My son purposely has accidents: Advice?

My S/O and I have four kids, one boy, and three girls. Our boy is the oldest at seven, and the girl’s age down to the youngest being 2. They are all potty trained throughout the day and even during the night, EXCEPT for our seven-year-old boy. He has an accident (either pee or poop) nearly every day (during the day) and pees the bed nearly every night. For quite a while, we were just putting pull-ups on him at night because it was just easier and figured he would grow out of it…well, apparently, that’s not the case, and honestly, not even what I’m really wondering and worried about. He is now 7-1/2, and either poops in his underwear or pees in his underwear on a daily basis. He says that he didn’t want to miss out on what he was doing when he does it every time. We have tried taking things away and having to earn them back, tried taking away the next fun thing we do away from him, tried making him spend time in his room without any toys, and many more. I am asking for anyone that has any ideas or suggestions to give them to me! We are at a loss at what to do or try next. Any help is appreciated! Thanks


Have you talked to his doctor about it?


Is he being sexually abused? Or is that a possibility?


Talk to Dr.but also let him clean up his own accidents


Do. Not. Punish. Him. For. Accidents. He may not have the mental capability to understand completely yet. It sounds like he may an underlying health condition.


I would talk to a urologist and get him checked out. My son was having the same problems. We found out that he has a small bladder and cant hold as much pee. Also if he is constipated at all(even tho he is pooping he could still be a little backed up). We have been doing colon clean outs every so often. Have him on a stool softener. He has gradually gotten better and we have had many dry nights and no accidents during the day. Good luck!

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My son at 6 does similar things, only pees tho. Basicly gets so engrossed in what’s going on he pushes it to last second and then boom accident runing to the bathroom. To break his habit I basicly watch for him doing his subtle signs… grabbing himself, crossing his legs, rocking, things like that. I ask him and remind him and explain everything will still be there when he gets back. At first it never worked. I basicly then would make potty breaks mandatory every 1 or 2 hrs until he started listening to his body. Of course didn’t last long and so after that when he had his accidents made him wash his clothes by hand before they went in my machine so he realized how much extra work it was. He pushes it here and there now but I just remind him about washing his clothes himself by hand and or going back to potty breaks and he gets right to it. Reassuring him everything was going to still be there when he got back really helped him work through it in the end. My sons just very stubborn and unless if alters his time frame won’t do anything about it hence why I made it very inconvenient for him :sweat_smile:


Could be overactive bladder. See a urologist

I did this when I was about that age. It wasnt intentional. I just literally could not feel that I needed to go. Not until my bladder was FULL and i needed to go right then.
I still dont know I need to go until my bladder is full. If I dont think about when the last time I’ve used the bathroom, I easily go 12-18 hours without going.
I’ve been to a urologist. He did some scan and did a scope into my bladder. Couldnt find anything wrong :woman_shrugging:

My daughter is 4. She is fully potty trained. I talked to her doctor about peeing the bed. She has a small bladder. Said she won’t grow out of it till like 8 or so. Took her to get bladder size make sure her kidneys are good etc only thing was a small bladder. He might have health problems. We do not punish a accident. She wears pullups and a plastic sheet on her bed. I hope you talk to his doctor.


I went through a similar situation with my step daughter. She had experienced something sexual apparently. Took her to counseling. She also would randomly go to the bathroom and didnt want to miss anything. We talked to her and told her shes getting to be a big girl now. And gave rewards for going to the bathroom. The thing with at night is make sure to make him go potty before bed

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Have him start taking part in cleaning up his mess after he does it on purpose. That tends to help.

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Stop punishing your child over bodily functions first & foremost.

Second make 100% SURE he is not being bullied or abused by someone at school or aftercare or babysitter.

Third, consult a Dr to rule out any medical conditions! You owe him that.

Fourth give the child his pull ups back until he no longer needs them.

Fifth LOVE your child thru his issue. Make it you & his “secret” & promise him you will protect him & guide him thru this until he’s ready to be on the other side of this issue.


My son is same age he was potties trained then started having accidents again around 5 I would get onto him take things away etc finally talked to doctor my soon has gone poop daily but somehow he is still completely backed up as an x-ray showed and they are trying to figure out what’s going on we did a cleanse a few times still his body won’t completely empty causing pee and poop accidents definitely recommend asking your doctor

Brittany Brownie Skane

First, stop punishing him. Then get him checked out and talk to him. My 4yo was the same way. He doesn’t do it much anymore now. I remind him to go to the bathroom. Only thing with him is wiping🤦🏽‍♀️ but he has slowly started to wipe at least. Next will be remembering to wash his hands. Lol

He is only 7. My 7yo occasionally pees on himself a little bit, usually when waking up.

Do not punish him! It will not help. You may have to remind him and talk to him about going to the bathroom when he needs to go.


Some children have psychological problems which causes them not to wake up to pee.

I would talk to the doctor but first, I’d make him start cleaning it up. Do not clean it up out of frustration. Don’t freak out on him. Just make him dump the poo in the toilet, wipe his own butt, change his clothes, and put his soiled clothes in the washer. Be consistent with it. Do not do it for him.


My son was a nightmare to potty train. Finally got dry underwear at 8 at night. Day was 7. He had a small bladder. His doctor told me to ask him every 20 minutes to go potty. Even if he said he didn’t have to. He sat on potty for 3 minutes and got to get up. If he pooped or peed his pants directly after he had to wear pull ups. This was a major thing in our house because hulk would not come back out of the dresser until the next day. He hated diapers/pull ups. If your son likes pull ups more than underwear take them away. But schedule and doctor advice. Oh and don’t forget rewards. We did m&ms. 1 pee 2 poop and 5 for both but only in potty. If we went a whole day with no accidents we got a sticker after 7 stickers he got to choose a special treat. His go to was ice cream after dinner. O and liquids cut off at 5. Bed was 8. It takes Boys a little longer to fully get the hang of it. Start with doctor and set timers.

Pls look up encopresis. Def. talk with dr. ASAP. Don’t wait . The longer this goes on the harder it is to reverse. This happened to my daughter and she lost the feeling of knowing when to go. There’s a lot to it. diet changes you may need to enforce, constant bathroom reminders, cleanses, Feel free to msg me if you need to chat. Whatever you do, don’t punish him. I did that for the longest and it made it worse. I didn’t understand then, I thought it was laziness, but now I do and things aren’t perfect but they are so so much better. Hang in there . This is more common then you think.