Needing advice about my daughters behavior?

My daughter is 3… I am overwhelmed and stressed out. I have two older children, boy (7), girl (6), and then she has a younger brother who is 2. I just don’t know how to handle things. I have issues picking out her clothes. So I will let her pick out what she wants to wear and guide her to things that match… all the way down to socks and shoes… she will put it on and still throw a fit about wearing it. Like screaming, throwing things, and strip naked. It’s stressful. And if I tell her to put it back on, she will hide it, or pee in it or whatever so she doesn’t have to wear it. She ends up going through about five outfits a day on a normal day. It drives me CRAZY. What should I do? She also is very bad about holding going to the bathroom. She used to have issues with constipation, so now she takes a fiber vitamin and stool softener, and she will hold it until I have to give her a suppository. She will not use the toilet or go in a diaper anymore. A pediatrician is sending her to a behavioral specialist, but i just need advice on how to guide her and help her. I am trying to be patient, but sometimes it is hard. Please give me some advice, and please don’t criticize me. I have talked with doctors and other parents, and I haven’t received much help. I just need help.

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It will be better when she is evaluated so you know whats going on and then how to address it…right now its a shot in the dark

Sometimes you just have to pick your battles. If she wants to wear something stupid but it will make her happy so be it :woman_shrugging:t3: as for the bathroom thing I’m no help my LO isn’t potty trained yet. But I’d keep working on it with her maybe reward system if she actually goes :woman_shrugging:t3: good luck hang in there !

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I have an autistic son and from my experience with him, it sounds like your baby might have a sensory dysfunction. It also seems like she knows how to push your buttons. My son will use his issues to try and gain sympathy or the upper hand. Once she’s evaluated you’ll know more, but you do need to make it clear to her that her behavior is unacceptable. Hang in there.

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Let her wear what she wants 🤷. That’s way too much stress over wanting her to match.

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I think you to have her evaluated. It sounds like there’s something more going on.

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I’d respectfully suggest you have allowed this to happen over the years it’s not suddenly started. So as it’s been a long time building it’s equally going to take a long time to sort. But you have to be focused and more “ parenty “ than you have been so far.

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Seriously consider having her checked for a sensory issue. I’ve seen this exact behavior in a child with sensory perception disorder.

just let her wear what she wants it might not match but oh well! kids don’t care about that

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What kinds of things are you doing to discipline her for peeing, hiding, etc her clothes?? That is so crazy she goes to such lengths over clothing! I think once she starts seeing the behavioral therapist itll help!

Sounds like sensory issues to me. I’d ask your ped for a referral to a phycologist or neurologist.

My son is like this. I put shirts & pants together on hangers. He gets to choose between 2-3 outfits. Much more than that is too overwhelming. Some days that’s too much. He’s not allowed to see the rest of his clothes. I keep them hung in the utility room. If he doesn’t like his outfit he chose we try to figure it out. Is the tag itchy, is it too tight, too loose, is the zipper pinching him, fabric wrong, is his skin dry today etc. I’ll let him pick 1 other outfit, take note of that outfit & reorder it later. If he strips off the second outfit I start walking out the door. You’d be surprised how quickly clothes goes on especially when it’s cold outside. Yes there’s screaming, yes it’s frustrating. But at 6 now there’s less of that. He still has his days, many of them. Just not every day.

How is she with food, blankets, over stimulating days, places or activities?

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It sounds to me like she may have a sensory issue. Wait for her to evaluated and go from there. Maybe just let her pick out whatever she wants to wear. If she doesn’t go to daycare, maybe just let her run around the house in her underwear. If she wants a treat or to go out and play then bargain with her, she’ll get this if she does this first kind of thing.

It honestly sounds like sensory issues. Id look into that.

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Try setting a few matching outfits out for her to choose from I wouldn’t worry about the socks and shoes matching. Make her sit on the potty once every hour to hour and a half for like five minutes. My youngest had a constipation issue also. She had encopresis. Google it. She grew out of it in her late teens. Definitely have her evaluated and go from there. Good luck mama.

Needs good sharp whack on the ASS.

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My daughter is kinda like this I let her choose her outfit even if it’s pjs and mommas rain boots. I don’t care as long as she’s dressed. She had bathroom problems but grew out of it. She wasn’t 100% potty trained until age 4. She used to pee in her toy box threw so many toys away. She is also adhd and slightly autistic. But we decided not to medicate bc it made her a zombie and we love her being her! Just let her be 3 she will grow and learn. I pick my battles with her but I’ve also had to learn to let go bc she is different and I love her so much I let her be who she wants to be. It is a challenge be patient.

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Parenting is a pick your battles type thing. You stated you have issues letting her pick her stuff out and then you guide her to things that match. Give it up. Seriously. Clothes are not worth the battle. Unless I’m misunderstanding what you’re saying, the clothes thing is literally a you issue, not a her issue. Let her wear what she wants. You have to find a balance somewhere.
As for the potty training, I feel your pain, my 4 yo had similar issues with encopresis. Try to find a reward that works, and have lots of conversations about how everyone uses the toilet. It took a very serious conversation with my 4 yo just before Christmas for him to explain to me that it hurts when he poops so he just doesnt like to until he has to (which of course then hurts more and the cycle never ends) he hasn’t it gotten it down 100% yet but since that conversation hes made some huge improvements.

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No advice here- but my daughter has been dressing herself for years now and i gave up pretty early on about her wearing anything that matches. She likes what she likes. She wont wear jeans and shes 8. Only leggings. :woman_facepalming:t4: the photo has an example of an outfit LOL.
Anyway i hope you can find some good tips on here, good luck!!

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Let her wear what she wants. Why does it have to match 🤷🤷 if it makes her happy then so be it. By “helping” her ur not actually letting her pick her own things.

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Wait for evaluation she may have a diagnosis that explains the behavior. My daughter has SPD and was diagnosed ASD amongst may other diagnoses. She too had issues with clothes. Still won’t ware jeans. It’s a SPD issues. I can recommend looking into early intervention Pre-K. It provides some therapy. Opens door to other services. The teacher and other parents are VERY helpful.

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