My teenage daughter has horrible hygiene: Advice?

My teenage daughter hates practicing good hygiene. She will run the water without actually showering. It’s obvious that she hasn’t showered, cos her towel’s dry, bath mat’s dry, soap hasn’t been used, & sometimes the shower is just bone dry!! I have caught her out on her lies, & now she tries to outsmart me by wetting the bath mat, wetting the shower, & wetting her hair down, then argue with me that she has showered. Lately, I’ve been confiscating her electronics, as punishment, cos all she wants to do is talk or play games online with her friends. We struggle with her never doing her laundry, brushing her teeth, washing her own dishes. She has been taught from an early age to be independent, do chores, help family & not rely on people to do everything for her. She’s already been diagnosed with depression/anxiety & is medicated, but I don’t know why she keeps doing this. I’m so depressed & frustrated at constantly repeating the same things to her multiple times a day. Her dad & I are separated but have a great connection; even he’s tried talking to her & supporting me. Nothings changed in months. Please, please help me. Much love

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So even being diagnosed and medicated may not be enough, she may need to be in therapy to help process the complex feelings that anxiety/depression can cause…

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I would suggest a therapist this all screams depression to me maybe its not the right medication maybe she needs it adjusted or just a different dosage

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I would make her a bath and wash her hair myself. I’d make her wash and brush her teeth in front of me if possible. I go through this with my young children (with teeth brushing.) Maybe her meds aren’t working? When my depression gets really bad I have trouble too😥 I pray for your family

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Once you get it done you can have…

Later
I’m taking this and either you can do A or do B
Ok once your done with B, you can have 30 mins.
30 mins later take it, once you do A, you can have 30 mins.

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Step one is to stop forcing her to do things that she doesn’t want to do. I promise you, punishing her for not showering is absolutely not going to help her or help ease her depression. Really try to be empathic, and understand that she doesn’t want to shower because of her mental state and forcing her to do it is driving her further away from it. I don’t have exact advice on what to do, but maybe try to relax a little? She doesn’t have to do it every day, or even every other day. Let her take her time. If you really want to go the extra step, create incentives for showering (bonus if it’s things that are known to help with depression).

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Also somtimes just listen to her talk, and hug her. Some kids love language is not what we expect

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I’m a grown adult and there’s some days self care is just not doable because of depression. Have her see a therapist or find a new med

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Id just explain to her she’s gona be the smelly kid at school, everything’s gona itch and thats gona suck to be her. Let her experience it she can figure it out :woman_shrugging: just be supportive and offer more therapy and stuff but sometimes kids just wana fight to fight. Give them the information they need to be educated and let them figure their shit out themselves and always offer support.

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depression for sure. i sometimes get in those moods myself. just be gentle with her and remind her.

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Start from the beginning. Start by talking to her. If you have a bath maybe try and entice her with that. Make her one every Sunday (Start with one a week and then increase from there) and pop some candles, bubbles and maybe a film on the ipad/tablet. Make it a relaxing atmosphere so that she doesn’t feel intimidated by it x

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“Her dad & I are separated but have a great connection”.

Bingo! She probably yearns for a 3-way connection, under the same roof. Marital strife leading to separation or divorce is devastating on children. Save her. You and your husband are the key. Since you already have “a great connection”, you can build on that. Don’t count on her being honest when you ask her if she understands the reason for the separation. She loves you both. She will tell you what she thinks you want to hear.

I’m speaking in general terms, without knowing if there was emotional or physical abuse going on, and, if so, to what extent.

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You can’t just give her medication in hopes that it’ll solve the issue on its own. Healing is a process, so, instead of telling her what she’s doing wrong all the time, be of emotional support and encourage her.

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Bath bombs and other fun self care bath things if possible. She sounds very depressed, and as someone with bad depression I understand how hard it can be to maintain simple things like this, but the self care stuff like bath bombs, candles/incense in the bathroom, bubble baths, herbal baths, etc make it easier to maintain because you can hype yourself up for some self care time

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Don’t get mad about it. She’s clearly depressed, medicated or not. She needs comfort. Try to pull her out of her depression first and watch her habits change. Offer things to do and try to keep her happy and out of the house. Don’t offer your opinion

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Don’t focus on what she isn’t doing focus on what she “is” doing and take some of the pressure off her.
The others are right it sounds a lot like depression, it doesn’t mean giving in and it doesn’t mean you don’t care, it means that you are her support, she is obviously struggling.

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Maybe needs a change of medication. Therapist

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Definitely get her with a counselor! That is depression. My husband struggles with the same thing to this day at 32 from when he was 12-14.

It has steadily gotten worse as hes gotten older. Try to heal her now if you can.

Thoughts are with you! It’s a family struggle and it’s not easy.

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My mom once sprayed my brother down with the garden hose🤷🤷

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I’d be sitting in that damn bathroom making sure she washed herself properly.

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