My sister in law and I fell out and now my husband is promising her "secret meetings" with our kids: Advice?

So at the beginning of last year, my husband cut his sister out of our lives. She hasn’t seen my son in a little over a year now, and she has not met our new baby. Since then, they have made up, and he promises her time with the babies. My issue is the reason he cut her out is that she went off on him about something I posted. She took it personally when it wasn’t directed at anyone; it was just a post saying I’m raising my babies to decide who they show love to. I won’t let anyone force them to show affection because that is extremely creepy, in my opinion. She has done a lot of other things as well, such as: threatening cps for no reason, talking shit about me behind my back, insisting I spoke badly about her, taking credit for my baby shower even though I planned it alone because no one wanted to help me, made me apologize for my face, and more. I told my husband I don’t want her around the kids until she and I sit down and talk everything out because I don’t want to walk on eggshells my entire life or worry about her bad-mouthing me in front of my children as she does with my husband. But now that they made up, that has gone out the window, and he promises her time with the kids in secret. Maybe I’m just overreacting and need to give up on wanting a conversation with her.

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Oh yeah those “secret meetings” are not okay at all. That wouldn’t sit right with me

Sounds like you need to deal with your husband. Mine would be out of this house so fucking quick…

Ps. She’s not the issue he is

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Maybe you should reach out and speak with herself🤷🏽‍♀️

So your husband is going behind your back?

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Everyone involved sounds immature. The kids can’t see their aunt because you don’t like her over petty arguments?

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I believe your husband is doing you wrong to set up meetings and ensure her secret meetings of time with your children. Unless you can sit down and resolve differences with her, your household will be walking on eggshells. I would be pitching a fit if my spouse ensured meetings with his sister and my children, I disagree with Andie Beth. After being married to my husband for 55+ years (we were married 58 yrs. before he passed away) my husband’s sister referred me to my husband as being “that woman”. Of course, he did remind me before we married, “you are marrying me, not my family”. I guess he knew what to expect. Good luck to you!

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Life too short ,Don’t be the reason your husband has to sneak. Just tolerate her. Show your husband and children,you are a woman of remarkable character.

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So…he is purposely going behind your back about this? That is the issue right there. She isnt as big of an issue when he is the one going behind your back about something as important as your kids

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Talk to your husband and tell him no not until you straighten the issues out that’s not right what he’s doing

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My previous husband’s mother took up for his sister in a situation I didn’t even create. I told him what happened as soon as it did and he took up for me. It was all based on lies. Yet she opted to believe her daughter instead of him!

What do you mean she made you apologize for your face?

I’d be deeply offended that my husband would disregard my feelings & go behind my back. They’re his kids too. You can’t prevent him from taking them somewhere. Your relationship has problems though. How can you trust him? I couldn’t. I’d look into a marriage counselor.

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I’m sorry but she’s allowed to be petty if the SIL is being petty. They sound like legit reasons to me honestly. Your husband has no right to give her access to YOUR children until YOU are ready. Shame on her if she’s pushing him to let her see them. Shame on him for assuming he can do what he wants without your consent. Shame on all of yall for telling her to tolerate either of their behavior. NO ONE who threatens to call CPS on me is getting anywhere near my children. EVER. I don’t give a rats ass if they are “family”. Bringing drama and shit and she’s expected to be the bigger person? Bullcrap. Sometimes you do NOT have to be the bigger person. If it is making YOUR life easier to not have to deal with petty ass drama BY ALL MEANS PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN. You DO NOT have to let her see YOUR children until she’s done with her bullcrap. Your mental health and stress levels are far more important for you and your kids then playing nice to "keep the peace " with a disrespectful family member. The nerve. Seriously. :roll_eyes:

I say a little pow wow with both of them is needed. Clear the air. Life is too short & communication needs to happen clearly between all of you so there’s no he said/ she said

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Life is too short to keep children away from their family for dumb reasons. Make up and move on. It’s not that serious. Our children need all the love they can get.

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Let him take the kids to see her.
Me and inlaws fell out. I still encouraged the kids to message them and keep contact. I dont need to see them. Your husband still should be honest with you tho

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Just because you all as adults are having disputes and choosing to not have contact does not mean you should take it out on the children. Speaking on experience here, there was a time a fell out with a certain individual but I still allowed the kids to communicate (whether it be face time, phone conversations or even my other half bringing the child to said persons house for a play date). I also always invited them over for birthdays even though we have not personally spoken in years (my other half would often relay the message). Just because you may not personally get along with the other party involved does not mean the children should be punished by seeing their aunt, uncle, nieces, nephews etc. It’s called being a mature adult and putting your differences aside for the sake of the children involved even if you have not personally resolved said issues. That’s just me though :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Communication is key. Have a calm conversation with both your husband and sister in law… no relationship is perfect and will always require some tlc.

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Tsk tsk… hubby should know better

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