of 6, a couple of things MAY be going on here (or all):

  • tighter bond with those parents/ they get along better

  • they have a few kids, you have one

  • yes, grandparents have preferred grandkids

Take it for what it is, promise you, confronting her about it ISN’T going to change anything, maybe make things worse."

“Absolutely not worth the argument. Why try to make someone be involved more than they want to? It hurt my feelings at first but now I realize the important people that want to be in my child’s life will be and she will learn who is and isn’t there for her as she grows.”

“Maybe you or your husband’s personalities clash… or the child just isn’t bonded with Grandma. Not much you can do but try and build a relationship between them.”

“I feel you. My daughter’s grandma lives 5 minutes away and never sees my child, no calls, nothing. She gets gifts on holidays and if I’m in desperate need of a babysitter I’ll break down and ask her. But she makes efforts to visit other grandchildren in other towns and states. I’m done with it I will never beg someone to be in my child’s life. It’s hard though cuz my daughter doesn’t understand why she doesn’t see her.”

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READ ALL ANSWERS BELOW:

83 Likes

Call her out on it. Ask what the problem is.

2 Likes

Have you asked her…

1 Like

I dealt with the same kind of witch. They never change. My kids never understood but what can you do? Especially if your husband is defending her

7 Likes

Is the other grandkids her daughter? If so, maybe she afraid of stepping on “inlaw” toes. Whereas with her own daughter, she doesn’t mind imposing on?

Next time she coming to town, tell her you would love for her to stay with you for a night. Go from there.

11 Likes

Maybe it’s you, or husband personalities clash… or the child just isnt bonded with grandma… not much you can do… but try and build a relationship between them…

4 Likes

Maybe you live farther away? Do you talk to her often? Meaning do you have a relationship with her? Share things about your son. Invite and make her more a part of his life.

3 Likes

Do unto others as they do to you Don’t let it bother you pay her no mind her loss

3 Likes

So you purposely tell the kid you all aren’t invited? Way to go. No wonder its questioned.

7 Likes

Can’t force someone to be apart of your child’s life unfortunately. Even if you could why would you want someone who acts like that to be apart of his life??
Your son deserves to be around genuine love and respect at all times. He will grow up just fine without her because he’s got his parents who love him and honestly that’s all that matters :woman_shrugging:

10 Likes

When people show you who they are believe them don’t chase her don’t teach your son to chase her. It is truly her loss. You can attempt to rectify the situation by talking to her (your husband is clueless therefore useless) but I wouldn’t hold my breath. Good luck

3 Likes

I would distance myself and my child from her

10 Likes

Do nothing. Let it go. You can’t control other people. She is free to allocate her time and resources as she wishes.

7 Likes

I feel you. My daughters grandma lives 5 minutes away and never sees my child, no calls, nothing. She gets gifts on holidays and if I’m in desperate need of a babysitter I’ll break down and ask her. But she makes efforts to visit other grandchildren in other towns and states. I’m done with it I will never beg someone to be in my child’s life. Its hard though cuz my daughter doesn’t understand why she doesn’t see her

4 Likes

My mother-in-law was the same way my kids didn’t miss out my parents made up for it

4 Likes

You address it with your husband. His mother, his problem.

5 Likes

I’d ask why, tell her u miss her and u want to.see her more often

1 Like

What are you going to say?
Love my child more! Lol
Ok as a grandma of 6.
Couple things MAY be going on here or all

  • tighter bond with those parents/ they get along better
  • they have a few kids, you have one
  • yes, grandparents have preferred grandkids
    Take it for what it is, promise you, confronting here about it ISN’T going to change anything, maybe make things worse.
7 Likes

Dealt with this kind of MIL witch for 30 years! My husband would make excuses for her at times and then sometimes defend me and our boys. His whole family has issues with me, my boys due to SOMETHING. I would not go to family get togethers (most of the time) and would NOT make the boys go either especially if they didn’t want to. If my husband wanted to go (which he usually did) he was going by himself! Just don’t talk about it when you get back home because I don’t want to know. She died October 2019. I went to the funeral out of respect for my husband, but I did NOT shed a tear. There is so much more to this than I can say in one comment, too. It would literally be a book! She was just an evil, hating witch! DING DONG that witch is dead!

15 Likes

My kids have grandparents and great grandparents that do this aswell and although it makes me angry and hurts my heart for my children I simply brush it off bc it’s not worth it my children are blessings and if they cant see that or dont care enough then its their loss :woman_shrugging: my kids have more than enough love from us and some of their other grandparents and relatives they need for nothing so I dont make it a big deal or say anything about it in front of the children but trust me as they get older they notice things for themselves

2 Likes