My son doesn't want visit my moms house and I do not want to force him: Thoughts?

Hey ladies, I need some advice. I have a 5-year-old son who obviously loves legos and playing with his cousins. My family isn’t close at all to the point thanksgiving was canceled last minute (not on my part but the host, my mom, canceled. Last year Thanksgiving was also canceled. Well, we went to my mom’s/grandma’s house about two weeks ago, and my son informed me randomly that he doesn’t want to go back, as of now. I’m ok with this because they don’t have anything for a five-year-old to do, and they still treat him like he’s 2. Well, my mom texted me and asked if my son would come to help her put her Christmas tree up so I asked him and he said he didn’t want to, she has like ten grandkids. I informed her because I don’t feel right forcing him to go somewhere he doesn’t want to. Then she says well, can I take him to breakfast, once again he doesn’t want to. He enjoys being with kids and his toys. She is more than welcome over our house anytime she wants and knows that but still doesn’t come over. When I was with my ex, she blamed him for our family dynamic (he was abusive but didn’t cause how my family is). I broke up with him, and I’m with my now current boyfriend of 2 years, at first she loved him now it’s like once again she blames him for the way our family is. Am I wrong for allowing my son to have a voice and choose if he wants to go somewhere or not? I was forced to see people I didn’t want to as a kid, and it ended badly, and I still hate that I was forced to see them (that’s a story for a different day). Hey ladies, I need some advice. I have a five-year-old son who obviously loves legos and playing with his cousins. My family isn’t close at all to the point thanksgiving was canceled last minute (not on my part but the host, my mom, canceled. Last year Thanksgiving was also canceled. Well, we went to my mom’s/grandma’s house about two weeks ago, and my son informed me randomly that he doesn’t want to go back, as of now. I’m ok with this because they don’t have anything for a 5-year-old to do, and they still treat him like he’s 2. Well, my mom texted me and asked if my son would come to help her put her Christmas tree up so I asked him and he said he didn’t want to, she has like ten grandkids. I informed her because I don’t feel right forcing him to go somewhere he doesn’t want to. Then she says well, can I take him to breakfast, once again he doesn’t want to. He enjoys being with kids and his toys. She is more than welcome over our house anytime she wants and knows that but still doesn’t come over. When I was with my ex, she blamed him for our family dynamic (he was abusive but didn’t cause how my family is). I broke up with him, and I’m with my now current boyfriend of 2 years, at first she loved him now it’s like once again she blames him for the way our family is. Am I wrong for allowing my son to have a voice and choose if he wants to go somewhere or not? I was forced to see people I didn’t want to as a kid, and it ended badly, and I still hate that I was forced to see them (that’s a story for a diffe

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Don’t let him go then simple

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If my child were to tell me they didn’t want to go then I wouldn’t make them. Simple as that. If they family doesn’t respect you giving your child the option then forget them lmao I’m sorry but I wouldn’t make mine either.

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If he doesn’t want to go he has his reasons and those need to be validated. I won’t force my kids to visit people they aren’t comfortable with either.

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I would be asking the child why. He is 5 not 15 and I would be encouraging a relationship with his grandma if she hasn’t done anything wrong. Seems to me he just doesn’t want to see her because she doesn’t have toys which is a simple fix, either let him take some of his toys there or ask her to buy some age appropriate ones for him.

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When you respect your children’s choices in life, they respond to that. If he doesn’t want to go, don’t make him. Simple as that

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When a child tells you they feel uncomfortable around an adult… Listen to them. Never force a child to be around people they don’t feel comfortable with

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I would reconsider this because is his grandma and she may not be with you all the time and what do you do to encourage the relationship with your mother and son? Try considering that if it’s because it’s boring then maybe let him bring a game he likes and can only play at grandmas! She will be gone one day and you will regret not having your child make a relationship with him!

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5 or not his feelings are valid, respect them. In time he may want a relationship with some of the people in your family who you don’t get along with, you must respect that too. Keep him sharing his feelings freely and always guide him to trust his instincts.

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Don’t make him go. I don’t care if my daughter is 5 or 16 if she says she doesn’t want to be around someone she doesn’t have to be. If she changes her mind later on cool if not oh well.

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I’d let him decide… I have a 3 year old and I ask him if he wants to go places with family or to their house. I let him make the decision. He is very smart and knows what he wants to do. Some may think I’m crazy letting a 3 year decide. To each their own

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You make it seem like he doesn’t wanna go simply bc he rather play with toys and other kids. Not bc he has a reason to not like his grandmother. Its not like he is a teenager and can really make thought out choices like that. How about taking him over there with some of his toys he likes? Wouldn’t that solve the issue? I’d encourage the relationship if she never did anything bad to your son.

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It is fine not to make him go. I would however casually in a conversation find out why. I would be honest with my mom as well.

I agree with figuring out the reason why he doesn’t want to go. Being uncomfortable around someone certainly is something that should be validated. However, if he doesn’t want to go simply because its not “fun”, taking toys or games with him to her house could solve that. Also, from a therapists point of view, allowing a child to not partake in things they don’t find “exciting” all the time, gives rhe child too much power and teaches them that if they don’t want to do something/go somewhere they won’t ever be made to do so ( doctors appointments, work etc). Allowing a child to dictate everything and everyone they do/don’t want to be around could create a problem. I would try to get to the bottom of the reasoning behind his unwillingness to go and then go from there.

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I wouldn’t make him go. I hated going to my step grandmothers house because she always used to start arguments with my parents ot just be mean

Respect his choice not to go. Doing so, you’re teaching him his feelings matter and that’s more important right now than your mom feeling snubbed because her grandson said no.
You can ask why, maybe offer solutions, but ultimately respect his feelings and choices.

I would ask him WHY… did something happen?.. I believe a parent needs to be the parent and children don’t run the house hold…

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I personally have experience with this from my childhood. I was around your son’s age when my grandma told me that I wasn’t her granddaughter (she suffered from dementia and Alzheimer’s) I decided that I didn’t want to go back and my mom “respected” my decision as a young child. A few months later my grandma passed away. I have resentment toward my mother for leaving such a big decision up to such a small person. I missed out on valuable time with my grandma because my mother thought I was capable of making that decision. I personally would explain to him the value of family since you say that your family isn’t close already and if possible when he visits then you just stay with them until he is comfortable.

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I was the same with my kids and I didn’t see a difference really until graduation when my kids didn’t feel comfortable inviting all the family because they felt like they were begging and that made me sad we have a big family and I took the closeness for granted and resented being shoved together and having to share birthdays with cousins but I am a little sad that my kids don’t have that closeness

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Sorry as a grandmother I would simply die if my grandchild doesn’t want to see me. My children are however close to me and my husband… Sounds like there is some under lying issues between the mother and grandmother. She tries to justify it with the other grandchildren comment. Fix your issues because sometimes those vibes could be contributing to the other issue.

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