My SO is way older than me and I feel like our relationship isn't going anywhere: Advice?

Anyone have a SO that’s significantly older than you, and you feel like life is basically at a standstill in the relationship? My husband is 15 years older than me. We have been together for 5 1/2 years, got married after two months ( which probably wasn’t a good choice) we have a four-year-old daughter, and I’m 33 weeks pregnant with our son. He’s 45, and I’m 29. I’ve gotten to the point that I feel like there is no reason to be married to him anymore. I love him dearly, but life really sucks with him. He is always grumpy. He barely spends time with our daughter and never spends any time with me. Yes, I get he works all day, but when I’m not pregnant, I work too. I had to quit my job bc it was risking my son. He’s very nasty and means when he gets upset. He throws all of my fears in my face when he gets mad and calls me really nasty names. I’m not working, and I still give him money since I got a small inheritance when my grandmother passed away. His checks from his job barely pay the bills. I pay for all the food in the house, plus I am the one who bought everything for our son, and I buy everything for our daughter, plus give him the difference every month when his check doesn’t cover it. He spends money like it isn’t an issue. He bought at 10,000 piano simply bc he wanted one. We couldn’t afford another bill, but he didn’t care. When he talks about the money, he always tells me I need to stop spending money. Well I can’t bc then the kids don’t have anything, and there’s no food in the house. I mean we went out for my birthday, and I paid for everything! Not saying that matters but still. I paid for piano lessons for him and paid 1000 for a new system for his truck ( I now really regret doing that) I just don’t know what to do. I don’t have anywhere to go if I leave—the only place I have a motor home. I have money and will be getting a job as soon as I can after I have my son, but I just don’t know what to do. We don’t communicate. When I try, he talks down to me. He always talks to me like I’m stupid. He complains when things aren’t done, but he makes no effort to help out. Idk I just needed to vent. I’m so over this relationship, and even though I love him, I wish I never met him. He doesn’t listen at all. Nothing is ever his fault. He makes plans and then tells me about them. He is not asking if I have plans or if it’s ok for people to come to stay at our house ( this happened once, but still, something similar happened when I had my daughter too, he left me the whole day after we got home from the hospital) IDK what I need. But if you got this far, thanks for at least reading this.

54 Likes

You deserve to be happy

1 Like

My man is 14 yrs older than me I’m 33 he’s 47. I’m starting to feel like this was a waste of time. We never have sex and I’m very unhappy. Glad I never had kids with him though. Hope you find your happiness

2 Likes

He sounds like a selfish loser.

1 Like

I’m so sorry that you’re going through all this, but I think you already know what you need to do. Sounds like you were doing your part in your marriage, but he wasn’t. Some things you shouldn’t have done. He needs to get his priorities straight. Sounds like you can take care of you and your babies alone. Children pick up on everything. Do what makes you and your babies happy, secure and safe. Peace of mind is everything

1 Like

You should leave your children deserve to see their mother happy.

3 Likes

It honestly doesnt sound so much like the age difference is the biggest problem, mostly the way he treats you. Any woman being treated like that at any age should leave… and find someone more deserving of you. Itll be hard, but itll be worth it for your babies :heart:

8 Likes

I think you need a new life plan!!

5 Likes

take the rest of your small inheritance and leave. It’s not an age difference, it’s a dickhead difference. Chances are good that when the money is gone, he will leave too. So you’ll be without a father for your kids and without anything to provide for them.

14 Likes

All I can say is that you should decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with him, he’s not going to change for the good. Good luck!

1 Like

I doesnt sound like his age as anything to do with it. Hes acting like an asshole, an asshole in his 20s could act the same way. If you’re not happy and you can leave then do it

It’s hard to really understand an entire relationship when hearing from one side, but that being said, it really sounds like he’s using you. Marriage should be a team effort, where you help one another, but he’s making himself and his desires a priority over you and your children. I would say that if there is no desire to salvage on your end, then look at a means of getting out. If he’s spending money that should be going to necessities on useless stuff, then he has no problem making other tactless decisions.

3 Likes

Seems like this isn’t an age thing, it’s a him thing. He screams Narcissist from what you’ve said…

Do what you need to, there’s places for women to go to get on their feet

3 Likes

He sounds very selfish. He wont change either. I would leave his butt and with child support you should be fine with what’s left from your inheritance until you can get a job. Stop spending it on him.

5 Likes

Leave and quit giving him your money so you can do for yoyrself and kids

2 Likes

Take the money and run​:musical_note::musical_note:

1 Like

A motor home is more than what other women have and they leave. If you are miserable and he brings nothing good to you and your kids, hes toxic. So u know in your mind what to do. The heart will play games with you. Being pregnant is hard enough. The hornones, lack of sleep, body changes, and complications? Wow he needs to step in and listen and love you. If he cared he would show it and u wouldnt feel this way. Id move out. Sometimes theg just need a reality check. Im in a 20 year relationship and weve had ins and out about just about everything. We overcome it all because we love each other. If u really love him youll find a way to make it work. Best wishes girl! XO

3 Likes

My fiance is 20 years older than me.
And last july we did decide to take a small break from eachother and focus on ourselves because it was something we both needed.
I feel like because hes older sometimes he forgets that I’m still learning things and sometimes will criticize me if i do something differently but he almost always realizes it and apologizes.

So not really like your situation. Tho there was a little while there that he was constantly putting me doen when wed fight and telling me i was crazy and worthless wouldnt let me make plans because he was always making plans. And thats partially why we took that break and it made him realize he needed to start treating me better. We still have problems here and there but thats normal. And he was nowhere near as bad as ur guy seems.

You gotta do whats best for you and the kids. You deserve to be happy and to be treated right. You deserve respect. And if he cant give you that he doesn’t deserve you

Before he spends all your money…leave!! If he is just going to be a dick and buy useless stuff the leave… Sell that piano first though!!

9 Likes

sell the piano on your way out too, while he’s at work. Then take the cash and leave. If you own where you are, get a restraining order, or file eviction on him.

7 Likes