My SO doesn't care about gifts but I do: Anyone else go through this?

Does anyone here have a partner who just doesn’t care for gifts, but you do? Like… they don’t necessarily want/value gifts themselves, so they don’t really think much of them for others either? It sincerely hurts my feelings that I put so much thought and effort into gifts for my husband, and he doesn’t do the same for me. I understand it’s petty, and there are bigger problems in the world… but I’m going to be petty about it. I’ll be the first to admit I’m bougie, but I’ve told him that it’s not about money. He doesn’t have to spend money to make me happy. A handwritten note is sufficient. Breakfast in bed, getting up with our daughter in the morning, a foot rub… there are so many ways to show love and appreciation for someone without spending money… but I know he won’t even do something like that. Sincerely, I’m really not looking forward to being the only person without a gift to open tomorrow night. With all the gifts under the tree… not a single one is for me. Even my stocking is empty and will remain empty, while the others are stuffed with goodies. Usually I get stuff for myself… but decided it wasn’t worth it this year. I can’t possibly be the only one feeling this way.

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:woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming::woman_facepalming::woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging::woman_shrugging:

I think its all about the kids honestly…I dont expect gifts…just for the kids

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Love languages. Ya’ll should look into them and discuss. Some people truly don’t understand that the way they give and receive love can be totally different than someone else …(love language). Once you can both communicate what your love language is and understand…things will be so much better.

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I don’t like receiving gifts and he loves to give gifts. They were raised differently when it came to the holiday season than myself. I used to be so hurt because I felt like he could only show me love with a present. We’ve been together 5 years now and this Christmas he asked me what I wanted and usually I tell him whatever you want to do but this year I said the only thing I want for Christmas is to not open a gift and make it all about the kids because that’s how I was raised. Once you hit 18 there was nothing under the tree for you. And the type of presents we got we’re always home made so it meant more.

Lots of men are like that… :woman_shrugging:. I just buy what I want with his card​:woman_shrugging::rofl:

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Look at Love Nudge…it’s an app that teaches you what love languages are, what one person needs from the other, and you can set reminders and goals for your relationship daily, weekly,and monthly.

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If I get gifts for Christmas then it’s a bonus!
What truly makes me happy and is the best gift for me is too watch the reaction on my kids faces when opening their gifts. The happiness that fills the room is priceless…

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Have someone outside of the family talk to him about how you feel maybe that’ll make him realize how much this hurts you, like you said maybe at least a card

Welp…then perhaps you should find someone who feels the same. If you choose him, don’t complain.
I put my own gifts in my stocking, my husband doesn’t think to that :rofl: But he does take out the garbage, puts gas in car and does all the other shit throughout the year I don’t want to. I will stuff my stocking full with his 20$, if it means I dont have to do all that other stuff :sweat_smile:

Have a read of 5 language of love by Gary Chapman.

This year i boughtyself what i wanted and bought him nadda (not to be mean but thats how it ended up) i told him we cam buy himself something in jan.

Ive been working non stop since nov 18th so i treated myself

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Since it might be too late to trade him in on a new one, about a month before Christmas next year, write a very clear list of what you want.

Don’t buy him anything. Once he realizes there is nothing for him after a year or 2 he’ll catch on

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Last year my so was like this and we didn’t exchange. We did this year and we both were much happier.

Hubby and I both aren’t gift people. I used to want cards, but he just isn’t that type. So I figured I had a choice. Get upset and bitchy every holiday about a card or accept that he shows me he loves me every day in the little things he does. Our anniversary was the 22nd. Christmas was yesterday. No cards. No gifts. We spent the day together yesterday. Like we have done since September when he got hurt at work. I work from home. Then covid. So 24/7 together. And I love him.

I think it’s pretty common for the mom to do it all.

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I haven’t gotten a gift for any occasion for 5 years now.

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I means I don’t see the big deal. To me holidays are for the kids not the parents. You can’t make him change. Expectations breed disappointment. You know he doesn’t care for gift exchanging, so why do you expect it to change?

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Honestly don’t get him anything. My husband and I never buy each other gifts, we just do for the kids. We both prefer to make sure they have a nice holiday than worry about gifts for each other. If it’s that important to you you need to straight up tell him that it not only bothers you but makes you feel bad and unloved…