My son acts out when he comes home from his dads: Advice?

But… ever since he’s started going over there (the dad has a Gf and her two kids living there as well as the paternal grandmother), our child comes home and cries and whines about every single thing. Especially if he doesn’t get his way. I’ve tried talking to the dad about it, but he ignores those messages. The girlfriend made some posts about me last month saying I shouldn’t judge someone until I get to know them. But it’s been over a year, and shes never tried to speak to me or have anything to do with me. She doesn’t even go to the drop-offs or picks ups. The dad and I and my husband tried to organize a co-parenting spring break vacation, and the girlfriend knocked that down and said it would be too awkward. Idk what I’m supposed to do about the whining every 5 minutes. I’ve accepted the fact that the girlfriend is immature and can’t be an adult about the situation, so I need some advice on the whining. I’m assuming the other children in that household act this way because he didn’t act like this before he started going over there. Please someone help me before I lose my mind.

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If she not felt comfortable doing this then shes not the one for this family…kick her out neways lol

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She’s got insecurity issues. How old is your son?

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The girlfriend has no obligation to meet you. You’re coparenting with your ex, not her. Don’t blame the gf for your sons whining either. He’s a child, trying to adjust living to two households, having two sets of rules etc… Get him in counseling. He needs someone to talk to about all of this and I have a feeling you just talk negative about his other family.

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When my cousin had her 3rd baby her oldest daughter started to have “accidents” on herself, have more of an attitude, and just do things that she knew would get her in trouble. When her mom started to try and date again she started acting out again. When the baby got sick she would act out again. She did this to get attention. Your son’s dad probably interacts with his girlfriend’s children more when they act out so your son is going to do what he knows will get him attention. They probably don’t show him enough attention. :confused:

You know what they say when you assume. Seriously change makes kids grumpy and act up even good change in routine mine. And sorry no way I would spend spring break with my x and their spouse even if I did like them. Yes it would be awkward and she has no place at pick up and drop offs that is for your ex your child and you. ex’s girlfriend does not have to be your friend or get to know you. She needs to be nice and caring to your child and participate in a loving home environment for him.

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You can’t control what’s happening at the other house. Explain you have different rules an expectations than dad’s house and do not DO NOT let him get his way when he whines at home. Eventually he will adapt to the difference in rules and behavior.

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Not the same situation…but my son is really whiny when he comes home from school or his mamaws. I just chalk it up to him having to be good for so long…he has to let off some steam when he comes home.

That would be awkward to go a vacation like that

I would absolutely speak to her and let her know that she is being counterproductive to it. I would include him in the messages as well. I would also tell them both that this whining crap will be coming to an end. It is annoying and honestly, setting him up to be in trouble with you.

As far as what to do about him, he would get ignored until he used his words without the whining. After this much time, you dont even have to tell him why you are ignoring him. And everyone needs to ignore him. No matter who he goes to. It may take a few visits for him to get it, but he will.

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Kids whine, especially when no one listens! Get your kid in therapy. Dad May be able to better take feed back from a therapist

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Parents don’t seem to understand how hard it is on the kids. So confusing and overwhelming. Try to put yourself in there shoes

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He probably whines when he goes over there also. The back and forth continuous changes are tough on little ones. You can only control what is going on ta your house and need to continue as normal. Discipline and reward as if nothing has changed while he was away.

You need to set ground rules between both houses. Sit down with your kiddos dad and set it together. You dont have to include the gf when doing it, but it does set a standard if you do. I co-parent myself and when my daughter started going over to her fathers that was the first thing I did. Also sit down with the kiddo and let him know that it’s not at all ok the way he acts.

Okay, I’m going to come at this from a different point of view as others commenting. Your child is adjusting to two different households. Behavior changes are definitely common. He is maybe coming back to his safe place to see how you will react to his behavior, good, bad, or indifferent. As far as that is concerned, keep your rules in place as they have been from the start. He will come to realize that it won’t work in your house, just because it might work there. Now as far as the girlfriend. For now, even though it’s been a year, she is still not “permanent”. So no need for her to be involved. However, I would politely ask her to quit making posts about you, if they are sincerely about you. Don’t talk about her to your son or to anyone when your son is within hearing distance. This will affect him. If she becomes permanent, then yes, you should definitely meet her and if you all can agree to coparent then that’s good. On the other hand, she is actually living there with her two kids, so I would probably insist on meeting her. Even if you have to go out of your way. Be the better person. Counseling might not be a bad idea either. Oh and spending spring break together might be a little much for anyone. Again, it depends on the relationship between the coparents, couples. Good luck.

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My daughter does this when she comes home from her great grandmas. They have 3 gonna be 5 kids in that home alone. Oldest is like 10. Not including my daughter. She does the same crap. Constantly cries and throws herself on the floor when she cant get her way. When shes not over there, she doesnt act like that. Like at all. I’m also clueless on what to do.

Hold your ground, be consistent and even tho you think the root is with the other household dont put that information on your son , always stay positive abt his other home and stick to your rules and family plan . Kids will try to test the limits and power, let them know by strong guidance and love that you are in charge and they will relax and trust .

well I would ignore the whining. but unless you and dad are on the same page about rules, parenting and so on that behavior will continue

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The girlfriend is just a girlfriend so she really doesn’t have to go to drop off/pick up. Maybe she doesn’t go because she feels that’s between you and the dad. And insread of waiting for her to reach lo ut to you, why not reach out to her? It is your kid that’s around her so it should be you reaching out to her so you can get to k ow the other woman helping take care of your kid. As far as the co-parenting vacation, it’s grest in theory but I wouldn’t want to go on vacation with my kids other set of family either.

My nephew was like that when he would come back home from my moms to his house. It was because at my moms his grandpa let him do whatever he wanted and would always get his way. He knew that didn’t fly at home with his mom. Maybe he gets to do whatever he wants at dads but knows you don’t play that at home.