My son takes a while to warm up to people but my mother in law grabs him anyways: Advice?

My son is 2, and shy around those he doesn’t know. My mother-in-law is someone who picks and chooses when it’s convenient for her to see him. (Which is never) we see my husband’s family for birthdays and holidays, that’s it. (Side note my in-laws have six other grandchildren who are all older now and doesn’t have a relationship with any of them) When we do see them, it takes a while for my son to warm up, but my mother in law basically comes right up to him, totally ignoring me, and grabs him. She’s done it since he’s a baby and he would cry. Now he’s at the age where he just says, “mommy!” And wants me to just be with him. He also has all of the other kids who just all run up and want to see him. Eventually, he warms up, but it just takes a while. How can I go about this? I’ve said to give him time etc, but she just doesn’t care and blames me for him wanting to be with me. I have extreme anxiety every time I go there anyway because of other things, but this just adds to it.

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Just tell her to stop. Its ur baby ur choice

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I always removed my kids from situations they didn’t like, even with relatives. They need to know they can trust you to keep them safe, especially at that young age. I would tell her that maybe if she saw them more often, he wouldn’t be shy around her. Put it on her.

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If you show your anxious your son will pick up on it. Honestly, I don’t see the big deal, when starts get nervous just show him your calm and reassure him it’s ok

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I always feel like, go ahead and try to make my kids comfortable w you. Their reaction will be a turnoff and eventually they won’t try anymore. Oh well, should be more involved and they wouldn’t react like that.

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My 2 year old is the same. When we walk inside places I make sure I’m holding her and if someone tries to take her I turn my body away from them basically blocking my daughter and ask her if she wants to go to them, if she says no I tell whoever it is to give her some time and we can try again later. I never make her go with them or let them physically remove her from my arms. They get mad and blame me but I don’t care. My kids, my rules.

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They need to respect you and your sons wishes. My son is all about me, if someone try’s to take him and he clings to me - that’s it. He doesn’t want you. Period. Leave him alone. :woman_shrugging:t3: if you’re unwilling to do so, then you won’t be around as you dont care if your making him uncomfortable.

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My daughters almost two and shes the same way, I hold my baby and I dont give her up till shes comfortable.
Sometimes I lie and say “oh she just waking up” because people understand that better than “shes shy leave her alone” which is annoying but whatever works.

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Yeah, I’d be stopping that.
If lil man has any tendencies towards social anxiety with new situations or rare ones, her behavior can exacerbate them.
You simply hold his hand or hold him and say, “When he’s ready, he’ll hug you, maybe.”
You’re the advocate momma, it’s ok to step in and tell her how it is.

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I agree with others, put it on her that he just doesn’t know her that well. It’s her fault, grandparents can suck these days!!

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Grab him and don’t let him ago until he’s ready. Remind her he doesn’t know her and that’s HER fault not yours.
My eldest would throw fits when someone picked her up and she didn’t want it and I would grab her from them because she needed to feel secure in order to calm down. If anyone got offended that’s not my problem. My job is to tend to my child not anyone else’s feelings and entitlement.

Don’t take him there or set boundaries with her. Step in front of your son if need be.

Kids depend on us to speak for them and make then feel safe. My 2 yr old is the same way. He warms up quickly but doesn’t like people touching him. If you ask for a hug or kiss and he says no, it means no. I won’t make him do something he doesn’t want even w family. If someone hugs him and he says “let go” and they don’t I remove him and say he said let go. If you don’t respect his body and wishes then you don’t get to be close to him. I don’t apologize for teaching my kids body autonomy.

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Relatives seems to think they have automatic rights to a child just because its their family :woman_facepalming:t3: if they don’t see them regularly then it’s common sense to let the child come to them :tipping_hand_woman:t3: Me I just intervene and tell them to leave her for a minute x

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Forced affection. It’s not okay no matter what she is to you or your child. Mine are like that too, but once someone plays with them or spends time with them, they adjust to them and allow others to pick them up or to hug them. I never allow anyone to mess with my kids if they don’t want to go to them.

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I baby carry until my 20 month old is comfortable and confident enough to go down and socialise… stops people grabbing too… my LO had the same issue and now just screams when we enter my in-laws house because of the ‘grabby’ behaviour. They don’t do it any more… we also have to have them round here because she is traumtised by their house and I am not having her upset every week… sometimes you just have to put your foot down!

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I think it’s crazy when people are pushy like this, especially if they have their own kids, because a lot of kids have anxiety from strangers and attach to mom in group settings. So why would you charge into a room and pick up a kid you see twice a year…? You know it’s gonna be terrifying, the kid thinks worst case scenario and you’re just gonna keep going out the room, out the house :sob: it’s scary for them to be moved from mom. I always place myself between my kids and the charge :joy: I have 4 so I can’t hold them all but I can block. Shoulder check you back to the couch if you step up :joy: :joy:

What does your husband say during these situations? Does he back you up when you tell his mother to give him some time? Or does he just let it happen. I’m assuming he’s there with you when you go visit. Maybe a talk with her from your husband can get the point across.

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Since she chooses not to have a relationship she does not get to force one just because she is in your child’s presence. I would talk to your husband about appropriate touching of your child when he is uncomfortable. He needs to stand with you by allowing your child to have time to warm up to the situation.

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My babies would lunge out of the arms of people they didn’t care for! I mean throw themselves out of their arms! I’d be there to catch the kid. Just yank him out of their arms! He’s your kid.

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