My step-daughters bio mom tries to cut me out of her life: Advice?

I’ve been with my fiancé for five years and have been in his daughter’s life since she was 6 yrs old. She’s now 11. She has constantly tried to block me out of their daughter’s life in many ways. Their daughter has asked me to call me mom (I told her that is her mom’s position that I am not trying to take) I have been nothing but respectful. She just got a cell phone from her mom for her 11th birthday. She was texting me, sometimes saying, “have a good day at work, love you!” Suddenly I was blocked from her phone by her mom. It hurt my feelings being I provide for her as I do for my own and have a close relationship with her, but her mother hates it. Any advice on how I should handle my emotions? Is it not my place to have her number or respond when she texts me? Do I just ignore the fact that she is trying to push me out and deal with it?


Maybe have a sit down lunch with her and let her know that you respect her completely and would never go over her head and make decisions or try to take her place.


Your fiancé needs to handle it. That mom should be happy to have a great mom that watches over her daughter!


Her blocking you from the daughters phone is petty and dangerous. What if there is an emergency and she can’t reach her bio mom or dad? Your fiancé needs to have a talk with her. Bio mom needs to be a grown up and co-parent.


My boys never asked to call any of their fathers wive (s) Mom but I would have FLIPPED OUT. They have only one mom ( ME). There is nothing really you can do You are her dads girlfriend not even a step mother ( no matter how many years). If her mom bought the phone its her prerogative how the child gets to use it. Take a breath and do what you can but pretty much yes you have to abide by the moms rules Just be kind and do what you can with / for her while she visits her father.


I’m sure a lot of mothers will have something to say. But come from a mother and stepmother, I’ll give you my advice! Try talking with her, the mom. Call her (I would say ask to meet for lunch or something but, you know.) and just talk with her. Ask her why she feels they way she does. Talk with you SO. I know my husband would never let me treated that way. I have a fairly good relationship with my stepsons mom. Figure out the problem and talk about your concerns with you SO. See where that goes.


You have to put the child ahead of everthing else and put God first and you will win

My step son calls me moms. I’ve been dealing wirh similar situation with his mom since I’ve been in his life. (He was 5 months old and we’ve been together 2 years this Friday) I have to just ignore it. I say mention it to your fiancé and maybe he can speak to her. Or all 3 of y’all have a conversation. But if she’s acting like this then odds are she won’t listen to you so it’s best to just ignore her and tell your step daughter that you’ve been blocked on her phone and maybe have her speak to her mom about it

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I would absolutely try to have a heart to heart talk with your husband and her present.

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Yeah thats ridiculous. You have been apart of that childs life for years and you have every right to talk to her whenever you want. That would be rude to ingore her. I am so thankful that my childs mother and me get along. At first we didnt, but after some time she saw that I wasnt trying to take her place and that I loved her child like she was mine. I hope you guys can work it out. But Im thinking that she still has feelings for your fiance and thats probably why she acts this way.

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Watching. Exactly the same I deal with but has gotten better but using the Gray Rock method.

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That’s so sad. You’re a step parent & it seems like the little girl loves you alot. I’d talk to your fiance and have him confront the mother.

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I am in the SAME exact sistuation. Its a losing battle for u. Just keep loving and providing support for ur stepdaughter, and do right by her. Dont make ur mind toxic with thinking about it. Just love her!


The best thing you can do is continue to treat her as your own. Blood doesn’t make a family, love does. Continue being there for her and if she asks why you aren’t responding to her messages etc, be honest without bashing her biological mom. You should also talk to your fiance. He definitely shouldn’t be okay with that situation continuing. It will lead to problems between y’all in the long run.


Hopefully, the daughter is not trying to agitate her mom using you. In any event, I agree with the others. Talk with your fiance and consider having a sit down with the mom.

It’s crazy how some women act. If the child which is 11 feels like calling her mom then she must feel loved, protected, and secure with that person. Thank god because a lot of step parents do some awful things to children. And some children don’t have one mom, it’s a blessing two say she had two!!!

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Get her another phone! She can’t block her from that!! :wink::wink:

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I’m on both ends (birth mom and stepmom) and some birth moms can be so bitter it’s disgusting. I feel the more people who love my children, the better.

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Your fiancé needs to say something to make her stop. Poor little girl. She doesn’t understand nor was it her fault the decisions made that made this situation.