My spouse comes home to play video games: Advice?

So I just wanted to vent; I may be in the right, or I might be wrong. Am I unfair to asked from my husband for quality time? He works full time and has the weekends off. He gets off in the afternoon and comes home at around 5 pm. He gets home and straight to playing games. I only work on the weekends, but I go to school Monday and Wednesday. I do also have online classes and weekly assignments that I have to do. We also have a 4yr old daughter, and I have to make 3 meals a day to feed her and give her snacks. I also have chores every other day. I don't really have any friends; we are the complete opposite; he's the only one I messaged a lot. He gets mad if I messaged him before and coming home from work. I only wanted to know what's happening. He basically told me we don't have to talk all the time; we don't have to spend time all the time. But I mean, he plays his games every day. He doesn't have to clean or anything; he doesn't really cook. He barely takes care of his own daughter, and whenever we talk bout our jobs. He keeps saying he works more than me because he works full time and makes more money. I am feeling low like he's belittling me just because I don't work full time, just because I only go to school 2 days a week. I understand he wants to relieve hes stress from work and have fun. But.. I don't know; I get hurt whenever he says that i feel like i only have to do is clean, take care of our daughter and him and not say anything else. Go ahead and let me hear your opinions. Thank you.
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Have you ever tried playing video games with him? I’m also wondering if he really is just thinking he pays for the house so the other half of having a home is taking care of it. I got in a rut feeling like I’m doing it all and we both work. I had to start asking for specifics (please take out trash if you leave take a kid please switch laundry etc) because he doesn’t know how to help and thinks i got it so he doesn’t. I had to start joining in on his “fun” things or we would have no time together

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My man does this shit. It pisses me off. And I dont mind getting in his face about it. No point in being with someone if they dont put the time into you. And who cares who makes more? Stfu with that! That’s so childish

My fiancé loves video games too. I told him when he gets home from work parenting is 50/50. He only plays games than can be paused when our daughter is awake. When she’s napping or after bedtime he can play whatever online games he wants. If she wakes up while he’s playing a non-pauseable game, i get her while he finishes the round. Then he switches games or gets off all together. He knows if he puts video games first I would throw his whole gaming setup (computer, 2 screens, mouse, and keyboard) out into the driveway

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Sounds like hes using you to take care of his kid and make him meals, clean up after him, and pamper his baby ass. If he isnt interested in YALL anymore, I’d Express that and then leave if it continues after and he shows no effort.

That is sad . Stop cooking for him ,doing his laundry , leave when he gets home to care for the child . let see what you do , by having to do it for himself and just maybe it might be a eye opener for him to what all you do for him .

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This is more than him just playing video games. Hes more like a room mate than a partner. I would be straight forward with him. Tell him you need more or leave because he wont change. He likes it the way it is.

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Well that’s called gaslighting and emotional abuse, which is unacceptable. No. You’re not asking for too much. As a matter of fact, you’re not asking for enough, and the fact that, yes, he feels like he can belittle you for asking for attention, which you shouldn’t have to ask for…is not okay. Basically, you’re a single parent and a single woman, and he is a parasite. If things don’t change, you’ll do more hard to yourself and your baby girl if you stay. Speaking from experience.

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Gamers…:confounded: dating a gamer guy is hard. I know that from experience. Almost same situation, but for my guy is as long as he does his chores I am good. Wasn’t always easy with attention. We would always argue about it and things would get frustrating. It took a lot of frustration, anger, persuasion, and sadness to get what is needed. I couldn’t get him to stop completely, but we compromised. Psychology too much screen time and gaming can alter the mind. When u take that away than u trigger them. You may not be able to change or stop his gaming but you have to put your foot down and tell him straight out what you really need. Be stern and solid. They act like kids when it comes to games. Don’t blame yourself if he isn’t giving you the attention. It is not your fault. You are being responsible and trying to excel. While he may not have the same mindset. Try to find another hobby or make friends. I am sure when u do u, and he sees how independent u are than he will come around. GL Be strong #womenpower

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I was on the same boat except he was belittling me as well as verbally abusing me in front of our daughter. It took me leaving him for him to realize how bad he had messed up. We have a 20 month old. After sleeping at my parents for a week he is now apologizing to me and showing appreciation. But I won’t get back into a relationship with him til after we both do a lot of therapy as he is a narcissist and I need time to heal from him and past relationships. Now 2 weeks after I left he is communicating with me and has not raised his voice at me. I know it could be just a show to get me back under his control but he has actually done research on narcissism and gaslighting as well as reactive abuse. He has admitted to it all and agreed to seek help.

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My husband is also a video gamer. We have set days where he can come home and do what he wants but the other days are mine. He also can not ignore the kids while he plays or that ends it for the day. Kids come first he deserves his time but find a happy medium where he can have game days but days with you too and for the kids.

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He can take care of himself. I assume he is grown. You have a full time job, you just aren’t getting paid.

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Stop cleaning up after him and stop making him stuff to eat. :woman_shrugging:t4:

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Dtop whining, become more interesting, many would love to have a home and healthy children with a husband that comes home

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You definitely not asking for too much, my hubby works full time as do I and he does tattoos on the weekends, he gets home at 6pm, helps with our 18-month-old whilst I do the cooking. He cleans the kitchen afterward while I tend to her. Then once she’s asleep he plays his games and still makes time for me when I’m done putting our baby to bed so he definitely needs a wake up call, too many women being taken for granted.

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You work 24/7… how about you go out as soon as he gets in… like they have already said … and at the wk end… when u get in from work … go play a game and tell him he doesn’t work on the wk ends and in fact u work harder… dont let him treat u like a slave and don’t let him give u zero respect … u let it continue then ur part of the problem… demand the respect u deserve. Gd luck

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Better than him cheating :woman_shrugging:

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Playing video games everyday.I see a problem.Doesnt want to talk on phone? You are putting up with that.Hes also a father not to spend time with you or your daughter.There needs to be some changes.Wow reading this its disappointing and on top of it hes belittling you.IF not move on with your life.

Hubby works full-time…so do I. We are both managers in our jobs( his is a whole department, mine a store) and have 4 kids we manage… I do the kids in the morning ND get them to school before heading to work and he starts at 3am to finish before school pick up. I get dinner out in the morning so he can cook it in the arvo. When I get home we both sort the kids out then HE can do what ever the hell he wants… just leave ME alone unless I want to annoy him :grin:

No one “clocks out” at 5pm if there are things that need to be done. Padlock his power cords and give him his to do list. :joy:

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