My SO was invited somewhere and I don't want to go: Advice?

So my SO has been invited to celebrate his best friend’s daughter’s 21st in New Zealand (we live on the west coast of Australia). He hasn’t been home in six years. We have two boys who will be 3y 4m and a 13m old at the time of the event. He wants us all to go for six days. With travel time, that is really only 4.5 days. (Travel time is 12 hours over two flights…with two small kids). The time difference is 4 hours. I would like to go for “the holiday”, but from my perspective…it will be effing hard work. Kids out of sorts, jet lag…visiting people whose houses aren’t kid-friendly. My perspective is that that the kids will be completely screwed up with naps/sleep, and it’s not worth it for such a short period. I have (genuinely) offered to stay home with the kids so SO can go on his own and enjoy himself…but apparently, he didn’t like that offer because he wants us all to go. I don’t think he realizes how hard it will be. Am I the arsehole??

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Why not give it a try? Meet in the middle. Most men wouldn’t even push you coming, he is. :woman_shrugging: life isn’t promised, live like its your last.

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I have traveled by myself with our three boys often to meet up with my husband. From them being babies to toddlers. It’s not so hard and you might have a lot of fun!

Did you say all this to him? Your point sounds reasonable with such young children. He maybe thinking he wants his family all together which isnt a bad thing. Ask if he is going to be willing to forgo certain things if the kids need him instead.

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Nooooo I wouldn’t do it either! It’s such effort getting the kids into routine for it to be screwed for the sake of a few days & 12 hours travelling with them hell nahhh! :joy: tell him to enjoy it! X

You’re not an arsehole, at all, and your assessment of the situation is right. That being said…consider going. I have all of these concerns every time we travel, even when it’s a trip I REALLY want to make, and once I’m there I’m always really glad we did it. Is it possible to extend the trip? I mean my thought process is the exact same as yours. And the distance we travel for trips is about the same, but I love making memories with our family and having photos and experiences to look back on. I have never regretted going anywhere once we are there, even when it is just for 4 days. I hope you figure it out Ma! Just know you aren’t alone.

Why not meet in the middle , find a sitter so you and him can go .

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Nope! I felt the same way with my twins! It’s really hard work controlling kids in an unfamiliar place. As long as it doesn’t cause big problems for you and your SO, I’d say stand firm. :tipping_hand_woman:t4: I often voted to stay home as well.

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U are not wrong for not wanting to go. My advice is to go! He wants all of u to go. Can’t tell u how many post I see of women complaining their spouse don’t even look @ them. Ik it’s hard with kids but hey u might have a really good time :purple_heart:

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I think its ridiculous to use the kids as an excuse. People travel with kids every day. It’s not that big of a deal to have their schedule messed up for a vacation. Go and have fun and dont be such a debbie downer! Make memories as a family.

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Maybe you can find someone to keep your children so you can both go as a couple and just enjoy being husband and wife?

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If he hasn’t been home in awhile I understand how he feels. If he promised to help with the kids go. You may have a wonderful time.

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Um your kids need to learn how to adapt and he wants his family with . I would go but only if he is the pitch in type of dad and it’s a us thing with the kids and gear . Have fun lighten up take a break from the reg schedule.

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Dude. Travel. Find a sitter. Go with him!!

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It would be a great experience for the kids and how do you know they won’t enjoy the flight? they may surprise you and behave better then you expect. It’s never an easy task travelling with kids but we can’t not do it because it’s in the ‘too hard’ bucket…

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God no I find it hard just traveling on public transport to the local town never mind having to take two flights over 12 hours , I defo couldn’t and wouldn’t want to do it with kids so young x

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My fiance doesn’t get how much stress it is to go with kids either.

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I took my 16 month old from the US to Ireland by myself, full days travel, to see my husband. It really wasn’t that bad. If he hasn’t been home in that long I’d suck it up and go. It’s not like he asks twice a year. It’ll be a fun adventure. I understand not wanting to go, but just try to think of things differently, could be fun.

Go visit you husbands home. An effort and a few days of changes isnt the end. Hes proud of his family and wants them there. But he should help to make it easier for you since its very true what your saying.

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You only live once, but even as hard as it MIGHT turn out to be, it may also be a GREAT tine for all of you! I say …take the chance!!

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