My step-sons mom is trying to come back into the picture: Advice?

I need advice…see if I’m doing the right thing without making my kids feel left out. So I have four boys aging 7,5,4 and 3 years old. Three are my stepsons, and one is biological. We’ve had custody for about two years now; their mom hasn’t been in the pic. She only calls occasionally and moved out of state before she lost custody. Well, we found out that she’s moving back to this state because she and her dude split up. my thing is, is that I’m worried about being around her because I do not like her and what she has done to my boys…but I can’t get in the way of them seeing one another. (she only has visitation). So when/if she comes here I’m planning on leaving to go do something with my son…take us both away from it. I have offered the older two that if they wanna join, they can… I’ve told them I’m not leaving them out, just something I have to do so I don’t get in trouble, so am I doing the right thing?

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She visits at your house?

Nope you’re mom. You’re their comfort zone and all they know so dont leave them uncomfortable around her

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She’s going to visit at your house? Will someone be there supervising the visitation? You don’t have to be friends with her or really converse with her. If she’s at your house you can just be there and let them visit. If you really can’t be around her I would just tell them that you want to give them time together.

Be their mother. She lost custody for a reason. You’re their calm. You can discern is she’s going to be a healthy person for their lives.

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Do what is best for your kids bite your tongue and buck up

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You can only be there when they need you , she is their mum no matter what, kids know who truly love them ,they will totally respect you for it at the end of the day xo good luck with it all though

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You may not like her but she is mom. Y3ah she screwed up but she’s trying just because she messed up doesn’t mean she doesn’t love them more then you. They are her boys first and it she is really trying you better be on ur b3st behavior because wheather u like it or not she gave birth to them and they love her as much as she does work instead of encouraging them to go with u and not see her you should be encouraging them to give their mother another chance it could be life changing for all of them

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Why are visits at your home? Or can you not handle the 5 mins it would take her to pick up/drop off the kids for her visits? You could always have the father take the kids to meet with their bio mom for visits somewhere else. If for some reason youre not legally allowed to have the visits anywhere other than your own home (weird if thats the case) It sounds like youre doing the right thing by removing yourself from the situation instead of staying and making things awkward and tense with your feeling a type of way about the bio mom.

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If it was me, I would want to be there for the 1st few meetings. I’d want to make sure everything goes okay and be their if the boys get upset or are uncomfortable. Is there anyone else who could be there during the visits?

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Why would you need to leave? Have her wait outside and pick up her kids. No reason she needs to be in your house. I wouldn’t tolerate that.

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Please dont leave them in that situation. they need to see you make an effort to get along with her. Trust me I know it’s hard, I have an irregular mom to my two oldest boys. She pops in and out. But unfortunately that’s their mom and they’re going to love her no matter how much wrong she does. But you are their mom too. They love you and need to know that it’s ok for them to love the both of you. And have a relationship with her in front of you. Plus I know this is going to sound terrible and I don’t know your situation, they might need your protection from her. In my situation, she is harsh with them, laughs at their tears, just a heartless bitch. They need me their to be their rock, their comfort and their protection. I have no problem cutting a visit short and putting her in her place telling her she’s being wrong when needed be. They need you more than you know. Even if it’s just being a fly on the wall with a watchful eye and sharp ear.

Suck it up and be there. Those are your boys regardless. I went through the same thing for 2 years. Trust me, when hes older he’ll appreciate it. Just keep reminding yourself its all for him, not her.

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No, you have custody, so you need to show them that you are going to be there for them!! You are their only stability that the know!! Meet her at the library, or McDonald’s to let her visit, I would not let her come to your house, oh Hell No!! Goodluck mommy!

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Dont leave your own home. Be their rock even if she isn’t. They will see if she is for real or not, and see you being constant. Why should you go out of your way? What if she dont show or is late? They need you there.

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The only thing you are doing wrong is telling the older boys (her sons) that you are leaving to avoid issues. They don’t need to know the adult problems. The last thing you want is for them to feel conflicted between you and her.

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So she’s only coming back and wanting to visit bc her and her man broke up… She’s still not worth a damn in my opinion🤷 whatever you do just keep the kids best interest priority. Make sure they’re all comfortable with you leaving!

If she hasn’t seen them in years why didn’t you go to court for motion to modify? If she gets supervised visits make her see them at a supervision center supervised by social workers. Parents do not have the right to bounce in and out of children’s lives it does more damage than good. They have already learned her bf cones before them…disgusting. do not let her in your home! She can visit elsewhere. Screw that. Find her a new man and she’ll forget the kids soon enough.

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People can change. If she wants to step up, good for her. Hopefully she won’t walk away again… However, I have been in ur position and I know it hurts u, but u have to let her do her part if she wants to finally

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Sometimes you have to do things you don’t like or want to do for your kids… I’d be more concerned with leaving them alone with her the I would be with how much I like her… I’d say try to deal with your dislike for her enough to let them visit with her.

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