My mother lives with us and isn't saving for her own place: How should I handle this?

My mother got evicted from her home at the beginning of October for being behind on her rent. My husband and I packed all of her apartment within a couple of days and moved it into a storage unit and our garage. All of that was a couple of weeks before our wedding. Before that her and I have not had a relationship in a couple of years due to her addiction. She’s been living with us since then. When she first got here she was looking for places to live, but lately it seems she’s content. I wouldn’t mind so much if she helped, she’s has given us about $350 since she’s lived here to help with bills. That alone is 2 utility bills for 1 month. The rest of the money she gets, she too goes to the store and buys useless things. My husband is the sole provider for our family, so at times it has aggravated him. It’s frustrating because she sleeps all day, doesn’t help around the house, and barely helps with the kids. I’m not expecting her to be a babysitter or pay our bills; just some help would be nice. She’s on disability, which she only gets so much a month, which I understand…but at the same time, she hasn’t tried to save money to find her own place. I don’t know how to approach the situation without her and I getting into a huge argument. We didn’t plan on starting our married life having my mother in our home.

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Honestly hate to say it, but if she didn’t pay rent in an apartment she’s not going to pay you or another apartment, and also when you have an eviction on your record it is almost impossible to rent another place.

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You need to communicate this all with her. So many problems would be helped if we all just communicated… Do it soon because you’re husband will start the resentment if he hasn’t already. And if he has, I don’t blame him. You’re trying to start your own family… Tell your mother this. She can either contribute like an adult or she needs to leave. Good luck… -( go have that talk now)

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I would set a deadline for her. Be practical instead of asking for help with bills say we need to have you set aside money each month to go towards a new place. Help look for places that are rent controlled so she can afford it better. Sleeping all day and not helping out would be a no go for me. Instead of paying bills she should be cleaning or babysitting.

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Is there senior housing available for her at her income level? Deadlines are important. If you set one, stick to it.

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She cannot stay with you. It will cause problems. Even if shes your mother, she’s an adult. You need to have your time now and your husband will not tolerate it forever. Be blunt, tell her you cannot continue this and that your husband needs time with you!

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Sounds like someone needs to take over power of attorney of her money. Any low income housing where your at? I’d call myself set up an appointment and make her go get on the waiting list. Tell her she has 2 choice get a place or get out. Might have to evict her from your house and let her be homeless and hit rock bottom.

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Look into income based apartments. Tell her that at this time, she needs to get ready to move.

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Give her a bottom line 4 months to find a home period and month before deadline file eviction and give notice.

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Set a deadline for her to move out which is what you guys should have done before you moved her into your home. But lesson learned. Good luck

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You need to hint daily

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What did your mom do for you growing up?

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Have that talk sooner than later. It is going to strain your newly marriage if it hasn’t already which you do not want. Set those deadlines and stick with it. I wish you luck

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I understand I’ve had lived with both my kids I suffer from panic attacks depression post trauma shock syndrome I didn’t have any money to help thanks to an ex husband who drained me mistake it doesn’t work I helped out with my grandkids as much as I could I live with my best friend now we have been friends forever it works for both of us I was getting in the way things are better now I know your struggle ask gently for some help maybe she’ll understand good luck

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You dont say anything. This is your husband’s mother and it’s his job to deal with her. He needs to grow a set and deal with it

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Sit down and talk with her. It’s best.

It sucks, but you have to be straight up. The advice on a dead line is great…if she gets mad, then that’s on her. Shes a grown up. If she doesnt get much, maybe help her look for a place that’s rent controlled or cheap…somethingbshe can afford. Do NOT co-sign ANYTHING as well, or else they can come after YOU for her financial mistakes.
Tell her you guys need her to help around the house, and if she doesnt want to help, then she has to leave.
You said you didnt have much if a relationship before this happened, and I’m telling you now, it will get worse if you allow her to stay.

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From where I come from we take care of our old parents irrespective of how they are

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If she is an addict, have you tried talking to her about going into treatment? She needs to get her life together first. First step is treatment.

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If she’s low income I would look into HUD. It’s housing based on your income level and very affordable. Most states have a waiting list to get into a HUD apartment of 6mths to a year depending on the need. Also, if she does get into HUD housing there is something called a HEAT program that helps pay electric bill. You need to be proactive and get the ball rolling because it doesn’t sound like she’s going to.

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