My step daughter is doing things in front of my daughter I do not want her to: Advice?

My stepdaughter that lives with her mother far away only comes to see us every few months because of the distance. Well, she is almost eight years old. She has been here for the holidays. To get to the point. She has been touching her privates and doing it in front of my daughter, which is only 3. She says a friend taught her to do this as a game; she told us who it is a little girl that did she says. And now she is doing this, and now my three-year-old is starting to copy her. How do I control this? Is it normal for her to be doing this? We caught her FOUR times yesterday in a matter of a couple of hours doing this. We are punishing her because she has continued not to listen when we tell her not to do it in front of her sister, and it is going nowhere. We are concerned as to why she is truly doing this. Any advice helps. Thanks

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VERY age appropriate behaviour!
I tell my sons that its fine and okay. BUT its to be done when you are by yourself in your room. Its a private thing, not a bad thing.
I found keeping my directions simple and honest worked best.

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Um you should be less concerned who she is doing this in front of and more concerned she is doing this. And that someone taught her. You need to have a talk with her and her mom.

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It’s actually alot more normal then you think. She is figuring out her body. You should sit down amd explain to her that it’s not okay to touch that area in front of people. And that she shouldn’t be touching down there unless she is cleaning her self or wiping her butt. But also tell her that no one is to touch her there and she isn’t to touch any one else there.

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My son sees a counselor a similar subject came up. Our counselor says it is absolutely normal. I she would completely advise against punishment.

Have a conversation about boundaries. Look for some YouTube videos

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We caught my step son who’s close to her age. We told him if he wants to do that to go in the bathroom and lock the door or only when hes alone. NEVER in front of his brother. But it sounds like you guys should have the good touch bad touch talk with her ASAP.

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The fact that she said a friend taught her to do this is a major red flag for abuse. I would not leave in a room with your daughter unsupervised especially because it could lead to something else. Take her to the doctor and tell them you are concerned about her being abused. They have special techniques and interviewing skills that can draw information out kids then do from there

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Age appropriate from natural curiosity, yes. Being taught it as a game from a friend - GIANT RED FLAG! Nobody should be teaching the other child to touch herself as a game! That is VERY worrisome for her friend. Talk to mom, find out which friend, and have someone (authority type) check on the friend.

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She might be doing it to get your attention.

It’s totally normal for kids her age to do that. I’d have her parents look into who showed her and who’s she’s doing in front of just to be safe. And teach her not to do that infront of people

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It is normal…BUT a preoccupation with it is not. It is also unusual that she is talking about a friend “teaching” her. I wouldn’t leave her alone with your younger daughter at all. If you see her do it, don’t react strong just say in a very benign way “you need to do that in private” If there is any attention seeking element she won’t care if it’s positive or negative. Give her lots of positive attention for other things. I think it is worth discussing with her mum.

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I think it’s wrong u are punishing her for something that is natural. Even if it’s wrong she is doing it where the 3 year old can see. Body discovery is natural at her age. She just needs to be properly taught about her body

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My 3 year old has started doing the same thing all on her own. I see her and ask her what she is doing and she looks embarrassed and says its itchy. Which i know its just an excuse. So i tell her we dont touch our areas in front of anyone. We do that in the bathroom where no one is watching. I havent seen her exploring in awhile so i think it worked.

The only concern that i have with your step daughter is that she told you a friend taught her. Id suggest talking with her mom. Having her mom take her to the pediatrician and brining up a possible abuse situation so that she can be properly evaluated. Sometimes doctors can determine with just a few simple play scenarios. I only say to bring it to moms attention because you mentioned she is only with you guys every so often and i assume that means her mom handles all her medical and other things as well.

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This is not normal behaviour for an 8 year old. Curiousity to what it is I understand but that is not what she is doing. If she is constantly doing it all day and in front of her sister that is not normal. This needs to be dealt with ASAP as their may be something else going on. 8 year olds are not sexually active or in puberty etc so not normal at all

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My little one was doing this too
She has a skin disorder that mainly affects her little bottom areas
I thought this is what she was doing too before we went to see a urologist because she kept saying it hurts and it makes it not hurt as bad to do that
It ended up being a rare skin condition but the dr said a lot of kids her age do that too and it’s normal
The dr said to tell her if she needed to do that then to tell her to go in her own room and do that
It was an awkward conversation but the dr was very nice and reassured us that it’s a normal thing for boys and girls
But it is pretty weird that she is saying somebody taught her or her friend that’s weird
I hope the friend is ok :pleading_face:
I would try to find out who it is and y’all to their parents

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Who showed the other girl tho. She said doing that as a game. What if an adult told her that? I would be concerned about the other girl.

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I’ve always said if deals with your private area it’s for the bathroom or when alone in your bedroom

Maybe consider it as something may be going on at her moms… rather than punish her… she’s clearly being taught that it’s okay… so why would she think different?

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Normal. Dont make a huge deal out of it though. That can have consequences later on in life. Just sit her down one on one, and explain that that particular game should be done in private, hence it’s called private parts.

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Look up “purple private circle” and teach this to her. So she knows boundaries and for the time being do not leave her alone with your daughter nor any other child. You need to ask her very detailed questions about this “game” who taught her when and where. And as hard as it is going to be you need to tell her mom.

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