My sister in law makes everything a competition: Thoughts?

I really need fresh eyes and opinions when it comes to this situation so I can move forward realistically in this situation. The back story my husband and I have been together 13 years, we have two kids together, 12 and 3. My relationship with my in-laws has always been filled with ups and downs because they have a problem respecting boundaries and Metal way too much in our lives; they have helped us financially from time to time throughout the years we always make sure to pay them back. My husband is the oldest first to be married and has kids. he has two brothers and one sister. Up until five years ago, when his sister had her first, she and I were pregnant together and gave birth four weeks apart, both girls. It was horrible, heartbreaking, and disappointing. I was all excited, but she turned everything into a competition when I found out I was pregnant she said I stole her thunder, she wasn’t going to find out the gender of her baby, but because I did, she found out hers, she wasn’t going to have a baby shower, but because I said I was having one she had one and my in-laws paid for part of it, I didn’t get to have a baby shower cause she threw a fit because the family wouldn’t come to both, when she had the baby she said she didn’t want people at the hospital and didn’t want people to see the baby until the baby had its shots, but she had people there just not her brother or me. after I allowed everyone to be there for the birth of my kids. She said she wasn’t throwing her baby a 1st birthday party, after I had my baby’s 1st birthday party planned she asked if she could join our party last min the party cost $800 and they paid $200 this is after babysitting for her for $50 a month and giving her all my baby’s hand me downs that are all in very good condition. she still hasn’t had to buy her child any clothes because of me giving her the clothes my child grows out of, and it’s gone to the point where she relies on it and expects it from me. They also took over my daughter’s 2years old party without talking to dad or me first. They didn’t ask if we could have a party for both girls. I just showed up with presents for both girls sing happy birthday to both. When the party was at my house, my husband and I paid for our daughter’s party. She is pregnant again. She isn’t planning on anyone seeing the baby again. I don’t see my niece much since I don’t babysit. Her, her husband, and I recently got into it because they took it upon themselves to discipline yell at my oldest who they made feel really bad then told her to keep what had happened from me from me and I feel they owe an apology to my daughter for how they made her feel and for making her feel like she has to lie to me and her dad but they refused. I got told we are not entitled to time with their kids or to see them, they are not making time for our kids and that we won’t find out anything unless they want us too. I am angry that they are so selfish and entitled when I am not at all like that with anything, I think they are horrible parents I don’t think they should have any more kids because they are really selfish people and self-absorbed How would you handle this? Oh and when I need my kids watched by my in laws there are rules planning and stipulations but my sis in law can just drop my niece off no warning. I am really angry that my child got hurt in all of this and they refuse to apologize, I am heartbroken that I got attached to my niece and I don’t get to see her or know anything about her often. I am I’m so hurt and disgusted that I don’t know how to handle this effectively. I need advice please

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This was kind of hard to read but here goes. You needed from beginning to establish boundries. You are not late.
If you live very close for piece of mind you need to move. This is if you can afford it.
You have no obligation to like or put up with your in laws. Yes you might love the little one but you need to separate yourselves from this moocher.

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It’s sad and sucks but just let them be. Don’t give her anymore hand me downs. Don’t bother with her anymore. Also try to find a different sitter for you kids when possible.

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Sounds like you’ve allowed yourself to be a pushover. It’s time to cut them out of your life completely.

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Sad to say but cut ties and move on.

The best thing to do is to focus on your family. Reduce time spent with your in-laws. They will either reach out and want to see your kids or not. If they do, then have a heart to heart (hubby included). If not, move on. That mich spite and negativity isn’t good for kids to be around.

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Family dynamics can be very tough. Its like you have been forced to like someone that, if you had met in any other situation, you wouldn’t be friends with them. If you have truly done all that you feel you can to live harmoniously with her as your sister in law and it is still a problem, then you need to detach. Either mentally, where you dont let her behaviour effect you so deeply, or as others have said, move some distance away. But I think mentally detaching is necessary either way. Teach your daughter that has been hurt by whatever happened, how to deal with it also. Because, you know, thats life!

Relax, take this opportunity to stay away from them and raise your kids in a mental and emotional healthy environment, they are toxic not just to you but to the kids and that’s something that you have to be careful…

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You just have to let them be. It sucks not seeing your niece and it sucks not having them there for you and yours but At the end of the day don’t do anything for anyone of them. Give them the same energy they give you.

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U teach people how to treat you … U didn’t teach them right from the beginning . You’re kind of screwed now . Best bet stop all contact til she realizes what she has done . But u r the sister in law so u do realize it’ll all your fault

The grandparents will have her child as and when it’s their daughter …Everything else take with a ouch of salt treat them how they treat you , they don’t tell you anything, do the same organise your own kids party’s ? Stop giving her clothes…if your husband has spoken to them and nothing has changed…it never will , let them get in with it live your life your way you or your kids don’t need drama

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Fuck her. Don’t be around her or associate with her. Problem solved.

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Get your child away from them or, the way you’re feeling right now, they will have the child feeling the same way. And your kids will be questioning their actions, like you feel right now.

I would walk away from the situation and live my best life, it’s all you really can do, you cant change them. You can only change yourself, so do that, and shine bright like a diamond. :wink::laughing::gem:

You live and you learn. It sounds like you have “lived” enough to “learn”. If you remain sucked in you will continue is this negative pattern. Stop already. Live your life with your little nuclear family. If you allow negativity it will continue and fester. You are a married grown woman with two children. Stop relying, depending and involving people who bring drama into your lives. Do your own thing. Refocus. You are a role model and a parent. Behaving with dignity and respect is what you need to show your children. They need to see you setting positive boundaries and having healthy relationships. The people who want to be a part of your lives will adjust or you need to limit/cut out their involvement. Your not a kid. Its not tit for tat. Don’t compete and there will be no competition. You got this!!!

I think you are pushover and your husband’s family knows it. You have to be the one to break the chain. Can’t please everybody.

You and your husband have allowed this.

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I agree that you’ve stayed silent for too long and it’s to your detriment. Stop being a people pleaser. Put these people in their place, tell them exactly how you feel, and if they don’t step up, you follow through and step out. Your mil and fil should be ashamed for choosing their daughter’s kids over yours. I’m speaking from experience here. If you have your husband’s support, be super grateful for that, be grateful for your family, focus on your kids’ relationship with your own family (hopefully they are more involved with your kids), and leave his family to themselves until they’re ready to respect you.

I would just have nothing to do with that side of the family anymore. Case closed. And my husband had better back me up on it or he’s going to be standing right next to them on the curb.

I would call her out and tell her she is jealous and insecure and being rediculous, she cant possibly treat you any worse, but at least you got to say your piece !!
Some people like to tear others down to feel better about themselves, that is not your fault or anything you did. Remind yourself of that all the time!
I’m sorry she is doing that to you

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