During my pregnancy, my other half was never home. I was placed on extreme bed rest due to major health concerns, was not allowed alone with my children (major health issues could lead to my being hurt), and despite this, his hobbies and activities came first. He said he was trying to make money, but it didn’t pan out. When I had her, I crashed and almost died. After I had her, I thought he would be home more. When I begged for more time, he got angry. He didn’t have any sort of interest in spending time together until I was packing my bags when she was six months old since I was doing it all alone anyway. I’m struggling with this. He says he panicked. I need advice on how to look past this. I trust him, and we had hit our seven-year mark. My older children, he’s raised like they were his own. Please, only helpful advice.
7 year mark is just an excuse, either you love someone or you dont.
He will either be there for you or he won’t.
If you’ve talked to him about and he didnt take you seriously until you left then that is his fault. He showed you his true intentions.
Pack your bags and leave for a little bit. Show him you’re serious. What’s the point in having a roommate you have to take care of. If he was doing this before the birth of your child, it’s not a case of him being traumatized from almost losing you. It’s who he is, only you can decide if you want to deal with that or not.
Has he changed for the better, since he panicked ? If not you have your answer . Good luck Momma
Im sorry. Do you believe you made a wise choice? Or are you worn out with the choice you made?
Stay gone until you’ve worked out a set of must haves from him. Things he will commit to. Being home every saturday, being home for mornings, and then dinner through bedtime every night. He must be home when you are sick. Whatever it is. If he can’t even negotiate stuff like that, it won’t work. If he says he will do it, come home and give him 1 month to give you what you asked for. If he screws up beyond that, leave again and don’t come back. He needs to learn how to prioritize. Either he’ll figure it out, or he won’t. Sink or swim. I would suggest counseling too. But first you have to decide if he really loves you or he’s just afraid to be alone when he comes home.
If he isn’t around has no time for your or his own child then there’s no hope pack his bags and tell him to sling it
If his attitude has changed since packing your bags, then maybe try counseling to move past it. However if he’s already back to being how he was before I’d say you need to leave. Being together 7 years doesn’t mean you’re stuck together, people grow ans change and either you do it together or you have to move on…
My advice is to leave. Your children are learning that you have no value in your relationship. Your boys are learning how to treat their future wife and your daughters are learning women have no value.
You don’t look past this. You leave. You put your big girl panties on and choose your kids first and leave.
He needs to shape up or ship out. It’s up to him to prove to you that he has changed and that he realizes his behavior was wrong. He has to change and do better. If he does you will begin to heal naturally, but if he doesn’t you will have your answer as well, that youre better off without him.
I say Therapy.
You can’t fix the problem when you don’t understand the underlying issues that may be causing those problems. But that would be the last resort. Because if it don’t help or hes not willing to gob then hes not willing to save the relationship.
If he was that way before he may say he panicked just to get you to stay get out of there he will change for a week or even a month then go right back cause he thinks he has you where he wants you threaten to leave he will pull all kinds of stunts to keep you there he sounds like he can’t live with you and can’t live without don’t give him a choice get out and stay .
Believe it or not it’s really really hard for a man when his wife is pregnant and that first year after birth I know not an excuse but I speak from personal experience that with the body changes and the hormones and everything else it scares the shit out of men I have met a few champs that do great but it’s very rare. give him time give him patience and understanding and don’t forget his needs as a man more often than not, woman have to put the best foot forward to start seeing change. All of this being said I am assuming you still love him
Listen when you are together it is for better or worse in sickness and health. If he can’t be there during those times I wouldn’t let him be there in the good times. Only you can answer the question you put out there. We can say what we would do. Good luck and God bless.
People go through shit. Times get tough. It’s for better or worse, regardless of a ring, when y’all have family. For me… It’s been the worst 2 years of our lives (together since 2007), but we stuck it out and we are better people for it. Our love is stronger than it’s ever been. Don’t throw in the towel when times get tough. You say you trust him… so trust him. If nothing changes then you know. But keep communicating or you’ll never figure things out.
If when you almost died, didn’t face him; then honestly don’t think anything will! If you’re looking for advice from total strangers knowingly you will stay w/this so call man there’s really no need for advice. You need to learn your worth first, why would you want your own children learning from this person if he can’t even help their mother in a time of need!
You are raising another child. Please stop. You are not HIS mother and have enough on your plate. It’s time to move on, for good
I am so sorry you have a young baby and are having to deal with this. This must be so difficult for you. Is the love still there between the two of you? Do you want it to work out? I wouldn’t recommend leaving unless you are absolutely sure. Don’t do something you would regret later on. He might be going through something that is causing this behavior. I would get to the root cause of what’s really going on and then go from there to see if it can be fixed. I think a trained therapist can help you discover the deeper issues here.
You should have still left. Actions speak louder than words.
Leave. It doesn’t get better. His actions say he doesn’t care, and actions speak louder than words. He should have been there. Mine did the same and nothing ever changes.