Needing advice about an IEP meeting

Question for school-aged Mamas and dealing with IEP meetings…my daughter is an only child and when she was younger had very little social interaction due to me working and family helping me watch her when I did work. When she was in preschool, they had a behavior specialist at the school questioning whether she was on the spectrum ( which I am adamant she is not…the issues she has had I went through the same exact thing at her age ). They decided to reevaluate a few years later; she had poked her head in the classroom and said everything was good; however, after a couple of bad days this year, the teacher wants to reevaluate with the specialist ( she is in 3rd grade ). I’m so nervous because I have a feeling they want to state she is autistic…which I am a 1000 percent without a doubt know she isn’t !! I guess I need to vent more than anything, but I guess does anyone have any advice for when I do the zoom meeting?


The spectrum is huge, my son is amazing with language and he speaks really well and is very smart and reads at an accelerated pace. But he is on the spectrum. His social behavior is… well he doesn’t get along with many people. He has a hard time controlling his emotions. Please don’t think just because your daughter may be on the spectrum that it’s a bad thing. My mother was autistic and no one knew unless she told them.

I’d say get her evaluated anyway, it’s not a bad thing to get done and it’ll help you and her teachers in the long run. If she is on the spectrum and it’s documented, it’ll make her school life easier because her teachers will be able to get the tools she needs for her while she’s there and it’ll make her school life more enjoyable for her.

Even before we knew for a fact that he has autism, we had an IEP set up for him. Just be truthful with them. This is for her, and it’ll help.


Don’t agree to anything! Take your time to read through everything. If possible have someone with you that can help listen. As a parent our emotions often get in the way and we don’t hear everything


Just listen to what they have to say and in the end don’t forget to voice your opinion and concerns. In the end you are her voice and you have to speak up for her. Maybe it’s not that and it could be something else. Getting evaluated will help and getting tested. If you still don’t like what they have to say then talk to them. My three girls all have an IEP for different reasons and I always make sure to speak up and let them know how I feel.


Most of the the time they aren’t looking to slap labels on anyone. They really are working to address the specific needs. Often times they do evaluations simply to rule out certain things so they can really get to the bottom of the needs. I am and Early Childhood Educator and can appreciate how tough this situation is from all sides. Ask as many questions as you can to clarify any concerns you may have. If behaviors are the stem.of their inquiry try to look at it from a different perspective. I’ve had to explain to a family after working with them for 2 years (parents were refusing evaluation) that I had two choices: there is a need not currently being met or the child is simply choosing to insert concern (example: not follow the rules, is hitting their friends, name call teachers, refuse to do assignments, etc). Either way, it is their job as educator to narrow down the cause and come up with solutions.

Since you are here asking for help, you are obviously a great Mom who wants best for their kiddo. As hard as it might be, forget the labels and try to understand the entirety of the situation by listening all the way through first.

Best of luck :purple_heart:


Hear them out and remember no matter what they may label or services they offer as the parent you do have the right to refuse services. My son is on an iep and it has done nothing but help support both him and his teachers so he can get the most out of schooling. You are allowed to bring a parent advocate with you to an iep meeting as well to help you understand all the processes


You don’t have to agree to anything. Let them evaluate her and see what they have to say. She may get some help you didn’t realize she needed. You are her advocate - go with your instincts. If the “iep team” agrees to something you don’t agree with, question it! Don’t sign the evaluation until you are fully confident and trust the findings to be true - coming from a Special Education resource teacher - I hope all goes well!

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With behavior, we have to take a lot of data. We have to observe the child at least 3xs plus have the teachers collect data. We can’t just say yea she is good. So with that being said the behavior specialist is part of the team and we don’t label anyone. We are to support children’s learning with Tools that will help the child. We teach the staff how to use the tools as well. You have the power and parents don’t know that. I’m guessing your daughter has had a tri. You do not have to sign anything. Especially if you feel they are not doing right by your child. A token economy works wonders, a first then chart, a fidget box that she could request, a break card . There is so much they could suggest.

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Been through so much with schools but you as a parent can deny them doing any testing or you can agree and also tell them your getting a second opinion my oldest dealt with that I let them test him but I also got a second opinion goes to find out he was bored and ended up being gifted with learning disability with critical thinking then my second son had so many issues but didn’t get support he was labeled the problem child goes to find out he was autistic

Being introverted doesn’t mean you have autism.

All through grade school people thought I was mute. When I did speak, they thought I had a speech issue. They thought I had reading issues too. Convinced something was wrong with me.

Wasted idk how long in special reading classes and speech therapy trying to figure it out :woman_facepalming: I was shy. I read 12th grade level in elementary. I have a slight accent. There was nothing wrong with me.

Being introverted, independent, quiet, etc doesn’t automatically mean you have autism. It doesn’t hurt to have the test done, but trust your gut.

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Iep"s aren’t bad my daughter is the step below 504 and there’s nothing wrong with it at all it gets them extra help and it’s very beneficial to them


Whether she is on the spectrum or not… the IEP would be great for areas she might need help in.

IEP is not just for autism it covers many learning differences and can be a vary useful tool , keep a open mind and keep the energy abt how to support your childs learning experience. My daughter was on a IEP and it really helped her and me navigate through her elementary years.

Early intervention is great with the iep but don’t allow them to put labels on your child. 2 of my kids have had ieps and 1 of them graduated his and caught up to state standards.

As a parent, it is your right to refuse testing etc.

Where im from the school can’t declare whether a child us on the spectrum. Eip is also for a lot of other factors.
A medical professional usually comes into play at some point too. If you know she is not, the med pro will also see it.
Seems some schools are fast to write off certain behaviors in this way for certain write offs. It’s not entirely a bad thing- it gives your child some more opportunities and help in different areas also bc they now have the ability too under the iep program.
My oldest is in iep and they have done a pretty amazing job at giving the 1 on 1 she needs, helping her through learning how she needs and being very clear about every process.

Listen to the teacher.


I worked as an educational advocate and also had a child on an IEP. I think you’re getting a lot of great suggestions. My child would not have graduated high school if she didn’t get the extra help specified in the IEP. That being said, an evaluation could be very informative. You could take her to a developmental pediatrician if you feel that would be better.

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Write a list of your concerns and tell them. Schools get money for having them in special classes. Not a bad thing to let them say their piece, but they should also listen to you. After all you are momma and momma usually knows her kiddo the best. Sometimes teachers just don’t know how to teach some kiddos. The kiddo and teacher may not mesh. It could be so many things. They are so quick to say nowadays this kid has this, that kid has that. Just because each kid isn’t a robot doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with them. They are kids. I’ve caught teachers in lines and they want to send my kid to the office. I don’t mind to stand behind teachers. I don’t allow my kiddo to disrespect but at the same time I don’t want the teacher disrespecting my kiddos either.

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An autism diagnosis is not the end of the world. The diagnosis could actually allow her to get help for the things the teachers are witnessing, and ill-equipped to handle.
My daughter is 16 and only now are psychologists suggesting she’s on the spectrum. Looking back, I thought I had a strong-willed child… now that child’s behavior has become self-destructive and at her age I need her buy in on all things (therapy, school, etc).
The ASD Assessment is not done by the school but by an independent organization. They in no way benefit by diagnosing your child incorrectly.
You mentioned behaviors that your daughter had had that you had at her age. I don’t know how old you are, but I am in my early 40s. How neuro differences are handled today verses even 10 years ago is pretty significant. Going back to when I was in high school, there was very little understanding of how high functioning ASD kids needed to be taught differently. HELL, I hadn’t heard the word Autism until the late 90s/early 00s. The kid in the class that didn’t react to social queues, that kid was treated horribly when really he could have been taught how to recognize queues.
Your child will benefit from an assessment. Either to rule out what the teachers are saying, or to get her the help she needs.