My step-son is awful when he comes over: What should I do?

I’m a new step Mom to a 13-year-old boy. He spends most of his time at his mother’s house. When he is here on the days, his Dad has him, he is terrible! He can’t be left in a room alone, or he is tossing my cat into the air, going thru all of our belongings, fighting with my younger children, or just being foul-mouthed and loud. He is always running around the house and roughhousing. He is nasty every time he speaks to one of my daughters. He acts as I owe him the world, constantly making demands or complaining about something I’ve done. I have spoken to him on many occasions about making better choices. He knows the rules of my house what he can and can’t get into. I have overly shown him love and compassion for what he is going thru with his parents. He isn’t like this at his mother’s. She is very strict on him, and he respects her, which is awesome. I’m just trying to find a way to work through this without hurting him further and building a relationship. Everyone is saying to take time, be patient; he will come around. But my house is getting torn apart; my children get upset when he is coming over. My cat runs and hides. I literally shut myself in my bedroom and let his father handle him because I just can’t. All he wants to do is sit in a video game, and I don’t allow hand-held screen time at my house. So he terrorizes. I gave in once, allowed him to bring his game boy, and he ended up pushing my 4-year-old daughter against the wall because she asked if she could have a turn. I’m at a loss as to what to do. At this point, my only answer is to tell my boyfriend to move out. My house is supposed to be my children’s and my safe zone from this world. I don’t know how else to keep it that way.

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You have rules. If he can’t behave and his father doesn’t make him, then he cannot come

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I’m confused. Are you married to the Dad or not?

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Wait… is he your husband or boyfriend? And sometimes you have to allow things to be the same in both homes. It’s already hard enough to go back and forth between parents houses. Why can’t he play his video games? What are his other options to keep himself entertained. He should probably go talk to someone as well since he’s clearly having trouble with the adjustment.

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You answered your own question…if his father isnt going to get a handle on him…you dont stand a chance.

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It’s a big change going from mums house to dad’s and your house where you parent differently and have different rules. It’s a lot for their mind to comprehend. My step son (4) does the same thing, sometimes when he stays here he is an angel and other times he can be a little terror because he is actually overwhelmed bouncing from house to house and the changes that come with it.
You and your husband need to sit down and explain to him you’re struggling with your stepsons behaviour and you need him to step up a bit more to help and you both need to back each other up with discipline etc the more you and dad communicate the easier it will get.

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Then his father should get a place of his own if you guys are not married yet or teach him some manners when his there because it sounds like he could even harm ur children and u right thats ur kids safe haven they shouldn’t be terrorized in their safe place talk to ur man and let him fix that mess and let thr boys mother talk to him aswell

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I think you pretty much said it all “MY” house

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You should have your spouse talk to his son. Coming from experience, it most likely has very little to do with you and more to do with the relationship with his father. It sounds as though he’s testing boundaries, of course, but there surely must be an underlying cause for the extremity of his behavior.

You can’t do anything but let the father check him. If he can’t…leave that weak man

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Geez… For one, it sounds like the kid needs counseling. Abusing cats and children is not even close to okay or normal. He definitely has bad judgment skills and I’m concerned about the lack of empathy.
Second, I’d reinforce the rules waaaay harder. Hes testing his limits to see how much control he has.
Dad needs to step it up and deal with that shit or take him somewhere to hang out away from the house. And I know dad probably doesnt want to be strict when he doesn’t get to see him that often, but its either be a little strict now to get the kids respect and attention or lose that opportunity and watch things get waaaay out of hand.

His dad should be dealing with him not u Especially if its only early days

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It needs to be his home also. Not just yours. It is so tuff on kids to be in that situation!! Adults don’t get it. Is his mom remarried? His dad should be handling this

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If his father and mother aren’t taking control of this it’s time to set ultimatums to your boyfriend. Your kids do come first. His mother should know about this behavior and have it corrected. I’d be embarrassed to know my child was acting a hot mess in someone else’s home

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Sounds like he needs his ass whooped :woman_shrugging:t2:

His dad needs to step up and tell him to have some respect for you. He dosent have to lie you but he needs to respect and not be a bully to your little ones

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“I shut myself in the bedroom and let his dad handle him”

“My house is supposed to be my children’s safe zone”

Gag your going to be one of THOSE step parents :roll_eyes: let me guess your children are perfect correct?
I might be the odd one out here but eh that’s nothing new for me, but you sound like a brat :woman_shrugging: you’ve said it all YOUR cat, YOUR kids, HIS kid, YOUR cat
Take a look at it from this boys point of view, HIS dad sees him on weekends (I’m assuming) and hes there with YOUR kids all the time, how do you think that makes a kid feel? He goes back and forth and rules are different for each household then he goes to YOUR house and feels like what I’m assuming an outcast or like hes rotten and not loved (again yes assuming by how YOU wrote the post)
Welp the majority of us can see where this is going…

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Ewww… that is EVERYONES house, not just yours and your kids. His dad needs to leave you because you will never accept his child.

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Have you talk to his father about this, his son’s behavior?, sounds like the 13yr old could be danger to your daughters.

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Sounds like this kid has anger issues maybe family counseling is needed

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