My step-daughters mom won't co-parent with us: What should I do?

Ladies, I don’t know how else to handle this situation. My stepdaughter’s birthday is this weekend, and we’ll be doing a birthday celebration. I have 2 stepdaughters - of which they tell us every year how they wish both of their parents can be included in their birthday celebrations rather than having two celebrations. It’s been five years since I’ve been with my fiancé. We have a blended family, two kids him, two kids mine, and together we have one child. My stepdaughter’s mother has been in a relationship also for five years and is now pregnant. So she’s obviously moved on and redid her life as so have we. I sent her an invitation earlier today about coming to her daughter’s birthday this weekend, and she just doesn’t want to be involved. She refuses to have a good co-parenting relationship with us. My stepdaughters are growing up with the image that their mother hates their father bc they’ve even said comments to us as if it’s a joke. My fiancé just brushes it off and only thinks of his girls, which is how it should be. I am completely about leaving egos and differences aside and putting what our children want/need first. I sent her a message this morning, hoping that she would have a change of heart, but it didn’t work. I just feel so bummed bc how a mother can be so hostile when it involves the happiness of their children? Here is the message I sent her: Hi A*** hope you’re doing well. This weekend we’ll be celebrating S*** birthday - she wants to do a Spa Birthday party so I’ll be coordinating everything this week so she can have a nice celebration with a few friends. I want to invite you and J**** to come to her birthday party. I know V**** mentioned before, and you’ve said no, but I’d still like to pass on an invitation to you since you are her mother. I know every year the girls always make a comment on how they wish they can have both of their parents at their celebration. If you can honestly find it in your heart and give her a surprise by coming, I am sure that is something she will remember forever. And this is what she wrote back: Appreciate it, but I am not sure in what another way I need to explain that it will remain as it is and has been. I also don’t need to find anything in my heart about this. Thanks. I didn’t even bother writing back bc it won’t end well, and I prefer to keep a little peace than having drama. Any advice is greatly appreciated.

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Respect her wishes that she doesn’t want to attend? I agree with the mother’s response.

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You just answered your own question.

You don’t do anything. Her mind is made up.

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Respect her wishes. Leave her alone lol she doesnt owe any of you anything and even if she does its up to her.

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If that is the way it has always been then why keep pushing the issue? Her mind is made up and as long as she isnt starting drama then why does it matter?

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Leave her alone :woman_shrugging:t2: the part where you mention you wanted to invite because she is the mother leaves a bad taste in my mouth, it sounds like you are doing so because you feel obligated and not because you want her there. I wont even start on the mini guilt trip.

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Unfortunately, she’s not interested in putting her children first, even for a few hours on their birthday. You’ve done everything you can, just make it extra special for your step-daughter. I’m sure they’ll remember this.

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Just be there for the kids

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my idea is snd a flower invite. congratulate the mom for the health of the child and ask her to attend the celebration if she don’t feel threatened and

You just have to leave it how it is. Maybe she will come around later, maybe not. The important part is the kids know you tried. That’s all that matters. I’d just send her an invitation to their birthdays every year, just to remind her she’s invited and to remind your kids that you never gave up trying.
It sucks for them I’m sure, but if you get into a verbal fight with her or talk bad about her, they will lose respect for you. Love your babies. They may not understand now, but one day they might.

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My ex and I have been separated for 6 years now. We do not have birthday parties together. We text back an forth over things. Are kids are important to both of us. As long as they can talk about everything else when it comes to the kids. Not sure a birthday party is a big deal.

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feels shes an important part. or comfortable like to hav

person for her company

the effort can change the heart,

I think as long as the kids know that you tried, then that’s all that really matters. I would just leave her alone. At least they will know that you aren’t the one who isn’t willing to celebrate with her. You seem like a good person so it’s hard when you really want to work together, but we can’t change people. Just be at peace with yourself knowing you did all that you can! You sound like a good mom/stepmom!

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You just gotta let it go. You tried that’s all you can do. She wants it the way it is then that’s just how it is. It’ll be ok. Your kids seem loved and well cared for and at the end of the day that’s all that matters. It can’t always be perfect but you did your best. Just have a nice celebration and don’t let this bother you. It’ll be ok.

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You did the best you could…put it to rest & in God’s hand…Be present for her as you always have♡ God Bless☆

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To all the people basically insinuating this woman asking for advice is stupid here is a question: DID YOU MISS THE PART WHERE THE KIDS WANT A SINGLE PARTY FOR THEIR BIRTHDAY!!! After you have kids your ego, your wants, your feelings SHOULD all be set aside and kids first, ALWAYS!!! But it seems to me the mother is more worried about being bitter and impossible, and in turn making her child miserable! :unamused: Kudos to you, OP for honestly giving an effort in making the children happy… One day they will see who really tried (you) and who couldn’t be bothered (bio mom)… 💁

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Leave it as is. There is nothing wrong with having parties together and there is nothing wrong with having 2. Lucky girls get 2 parties :partying_face::slight_smile: I’d be slightly offended about the 'find it in your heart ’ comment. Makes it sound like she is in the wrong, she is not!

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