Needing advice about my stepdaughter

She’s a teenager she’s probably busy. I doubt she’s at moms house a lot either unless it’s to sleep. And that’s probably just because it’s closer to all her friends, school, job, etc. Her father could as easily call her too. You’re not being very fair IMO

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Stay out of it ,no you don’t want her in your house. She’s a problem and you’ll live a living hell ,to the point, you will be fighting with your husband.

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It’s her money too not just the husbands. They are a partnership not the husband rules the home. It doesn’t sound like you just came into the family a year ago and are trying to implement your thoughts! I would have gotten her Christmas regardless but 500 is a lot for a child who more than likely will blow it on drinking and smoking. Come to a compromise with your husband like 100 now and 400 when she decides to go to college. Or pay for tags on her car plus 100 dollars. He is already helping with her party. She should be great full for anything she gets and not just expect to be giving money whenever she pleases.

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I think you need to stay out of the mans relationship with his child.

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entitled child she should not be given anything without a job

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Her Christmas present is conditional?

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Let him give what he wants. You have said your concerns, but ultimately that is his child. He will come around…or not. But this isn’t a fight you want to get into. I have been the child and she lost, so as the stepmom to an older teen/adult child, I know that no matter what I lose.

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Sounds like shes a little entitled and a brat. Dont give in she needs to learn what lifes about before it creeps up and bites her in the ass! I was the little entitled bratty girl and it taught me absolutely nothing except how to be a spoiled adult and it did me no favors when i had to grow up and learn to be an adult! Teach her now or shes in for a rude awakening, been there done that!!

I mean this in the nicest way, seriously, I’ve been there, done that. You will not “win” no matter how old she is or the situation…that’s his daughter. Seems like there’s alot of hurt going on between them and THEY need to work on that issue.
Just stand by him even when you’re not ok with what he does for his child… That’s the only way you will stay married.

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Personally, I don’t base my children’s gifts on if they come around and see me often. Late teens early 20s they are usually busy running around with their friends. However, not talking to me or returning my calls would bother me. Tough one.

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I’m coming from the other side. My daughter is exactly like that with her father. I literally have to make her go spend time with him. She’s 13 and since he’s gotten a new girlfriend and they moved in together she wants nothing to do with them. She also tells me she feels uncomfortable at their house. Anywho viewing it from then”mothers” side, STAY out of it. If he wants to give her money LET HIM. That’s his child. Regardless of whatever!

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As a step mom it isn’t your place to put your thoughts in. I came from a very similar situation growing up. Except my stepmom and sad went above and beyond for her kids elaborate vacations… new cars… the whole 9. When I would go around i clearly was treated differently. And i hated going because I did feel so uncomfortable. The fact that she didn’t get anything for Christmas is heartbreaking. Teenage girls are busy and emotional.

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Wow this sounds like my upbringing. My dads house was the “stable household” and I could do whatever I wanted at my moms. Chances are she has feelings of being unloved or not part of your family. Try making her more apart of it. The fact that you guys didn’t get her anything for Christmas but invited her to watch everyone else open their gifts, is just gross. & this is your husbands child, not yours. To be honest, you should be keeping your suggestions and opinions to yourself if it’s not encouraging your husband to do more for his child.

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Damn u fault her for being uncomfortable and not coming around much??? My bonus daughter is 19 and still gets an easter basket lol… hell I rarely see her much and SHE LIVES HERE lol…

If she does not feel comfortable, confronting her a and faulting her is only going to push her away even more. Say your peace and move forward. As a blended family we offer the same to all of our children and grandchildren. Some we see weekly, every other day, monthly, and yes we have one we see twice a year. I offer, don’t push, and let him come around when he takes a notion. But we love them all and they know that. We treat all of our children the same. Now if they choose not to be a part then so be it. We plan a later time to get together, I even order and have Christmas and birthdays shipped to my grandkids. If you do not, they will feel it and so will your spouse and family. Most importantly not everyone is the same and you can only control yourself, do your part and move on.

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It almost sounds like the mom and step-dad have it handled as far as money is concerned, if shes avoiding him. I’d leave it alone and let the daughter work it out. I say this as a stepmother to a 21 and twin 19 year old girls. There’s just not much you can do at that age, besides hope they start to come around more.:woman_shrugging: and if not, they’re at an age that they can handle things with their mom. I came into their lives when they were 16 and 18. We have almost no relationship besides holidays with extended family

Just because your stepdaughter is 18 years old does not mean that her father doesn’t need to have a relationship with her. Relationships with teenage adults are complicated for any parent. she is 18 she’s immature Carefree and she thinks that she is an adult and knows everything especially if both parents did not teach her how not to be a spoiled brat have hard work ethic to pay for her own maintenance of a car. You can’t try to step in and fix what your step daughter is doing wrong because one is not your job you did not raise her and you are not her mom or dad. Remember that is still his daughter and if he doesn’t feel like you love his child of course it’s going to cause issues between you both. You have no say in what kind of relationship or if he has a relationship with his child. If him and the mom of your step daughter want to throw her a graduation party that is their decision provided it’s not coming out of your personal pocket. In my personal opinion her dad and mother spoiled her rotten and that is why she is the way she is and you won’t be able to fix that or change it. If they’re rewarding bad behavior she’s continuously going to be bad. I think the only reason your has been giving his daughter $500 should bother you is if it’s coming out of your money. You have a say what goes on in you’re house or who lives in you’re house but that’s it.

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Give her the gift or use it to get everything legal on the car.

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Let him handle his kid…but if she is disrepecting you…or your lives…stand up…and if she comes to live with you… if she won’t respect boundaries, you or her father (and she disrespects her dad when she doesn’t treat you well. ) say something But dont expect him to do anything about it… you need to be prepared to end the marriage.

Buying Christmas presents for a child should not be on the basis of IF she visits. She is his daughter. You try to control her life. I don’t blame her. I’d run from you both.

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