Needing advice about my stepdaughter

I need some advice from my 18-year-old stepdaughter. She barely comes around, and it’s been that way since she was 15. She says it’s because she is not comfortable at our house. My husband and I have done everything to make her comfortable. She was upset at Christmas because my husband decided not to get her anything because she hadn’t come over or talked to him for over six months. They talked, and she promised to come over every other Saturday from 11-5. She came one time and then for her birthday in March. My husband went all out for it because it was her 18th. She hasn’t been back. Now it’s time for her graduation, and he’s going in with her mom to throw her a huge graduation party. He has tried for a week to get ahold of her with no response. He wants to give her $500 for graduation, and I just don’t agree with giving her that much based on the fact that she never comes around. She refuses to get a job. She has a car that we got her for her 16th birthday. It has expired tags and no insurance right now. Her mom and stepdad just bought an RV and are moving to the lake to live, and my stepdaughter says she will not move there. My husband told her she is welcome to come live with us! She said no because we won’t let her drink or smoke in our home! It has caused some issues between us. Any advice on handling this situation is greatly appreciated.

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Let it be your husbands decision for the gifts. Its best to not even have an opinion. As far as her moving in, thats where I would take my stand.

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It’s his daughter and if he wants to give her that as a gift I would let him.

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She is 18, she don’t need to be drinking nor smoking anyways in your home. Your home your rules. Stick by them, or she will take advantage of you. Let her learn what life is all about. I’m a mother of 5! 3 in there 20s. They didn’t like my rules. They have all moved out. Now just working to keep the 2 youngers from not liking my rules. :rofl::pray: best of luck.

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Y’all have given enough.

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Keep the money, and tell her to figure it out then. It’s hard but if she needs a place she will come back.

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Let him give what he wants for graduation. Graduation from high school happens once in a lifetime. At the very least she could use it for tags and insurance.

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See if husband would take the $500 and re new her tags and get her car insurance started that way you both know where it went or use it as a deposit for an efficient apartment for her . Once she has bills she has to keep up with them. Just a thought :thought_balloon:

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Umm :thinking: I’m sure u don’t want to hear this but the phone works both ways so does her dad call her? I also don’t think her coming over or not should have made him not get anything for Christmas. My daughter never goes to her dads, she never calls her dad, I expect him to make the effort considering he’s the parent and she’s 17. I as her mother do still expect he gets her a Christmas, birthday gift etc etc. if she didn’t live with me she probably wouldn’t make time for me either I mean she’s 17 going on 18 with her own life at this point

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If he wants to give his daughter that amount of money then I’d let him. It’s her graduation :woman_shrugging:

Moving in well I’d have her move in too if she has no where to go, she’s your husbands daughter. Would just expect her to follow some house rules.

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I’d stay out of it all until it came to moving in our home.

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She should not be faulted for “not coming around” often as a teenager/young adult. Those years are difficult and it sounds like this situation is complex. Even if you feel that you did everything you could to make her feel welcome her feelings around being uncomfortable at your home are still valid. I would try and approach that with curiosity instead of getting defensive. Your husband should be celebrating her graduation and continuing to foster a relationship with her even if her behavior in recent years hasn’t been pleasing to you. It sounds like family counseling would be super beneficial. Good luck!

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I moved out of my dads place when I was 17 and visited a bit but not much but every year he has bought me things for Christmas and such. My brother left when he was about 16, dad again still bought him presents once my brother left he never returned and in July he had taken his own life. My dad has a Christmas and birthday present for him from every year. Some parents feel the need to give gifts regardless. Let them give them while they can. And all I can say is maybe try getting through to her another way.

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$500 is really generous considering my son graduated last year and we gave him $200. I would make your feelings be known to him that you don’t want him to give it to her but as harsh as this might sound it’s his decision whether he gives it to her or not. Does he reach out to her like before this past week when he’s called in no response. About the whole moving in thing I completely agree with you I have a child who’s going to be 19 in July and one who will be 18 in 2 weeks they still live with us and they still follow rules. She’s going to learn the hard way that she is not going to make it without help. Especially if she doesn’t have a job. I know a lot of parents don’t let their kids work or make their kids work however that was a stipulation with our kids that if they wanted to drive and be on the insurance policy they had to pay for their portion of the insurance. Some may not agree with us but we feel that it makes them better understand a little bit of what will happen when they do eventually move out because you have bills that have to be paid.

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Wow the only thing you should be aloud any say so about is your home
At the end of the day that is his child let him do what he wants for his child

This is why I will stay married until my kids are both 18 if I need too

Step parents scare me

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Stay out of it, it’s much easier. Let him deal with her the way he sees fit. Sounds like to me she just wants to do what she wants to do…and that’s not following your house hold rules! Give her the money $ and always have gifts for her. She’s young and one day she’ll probably changer her mind, and that’s ok too.

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I stopped reading at, “I don’t agree with giving her that much,because she never comes around”, who cares. It’s his daughter and it’s graduation. He should definitely give her that.

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My 2 girls have a step-mom and I had one for many years. Allow the father and daughter to have alone time. Encourage him to meet her for lunch or take her to a movie ALONE with him. She may not be coming around because, she just wants to have some time with her dad by herself. At least that’s what my girls tell me about their step-mother.She’s up their father’s ass and they feel like they have to pretend they want to be around her too which makes them never want to visit and when they do it’s not for long.

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She is 18 and sounds like a spoiled brat that uses people. Quit giving in to her and let her live life on her own and then maybe she will appreciate what others do for her

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Just a heads up… that $500 will be spent on alcohol, weed or other drugs. I’m not here to bash on smoking, I’m 21, I have my own house that is paid off, my car is paid off, I have a job, and my daughter has everything she could ever need or want. You better believe I step out for a smoke session. The difference? I paid for it with my money that I work for, after my responsibilities are taken care of. Seems like she is jumping from place to place wherever she can get what she wants, money, a place to party, etc. I’ve been on my own since 15, but I’ve worked everyday since then, and I proud of who I have become. I would never recommend putting a child out the way my mom did, she found a man and went. Maybe talk about paying 2 months rent on an apartment, try to set her up with a job interview. She is 18, and right now she is just believing the world will just hand her everything. After those two months of paid rent is up, she will be evicted if she doesn’t have the money to cover rent. It may sound harsh, but she will not learn any other way. I know I have went without, and I have lost things because I couldn’t afford them at certain times, and that only drove me to work harder. Now I have peace of mind knowing my house is mine, my car is mine, and I have a stable income knowing I’ll still have water, food and power. Life is hard, as others have mentioned. Put that $500 for her birthday towards an apartment, and let her experience “real life” after high school. That tune she is singing will change to a melody. Best of luck to you, bonus mama :two_hearts:

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