My oldest child feels left out since I had a baby: What can I do?

My fiancé and I have three kids. Two girls ages 9 and 7 and one boy 6 months. We were blessed with our boy after we tried for 4 years to have a baby when we finally decided enough was enough and that it just wasn’t going to happen (the month after we discussed and agreed we were done trying and extremely grateful for our girls). While I was pregnant with our youngest, my oldest daughter kept asking me if I would forget about her when the baby came. I did my best to reassure her that I would always love and be there for her and would never ever forget about her. I did the same for my other daughter, as well. We crammed as much family time as we could before the baby came because we knew things were going to change. When he arrived, everything was going great. The girls adjusted well, and they were such big helpers! I still made sure I gave them as much attention as I could with a newborn. As time went by, I noticed my oldest drifting away. I started spending more one on one time with her and reassuring her that I still loved her etc. The other night I could hear her crying in her room. I went into her room to see what was going on. We had a heart to heart, and she told me she feels like I don’t want her anymore, and she is scared that I’m going to send her off to a new family now that I have a new kid. I’ve tried my hardest to make her feel wanted and loved. It kills me to know she feels this way. How do I make her realize that I still want and need her in my life and that I’m not going to ship her off to someone else?

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She sounds very jealous. You are doing everything right. Maybe do some play therapy to work through her feelings and fears

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You tell your daughter that a mother’s heart has enough love for 1000 kids and and no matter how many kids you have, none of them will ever take her place.

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Spend time with them

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I’m positive as a mom of more than one that thought of sending off older child never ever entered a thought never;”( maybe at 9 she’s starting the puberty girl changes mentally n hormones can be part of reason ??

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Something is telling me she might be playing on your feelings. Did she feel this way when you had your second daughter? I’m not saying there isn’t a possibility her feelings are justified. If you are making her feel like she truly belongs and you are loving her with all you’ve got, she will just have to learn to adjust. Like another person commented, she sounds a little jealous. You don’t want to allow her to manipulate you. If she sees a way into getting attention with pity, she will keep it up. Let her know she is worthy and mommy will always love her. You don’t want your second daughter to follow suit and making you feel guilty for having another child

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Date night with your son. If I had a weekday off work. I’d take him out of school and go out together.

I can tell you this terrified me with my kids. My oldest and middle are two years apart. I included my son in every aspect of my daughter’s care. I let him feed her, pick out her clothes, food, etc. It went well. Five years after my daughter, I had my youngest son. I included both of them in his care. He loved the attention and would smile and coo at them. They felt included and important, vital, to his life. All three of them are adults now and they are as close as can be! They adore each other and are fiercely protective of one another. I’m guessing at this point, your daughter has learned that even negative attention is still attention. If you feel this is something you can turn around on your own, do! But if she starts to show signs of serious depression, please seek help for her asap. Her age and up start to pose a serious danger to themselves when depressed and seeking attention. They can even attempt suicide. They’re so impulsive and can even attempt for attention and succeed accidentally. I’m not telling you this to upset you and I hope you take it as it’s meant. I’m a psych nurse btw. Better to be safe and prepared than sorry. Sending love and strength to you momma

She could be jealous and playing you or you can take her to a therapist and see if she’s got depression. Perhaps kids at school tell her she’s not wanted. Mine are 11,10, and almost 9. They can’t wait for their new baby brother. My oldest keeps claiming it’s hers lol

Just keep letting your daughter.knowntheres alot.of love to.go around u can only.do so much as a mother.she could be playing.on your feelings do your very best.if it.continues seek professional help about your daughter.u can only.do.so much.good luck

I saw on a tv show where the mother bought a nice present from the baby to the siblings.:blush:

Get them to help taking care of him, his smiles will eventually get them to love him.

Maybe she felt this way since her sister was born and was scared it would only get worse with another baby. You are doing everything you can. Send her to therapy and keep reminding her how precious she is as your first born. She could also be showing first signs of a mental disorder.

She might be hormonal

Tell her you love her so much and you need her to help you with the baby she will feel special an it will go away do not give up she will be fine some people are naturally jealous it is ok she is young

I would question did she hear you say you always wanted a boy? Kids hear everything. Maybe something you said while you didn’t think she heard? Maybe that’s where all this is coming from.
Just keep reassuring her that you love her. Keep all kids included. Play games. Make time for all :slight_smile:

Most kids feel this way see if you can do a date night with her are maybe let her have a sleepover with friends. Sounds like someone is telling her stuff as well I would try talking to her more why would she think you would ship her off to a other family.

Sounds to me she is just looking for attention and playing you just my opinion

And this is possible have Dan some time with the baby at night and during bedtime you could read to her or just have a heart-to-heart talk with her or something that’s just you and her and just keep telling her you love her and that every new baby bring its own bag of love and maybe you could even like let her join in with her being the big sister and helping you take care of the baby of what her age will allow

I’m facing that I think as well