My step-kids mom spoils them too much: Advice?

So I and my bf are a blended family. I have a bio son from another relationship, he has two from another relationship, and we are expecting our first together. Now first, let me say I am NOT downing these kids at all. I love my stepkids like they were my own and have always been close to them. Now that being said, their mother SPOILS them rotten. These kids do not ever get told no by her, they get whatever they want (mother admitted it, and kids say it all the time) we don’t do that, we discipline, but obviously, it makes it harder having two different parenting styles where she spoils and never says no, and we have rules. So his daughter is five and in kindergarten. (I learned she was never put in pre k) her mother has recently been informing us that she is struggling with school cause she doesn’t want to do it when she’s there or studies at home… And it’s clear her mother doesn’t make her since she doesn’t make them do anything they don’t want to do. I think its ridiculous since me and her father have tried so hard to help her when they are here, flashcards, educational sites, constant praise, and rewards when she does good and focuses. We try to help her whenever she is over here, but it seems her mother doesn’t want to do her part on her time. She has them the majority, of the time we only get them on weekends. And lately, the daughter has been getting mad at us because we try to make sure she studies, and we tell her she needs to even if she doesn’t want to. And I kid you not, her response to us about that (and pretty much anything we tell her) is, “my mommy doesn’t make me. I wanna go to mommies. She lets me do whatever I want”. Its frustrating cause now we have been told she might have to repeat kindergarten if she can’t catch up…we don’t know what to do. We have tried talking to the mother, and she just tells us not to tell her how to parent, and she will spoil them if she wants to. Apparently, even if it costs her child her education…


Well dhs will be in ur life as a result of mommy apply for full custody


She in kindergarten
Wtf are they sending home for home work
She’s 5 she should be playing and FYI jk sk is not mandatory


Not your house, not your problem. Dh needs to talk to the school and see what he can do to help her when she with you…You can’t force someone to parent like you or the way you see fit- unfortunately. She is FIVE- she is testing waters. P.S. school isn’t even mandatory at that age- so what if they “hold her back”- most states do not require attendance until 6. Edited :v:


Maybe have the father talk to the school counselor and also I really recommend all of you go to family counseling for a while, see if some compromise can be made and worst case scenario, it will all be documented by a therapist if the father needs to go to court if the mother’s actions are detrimental. Since you aren’t actually married and aren’t legally stepmom, there’s very little you can do. It’s all on the father’s shoulders to step up and be more proactive.


She is 5 years old and in kindergarten. She will be just fine. It’s not “costing her her education” at that age. Stop being so dramatic. Shes young. She will be just fine. Especially since kindergarten isn’t even mandatory until age 6… You need to butt out.


Girl! This is all I hear from my kids- I wanna go to dads they don’t have rules, we can eat a whole box of pop tarts before dinner. We don’t have a bed time… :rage:

For one shes 5 idk any 5 year old that will sit and do homework they cant sit very long to begin with. Also you cant make a child do something because it will just turn into a fight and meltdown. Make it fun and try different ways of doing it.


I learned that not every thing kids say is 100% true.


Sounds like her mother is just lazy


Technically, they aren’t your children and since you aren’t married legally aren’t your stepchildren either. That discipline you speak of has to come from there dad. Keep in mind that these kids might just be pulling your leg, too


Go to court and get custody. This will be every year this child will struggle her entire life with school.


I would suggest a family meeting with her teacher and her school counselor to help mom understand that it’s time to start some discipline and everyone needs to be on the same page.

1 Like

Sorry but they aren’t your step kids they’re your boyfriends kids. It’s nice you care but, that’s just the facts. That being said this is the struggle she’s being a dick. Maybe suggest parenting therapy.


Shes in kindergarten… Back off


Unfortunately you don’t have the right to control what happens in her home. It’s none of your business. Keep the structure at your house, set your rules, and stick to them. Try not to get offended by me saying that I don’t mean it in a harsh or mean way. Simply put you can’t control how someone else runs their household.


That’s not spoiling that’s not caring to parent…


I get your frustration but she’s the mother and has custody of her so all you can do is worry about your own time with her.


Omg she is 5 years old… Why would she want to spend her weekends studying at her dads… Chill out and enjoy having fun with the kid…


First off, she is the MOM! You are step mom. She can do what she wants with her child. Although she needs to respect your rules she needs to have a sit down with y’all and the daughter and tell her when the daughter is at yalls house she needs to follow the rules. Kids don’t get held back in kindergarten unless the parent asks for it. Maybe the daughter has a learning disorder too. All kids are different. You said you have one he has 2 and y’all out expecting. Please learn now that every child is different. You said you talked to the mom but what did you exactly talk about? Her spoiling her child? Or the child respecting your rules?