My step daughter doesn't get along with my son: Advice?

I have a 9-year-old stepdaughter and a 3-year-old son. I married my husband when she was 2, and then we had our son when she was 5. Every other weekend that we get her, my son gets so excited to see her, but she’s just so indifferent to him. He will literally compliment her, tell her she’s beautiful, try to hug her, try to talk to her, try to play with her, and she could care less. It hurts my feelings. He gets frustrated too that she won’t pay him any attention. Very rarely do I see them playing nicely together. Yes, I know that siblings fight and all, but I thought things would be a little different because they don’t see each other every day, and there is a four year age gap. We’ve tried to explain to her that she’s the older sibling; therefore, she should set an example, but I don’t know if she wants to understand. Has anybody been in this situation?

15 Likes

I would say with having a split parenting more than likely she doesn’t see it the same way that you see it she is most likely jealous of the fact that your son is there 24/7 and enjoying it she is probably having some type of emotional detachment from being split between parents… I would potentially go somewhere with her where she enjoys and where she’s comfortable and ask her what emotions are feeling she’s having to drive her to act that way or to have those emotions or feelings towards him…

3 Likes

She is rebelling to see how far you parents will let it go on. The four of you need to talk and air ALL problems. Someone has a deep resentment towards someone. If need be you might need a professional. This is opinlon

Being a product of a broken home myself as a kid, it is so hard and even hurtful to imagine in your own mind that another child has a closer connection to your own daddy than you do. It’s so very hard to understand at 9 years old. I mean think about it. She only sees her dad on the weekends, and even though the other child is her own brother it doesn’t take away the pain, resentment, and jealousy. Does your husband get to talk to her and maybe once and awhile get to do one on one daddy daughter time together, just to make her feel special, like she does count in his eyes because to her right now that may be all she really needs to feel. Girls are a bit more sensitive also.

1 Like

It sounds like another parent may be causing this. Been there and done that.

4 Likes

Read up on ideas just be patient dont force it you will start to see a difference

This isn’t a half sibling issue, this is a 9 year old issue. What you see as him being a sweet adorable loving little brother she sees as super annoying and probably pestering. With their age gap and the fact that she’s a girl and he’s a boy they don’t share common interests and she is probably getting a bit old for “playing” the games he would be interested in but for you to take it personally is only going to lead to your own resentment of her and a divide in your family. I’m 6 years older than my brother and while I loved him and was protective of him I didn’t want to hang out with him.

11 Likes

I have a now 21 yr old step daughter and an 8 yr old son. I also have a 20 yr old daughter from a previous relationship. The 21 yr old stopped coming over to see us when our son was born. We’ve seen her maybe 5 times since then . Sometimes there isnt anything you can do. Also it may be the step kids bio Mom causing problems. That was what happened to us. I have to remind my son that he has 2 sisters and not just 1. Its sad.

3 Likes

Well my Sister has always resented me bx I ruined her world. She feels her life would be better without me around. Some siblings are just like that. My parents tries talking with her but she wasn’t having it. I will pray for more unity and maybe show her more love. It’s so crazy!

2 Likes

There is an age gap that’s going to happen. Plan fun events for them to do together . And when home have them read together that is some bonding time.

Also she may be going through some stuff as far as she not with her dad but her little brother is . Communicate with her and show her she’s always just as important

My son and his halfbrother are 9 years and he still can’t stand him but is nicer to him than when he was younger…but my son is close to his half siblings I have… I will say this my son was jealous that his half brother and three step Brothers got to live with his dad and he didn’t so it could be something deeper :woman_shrugging:

I have a 14 year old step son. A 13 year year old daughter and an 11 year old. When my step son comes over which is very rare… not seen him in nearly 2 years. He will hang out with my daughter but has nothing to do with my son. When they all forat met my son was clingy and wouldnt leave him alone. This was too much for my step son… he wanted to chill but couldnt.
I think your step child is just behaving like any other child. I wouldnt force it as you may push them away. Just let it be and play family games together. Have fun as a family and dont dwell too much on their relationship… if it happens it happens xxx

I have 4 children and they are all almost 5 years apart. I have never had an issue with the age difference. I can see where it would hurt his feelings. Most big sisters love being big sisters. Maybe not all of them apparently. I also have a step daughter that is 11 she thinks she is grown… she has been exposed to a lot of adult convos and such with her mom… she has no interest in playing with my 10 and 6 year old and that’s fine but it also makes my daughters feel bad. I just explain to my daughters that not everyone likes to do the same things. We only see her every other week now.

Me and my brother are 5 years apart and he annoyed the shit out of me when I was 9. I dont think this is a half sibling thing
… ounce my brother turned like 18 and I was 23 it got better but we didnt pay a lot of attention to each other growing up. She’s also probably too old to play what he wants to play…I didnt even like Disneyland at 9. I thought it was boring

2 Likes

If she is the only child on the weekends that she isn’t with y’all, maybe she doesn’t know how to fully embrace a sibling. It will take time, but in would see about having her spend more time with yall (perhaps extended holidays or summers) so that way she might develop a relationship with her little brother.

Your step daughter is 9 and your son is 3. That’s a large gap. She may feel she has nothing in common. Their 6 years apart. As long as she is not being mean, I believe it’s normal for a girl that’s 9 to not want to play with a 3 year old little brother. I would not take it personal.

8 Likes

My brother and sister are both way younger then me I’m the oldest of 3 shes 9 she isn’t going to want to play with a 3 year old me and my siblings never really got along until they were older and we could do more then things together she might also feel some resentment because at one time she was an only child and now shes not in the end she will come around and she might also feel left out do yall spend as much time with her as yall do yalls son I remember being 9 and not wanting to have anything to do with my siblings my sister more then anything honestly I’d just sit her down just yall and her and talk to her ask her how she feels and see if there’s something yall can do help her out and also do things that both of them will like

Been thru that!! I had 2 boys, my husband had a boy and a girl! All close in age!! His little girl was the girl I never had, then comes along our little girl!! Same issues, even as an infant. I had to make sure when they were with us that I took time and spent it just with her!!! Maybe if you each took her somewhere or did something just with her, it would make a difference!! All kids need their special time!! We have always made sure ours had it. 10 years later, she’s 21 and our littlest is 10 and they are inseparable. I know they are both girls, but the boys have a very special bond now as well!!! It takes a LOT of time!!! :heart:

1 Like

Just a kid thing I would say. My older girls don’t want to play with my 4 year old because he messes up things they try to do. Even my 7 year old.gets upset with him and him and her a full siblings. I would definitely say normal. She probably isn’t trying to be mean just wants to do her own thing as she is at the age of.more independence and not wanting to bothered by the younger age and less maturity.

3 Likes