Needing advice about meeting my kids future step mother

I would just talk about the kids and what their likes and dislikes are and just ask about her life , just make it like your meeting someone else for the first time don’t think of it as your exs new woman and just take your time and see how it goes , also don’t make it like an interrogation lol or she will probably not say anything at all

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What’s the point? You’ve already decided you don’t like her even though you’ve never met her!

Have you ever considered that he’s lied to her about why he doesn’t see the children?

My ex lied to me, made out his ex wife was the bad person and was keeping him from them

Now he’s my ex, I know the truth

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Bi-polar swings can really get activated when major events trigger big neurotransmitter dumps. It might be helpful to call your therapist or counselor. They know you and your whole story intimately. So they will be able to really advise with your best interests at heart. No one on this page can really help you navigate this and keep your health in mind as well. You can do this. And do it with healthy boundaries. You just need some qualified help to navigate it. Good luck!

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As a step mom I know the situation is difficult. But if you genuinely speak with her maybe you feel get a comfort level when you kids are around her. Open communication is going to be good all around especially for your kids. Please don’t blame her foe the way your ex has acted. Good luck!

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Sounds like he didn’t want children long before she came into the picture. This man left you every time you got pregnant, but you went back and then got pregnant again… and you want to blame her? Knowing nothing about her? After 3 years?? This says so much more about you than it does about him, imo. Put blame where it belongs. Talk to your therapist about all these negative feelings you’re having before this woman comes over, so you can spend your time getting to know who she is, not why she’s with your ex or blaming her for his and your bad choices. That’s just my take, though.

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She may be the reason he is coming! If she is willing to be in an uncomfortable position like that, then that says something. He is the reason he hasnt been coming…he is a grown man. I would just let them hang out and talk about the kid. She isnt taking your kids out of your house and you are supervising. Relax and try to make it feel ok for the kids’ sake.

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First I just want to say how incredibly immature it is to blame this woman for him not seeing his kids. He’s a grown man, who might I add has only seen his son one time in 3 years. I highly doubt this started as soon as he met her. He already made it clear he was flaky.

I don’t understand why you would let someone bounce in and out of your kids lives like this. I would’ve taken him back to court as soon as he flaked out on my babies the first time. Too many women letting grown ass men do wrong by their kids, man you’re supposed to be their protector.

It seems to me the only person in this whole situation who is actually innocent is the girlfriend. Which is why I think you should start there and have some respect. I can’t stand when people make lousy judgement calls and blame everyone else. It’s absolutely unnecessary to make this all her fault. That’s a bitter statement from a bitter ex wife and until you correct your way of thinking, you’re always going to have problems.

He’s always been inconsistent with seeing his kids. It’s not nec accurate to blame her. She could in fact be encouraging him to be more involved. Don’t judge before you know. Just be positive and talk about the kids. It may go better then you think.

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My husband’s ex doesn’t talk to him at all. She & I are the ones that communicate & set things up for the kids. I hope you are pleasantly surprised & find a potential friend in her when they come around. Best wishes x

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My guess is they don’t show up. If they do, just be yourself and be civil and welcome her and treat her like you would meeting someone else for first time.as for him not seeing his children in three years I don’t think it’s fair to them to have him come to a party where so many others will be around. He needs to build a relationship with his children one on one.

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Guaranteed it isn’t her. And she is likely the reason he is coming around now. My ex husband only bothered with his kids when he was with a woman. And he would tell these women that I was keeping him from them. :woman_facepalming:t3: Just make small talk and keep distracted with the party so you don’t overthink things.

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Why is he attending the birthday party when he is an absent father…
You said he doesn’t have time for his kids so why are you assuming they are going to be spending time with this woman?

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What is the reason you don’t like her if you have never met nor spoken to her? If the reason is she is with your ex then you really need to look inside yourself and let that ship sail. You said you have a good man now, focus on him and those kids. She may be the reason he is coming around and seemingly putting effort towards the children. You will never know unless you try. Keep it simple. There’s no need to go guns blazing because you have a pre notion that she is the reason he doesn’t want to see his kids.

Chances are they don’t show up.

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I would take a breath…several.
I know it’s easy to blame her because you’ve never met her…but You dont know that she’s the problem and you dont know what he has or has not told her about you, the kids, or the situation.

My ex used to tell me the WORST stories about his first wife. When we split up…he told his new girlfriend even worse stories about me :woman_shrugging: conveniently leaving out that he was abusive…he had her all twisted up to the point that she actually followed my coworker around Walmart.
I’d have warned her if I thought she’d have listened to me.

I would start by simply introducing yourself and inviting her to do the same. Keep it simple to start. Her name. What she does. Maybe ask if she’s excited to meet the kids. That type of thing. Then just go from there with her sort of leading the conversation.

Hes invited clearly whats done is done. Now you have to focus on what the right thing to do is. Remember. It is not that woman’s fault that a full grown man who is fully capable of caring for his kids does not. It is not her job to mommy him into it. Its his job. Your anger is not at the right person. I would ask about her interests, hobbies, ect. See if you can help to establish some common ground, ask her what activities she would like to be a part of if any. Ask her if she has experience being around children. Then, wait and listen. Offer no information for an hour and let her spill her guts. Do nothing to push the conversation. Let her guide it and let her tell you everything she wants to say.

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He is the problem not her! Repeat! He is the problem not her!

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Shit, forget the stepmother, WTF you going to say to the father that has been absent in your child’s life and popping up on his party “like Hi I’m your dad”… what kind of emotional shit is that?..

Not all step moms try to keep the dad away!! My ex had 3 sons in the next county over and never wanted to see them. I pushed with everything in me until we would be in an argument but we would go see his sons. Eventually he chose drugs again and then the domestic violence started.
Just be mindful that it may not be her! She maybe the backbone of them going to your daughters party

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Doesn’t sound like there’s a point you’ve already put it in your head that you don’t like her also you have no idea what your ex has told her far as custody and visitation of those kids he could be telling her that he talks to them daily you sound like drama

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First of all unless she’s holding a gun to his head she’s not keeping him away from his children that’s his own stupid choice. Second just be opened minded small talk like where you work, are you close with your family? Not invasive questions but questions that new friends would ask each other

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