Son( who still lives at home ) may have gotten a girl pregnant he barley knows and that I have never met. He’s 21, and she is 18 … I know they are adults I have no plans on finically supporting them … and husband and I don’t feel it’s ok for them to get married or to live with us unmarried. I don’t want to turn my back on him either how do I help him but make him understand this is his consequences for his actions?
A baby is a consequence? Weird… I thought babies were blessings
A baby is not a consequence. Do not make that kid feel like it is or he will want nothing to do with his baby. It is a responsibility that was unexpected but should be loved because its life and it happens. Give them advice and help them figure it out. Stay out of it as far as if they want to keep it, abort or adopt. Its not your choice and you will make shit worse. Do not shame him either. He is 21. GROWIN. just help him understand what he needs to do to support another living being.
Everyone has to start at some age. Learning is the only way to make it through it.
So you dont want to support him either way it seems. Weird.
Well you have already answered your own question. You don’t plan to help them because you don’t want them to get married but you don’t want them unmarried in your home. I was a young mom and my parents kicked me out. It created a lot of hard feelings and took a long time to repair our relationship.
I wish all parents were like you, so kind.
Pretty sure a kid will show him the consequences. Right now you need to be straightforward with both of them as a team and talk about their options. Not your beliefs. Their options. Whatever they decide to do will pave the road for their future. Be a parent and be there for your kid and for gods sake don’t let a grandchild suffer because you want to teach your child a lesson.
You don’t think they should get married or live with you unmarried… and you don’t want to support them. Sooo, you’ve already answered your own questions.
If the girlfriend chooses to continue the pregnancy or keep the baby I guess they’re on their own.
You’ve given the kid no chance. You don’t want him to get married, but he can’t live with you unless he is?
You set an impossible resolution.
And this is why I hated my mother in law. And also why I never left my son with her. Wanna relationship with your grandchild? Don’t think of them as kids. They’re adults and parents now. Get over it and be there for them. Or don’t be there at all and let them do their own thing.
Wow everyone is super judgy here. Make him get a job if he doesn’t currently have one, and make him financially support that child. If he can be responsible then he should get a place of his own and continue that responsibility. Then you are not financially responsible and they do not live with you unmarried, but will still be having him own his actions and learn how to be an adult. And at that point they can choose to live together or separate.
You’ve left no supportive answers. You don’t want them to get married. You don’t want them to live with you unmarried. He’s 21 so he should be able to take care of a child he created. A baby isn’t a consequence either, so if that’s how you feel he may be better off leaving you completely out of the picture.
Seeing such unsupportive parents always makes me so grateful for my parents who would literally drop everything for me, even now and I’m 26 with 3 kids.
It also reminds me that I never want to be like that. My boys can always count on me, no matter what.
Well first thing I would do if you are going to do anything to help him is to get him to talk to an attorney so he knows his rights and responsibilities in the state y’all live in. I’d meet the girl and her parents, find out who they are and what her decision and plans are. Hopefully he has some kind of plans for his future, if not he might want to consider making some. Also maybe talk to him about wrapping it up?
They don’t have to live together- or even be a couple if she decides to keep the baby, they can be friendly and co-parent. Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to see your grandchild?
I was kicked out when I was 17 and things have never been the same since. I wasnt even pregnant! I had my first when I was 2wks away from turning 20.
He is 21. Time for him to grow up and if she is pregnant he needs to step up, get a job which allows him to support himself and his child…
Get over the unmarried thing and support your son. This isn’t 1940. Jesus. Or just get out of his way with your judgy self.
Hes 21. Not a damn thing ! Not your choice it is his!
First be there be happy for him even if he’s not sure he is. SUPPORT SUPPORT SUPPORT! Emotional support and even a little financial support congratulations to you all. Everyone needs a little help sometimes even adults
It’s your grand baby and once he or she is born if you want to be apart of their life you need to make sure you take that into consideration. What’s done is done. Your son will learn his lesson and have to grow up quickly once the baby is born. Be supportive.
You don’t have to support them. They’re adults. Have your son and the girl work it out themselves while out of the house