My step daughter constantly thinks she has to be doing things with friends: Advice?

I’m a step-momma to an almost 15-year-old girl. I’ve been in her life since she was 6. We have a great relationship. And her dad and I have a great co-parenting relationship with her bio-mom and her step-dad. I think of her as my own and treat her as my own. I.E., she has the same rules/chores/discipline, etc. as my biological son. We are struggling with her and her finding some independence. She seems to think she always needs to be with friends or doing something with someone. She has told us that she doesn’t like to be alone or do things alone. We have an open policy about her social media, she only has Instagram, but we are allowed to do phone checks. She got in trouble with social media a while back, so that was the agreement between us four parents that we are allowed to do phone checks. I’ve seen a couple of messages where a few friends/people in her circle of friends have called her clingy/overbearing, and that she involves herself in the drama that doesn’t include her. For example, one friend got upset with her because the friend felt that she couldn’t even go to the restroom with my step-daughter having to always come with. Another was; that one of her very good friends liked a boy; the boy did not like her back. My step-daughter messaged the boy, demanding a reason why he didn’t like her friend and that her friend was an awesome girl, and he had no real “reason” not to like her. Another example was; 2 of her friends go into a fight, and my step-daughter messaged one of them, trying to be involved. The friend said it was between her and the other friend, and they were figuring it out and that my step-daughter needs to butt ours. My step-daughter then said, it is my business cause so-and-so is my close friend and I deserve to know why you’re mad at her, etc. One of her best friends told her she wanted a break from her because she felt my step-daughter was smothering her. She is in counseling, and I’m not sure if she’s mentioned anything to her counselor because I’m sure she doesn’t see anything wrong, she just sees her as trying to be a good friend. Which I totally understand. But, she has no independence and get’s very upset being by herself and when her friends don’t want to hang out for one day. She has no hobbies. We have tried different sports, different arts, photography, sewing, all sorts of things but then she gets bored because she says “she isn’t good at it,” but she doesn’t ever give it a time or ask us for help, and when we try to get involved, they want isn’t there. We have asked her numerous times what she likes and what she would like to give a try, and she just says “nothing.” I just want some advice on how to help her if I can. I love her very much, and we have a great step-mother/step-daughter relationship, better than a lot do. I just want some advice from other mommas. Sorry it’s so long and thank you all in advance


Your daughter sounds so much like me growing up. Look into borderline personality disorder. If you think it fits her then I would get her a psychiatrist. I wish my family caught it when I was her age.


Sounds like me at 15 :woman_shrugging:t3:

The divorce/separation of her parents when she was younger and various things growing up could contribute. To me it sounds like she feels left out and trying to keep herself involved. I agree with borderline personality disorder but they won’t be able o diagnose until 18. Great tht she’s in therapy though !!

Uhm…shes a teenager.


In all honesty there isn’t much you can do. She is 15 and will learn the hard way that not everyone tolerates that behavior and by the sounds of it her friends are very over it. Unfortunately you’re just going to have to let this ride out until she comes to her own sense that she can’t constantly be around people and that she has to be independent.


Sounds like she’s just figuring out who she is and where she fits in, as long as you’re supportive, not over bearing, I think she’ll be just fine. That age is sooo hard!!!


One of you, (parents)
need to speak with her councilor and tell her the concerns. Then the councilor will know what to talk about with her and how to help her better.


Sounds like my stepson. But his BM doesn’t give him the opportunity to do anything for himself. She always gives him an out. He is 17 next month and can’t even get through school because she keeps giving him distractions that are unnecessary. But, I would say, she needs some alone time. Seriously. If she is losing friends because she is too over-bearing, imagine what her other relationships are going to be like. Is she getting enough attention from her father?


Sounds like me when I was that age. But it also sounds like borderlines personality. She could just be trying to feel wanted more and when she says “nothing” to your questions as mentioned above, she probably has really low self esteem


Sounds like a 15 yr old teenage girl to me. Its all about the drama these days it seems lol. She just hasent found her fit yet. The more you push her the more she will push back. Maybe take her for a couple hours of volunteering somewhere that helps others or animals. Support her and try not control what she should and should not think or feel.


Sounds like me as a kid. Cheeck for separation anxiety and or boardline personality disorder…

It got worse for me before it got better. :heart::heart:best of luck


Sounds like a 15 year old girl. It’s pretty spot on for her developmental stage and the socialization is actually pretty important for her mental growth.


It sounds like normal teenage behavior to me. They all like to be stuck up each other’s asses at that age. & everything & everyone is chaotic & dramatic. It’ll pass around 18 lol

She’s a teenager and she’s acting like a teenager. This is what kids do.


It sounds to me like she wants to feel important and needed by her friends and at 15, it can come off as overbearing but she will eventually learn. She’s alright, dont stress too much :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: at that age they still have a ton of maturing to do.

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Sounds like she has some anxiety issues. Maybe try counseling

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A teen being a teen with maybe a touch of separation anxiety.

Following. My 13 yr old is the same way.
She does like doing tiedye though so at least we have that.

My sister the same way at that age and as an adult but I think talking to someone who can help her find independence counciling always good