My step daughter stole: How should I handle this?

My * seven year old stepdaughter stole something (it was an unwrapped toy LOL, pet thingy that was intended for my youngest child’s birthday) from my house. I specifically and flat out told my stepkid not to touch it, but she took it and opened it. Her mother is furious, apparently, this has happened before - it seems as though I will be the one to deal with discipline (I home school my stepchildren, and I’m the main childcare provider in our family.) What the hell do I do? I am seriously more disappointed that she lied to her mother about it, but what would be the best way to see to it that she learns her lesson?


You can ask her mom and dad what they think would be suitable. But I think working to pay for the toy would be a start. She can do chores around the house to pay it off.


Get the cops involved, I’m not talking have her charged and arrested, but have an officer come talk to her about it and the REAL consequences if it continues. Most cops around here are glad to help out and usually it will scare them enough they wont want to risk it anymore


To me that’s something you and both parents should all decide together.


She gets to earn the money to buy the youngest one a new toy. but in order for that to really work she has to do the chores you give her money you have to take her to the store and she spends her money. She can’t just do chores and then you buy a toy she physically has to do it.
and also she doesn’t get to keep the toy that she stole you should probably have her take it to a donation place. There should never be a reward for something done wrong.


You’ve got to come up with a plan that suits all the parents involved. I grounded mine for this behavior and made them do extra chores around the house. I feel like there are programs for youth that have sticky fingers but I couldn’t find any or at least no one knew anything when I tried asking around. There has to be an underlying reason for it whether it be jealousy or whatnot. I harped about how we don’t steal or treat our family members like this because if we can’t trust our own family members who can we trust. It can be a phase. A terrible phase. Maybe look into some therapy as well. She can do chores to earn back the amount the toy was worth. While also being grounded from something that is liked until its paid off? Good luck.

I’ve seen people call the cops on their child. Seems to work. I’ve never had to go through that so I don’t know just yet but I wish y’all the best! I know that cannot be easy to go through at all!


When my son was about the same age he stole some quarters out of my purse, I made him call his grandma and grandpa and his uncle and tell them what he did. He was so embarrassed he never did it again.


Take something of hers.
To teach her a lesson.
And then have her do chores around the house to pay back for the toy she stole AND to work back the item you took from her.


When my son stole, he lost everything. He only had his bed and clothes. ABSOLUTELY no toys, tablets, games, never got to pick what was on TV. I told him if he feels he can take what doesn’t belong to him then he doesn’t get the privilege of having anything above necessities. It was hard for everyone but he has never stolen anything since. It was like a week with nothing then he got one toy back at a time after chores. He didn’t get to pick the toy he got back. I chose, sometimes it was something he wanted other times it was a book. He learned real fast to appreciate what he already has and not take what doesn’t belong to you!


Make her write an apology letter to her sister and to the adults involved and make sure she knows the seriousness of her actions.

Firstly, step parents shouldnt have the right to dicipline someone elses children & idgaf who disagrees. Secondly, dont you think maybe sitting down and speaking with the mother & father would be a little better than posting all over facebook for strangers to solve your case? This just seems petty, all kids TAKE things, its YOUR job to teach them that its stealing not just assume she is a blatent theif. I wouldnt know a child that hasnt taken something thats not theirs. I dont know what goes on in your house hold but if the mother is aware, let her deal with it.


You, her mom, & her dad need to sit down and come up with a punishment together - that way you know they are also on the same page as you are, and you are avoiding possible drama in the longrun if they don’t agree… However, I do believe (if all 3 agree) that making her do chores around the house to earn the money, then use that money to replace what she stole, would be good.

I understand she had talked to the mother. She is asking for ideas so she does it the best way to help the child. I have been the step parent and all discipline was left to me. The mother wasn’t involved as she should have been and the father wasn’t good as discipline. Having the child tell what they did seems to Embarrasse them enough that they don’t repeat, also working to buy to replace the item is a great idea. Good luck

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Dear lord, all the keyboard warriors are must be mind readers since they know you are making all these decisions yourself and not talking to either of her bio parents :joy: What is with this crap lately?!

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If she gets allowance make her buys replacement gift. Also ask police station to help you

She’s obviously needing some attention and support. Stop the idea of discipline and start thinking in terms of why. Why does she feel the need to act out, what can we do instead, how can we communicate our needs in a healthy way, etc.
the kid needs supported and loved through whatever is causing this, not punished for it. And since you, an adult, don’t even understand what’s going on you really shouldn’t expect a 7 year old to fully grasp the situation either.


When I was little and stole something, my parents made me go back and pay for it and apologize. It was a candy, or else I would have had to return it too. Start there, then serious talks about the consequences. Most kids do this, the action of her returning it/paying for it as well as confessing, is usually enough to scare them silly.

Let her dad do the disciplining. You will only breed contempt by doing it yourself.

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I’d get her to earn the money to buy a new one :woman_shrugging:t3: