Needing advice on handling a situation with my mother in law

I would love to get some advice about my mother-in-law. A little something to keep in mind, she lost her 30-year-old son- my husband’s brother, to suicide seven years ago. She and I haven’t had a great relationship, I am very independent, and as soon as her son and I got married, I felt like she wanted me as her daughter to do things with. We did a few things, but we just are totally different people; it was always awkward. I always feel like she resents me for this. We continued to have weekly dinners, the 3 of us until I was eight months or so pregnant. As soon as I had the baby, she constantly was asking when she can keep him at her house, which made me feel uncomfortable. I had nightmares of her stealing him. First-time mom here. I eventually returned back to work, and she watches him at her house two times a week. Fast forward to now, a year later, she keeps asking when he can stay the night at her house, He’s only a year old, and my husband and I both do not feel comfortable yet, but she keeps pushing. When she watches him during the week, and I try to ask questions about how their day went and how he ate, she has responded, “I 'll let you know if he doesn’t eat well” or “I’ll let you know if theirs a problem”. There’s a big communication gap between us and definitely thinks that’s why I’m so uncomfortable letting him stay with her, she doesn’t tell me ANYTHING. My friends suggest she thinks to be “his mother” while in her care. She constantly says how he looks like her son and is always giving us his old clothes or baby blankets instead of my husband’s. I hope I do not sound rude because I genuinely care for my husband’s brother, I just would like unbiased advice on how to go about dealing with this situation and not make it worse with her.

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Find a new baby sitter. Problem solved.

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I think you’re over thinking the situation to be honest. I think most grandparents are like that. Tell her you’d feel more comfortable if she told you more about their day. I agree 1 is too young for a sleep over but it doesn’t sound like her intentions are Ill mannered

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ALL of you need to sit down and set down some “rules” and expectations.

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Sounds like a you problem, I don’t see a problem with your MIL.

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She is probably just lonely and wants someone to value her opinions.

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I’d sit her down and explain your concerns and try to come to a compromise with her. Maybe even ha e your husband talk with her about how neither one of the childs parents are okay with sleep overs yet

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Have you told her that you want her to communicate better? I cant imagine losing a son like that. And if I was doing something to alienate my only family left I’d want to know.

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Honestly doesn’t sound like she’s doing anything wrong

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I think she has some issues from her sons death that are not resolved. I would probably be a little uneasy as well. She’s looking for a void somewhere. First it was you and now she loves she has a grandson that fills the void of her son who has passed. Maybe have your husband take to her about seeing someone. If you’re not comfortable maybe do daycare for a while, just say he needs social interaction.

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I see no issue, my MIL also lost her son 6years ago at 20. I would love for her to give my child his clothes/blanket. The women just sounds lonely and enjoys having your son around, it seems to make her happy again.

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I think grandma’s naturally feel like their experience and motherhood is being threatened. First off, in most cultures grandmas are second mothers… She sounds like she wants to be your baby’s grandma and love your baby. Let her be a grandma.

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Stop letting him go over there, itll solve the whole issue, and if she ask why hes not coming over there be honest and just tell her. You can do whatever you want hes your baby not hers

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She doesn’t sound like she’s a psycho at all it feels like she has suffered a lot of loss and never will have grandbabies from her other son so I feel like she has bonded with this baby very strongly and having a baby overnight feels wonderful it makes you feel you needed and loved. maybe if you’re uncomfortable with him sleeping over maybe you and her can plan an overnight just you her and the baby so she can kind of have that one on one time with you…rent a movie from Netflix and watch it with you, her and the baby and have like a girl’s night and sleep over with the baby… See how she handles it. and while you guys have the girls night, you are there with your son AND also you can bring up any concerns about when she watches him and how you would like a little more details when she updates you. you are very lucky to have a grandparent who wants to be involved :heart::heart:

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Did I read this right?
You’re upset that your son’s grandma loves him?

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Maybe try talking to her about better communication when it comes to your son and maybe you and your husband stay the night with her every once in awhile with the baby maybe y’all can compromise but definitely tell her how you feel about the situation

I think you’re totally over thinking it she is probably just being nice by saying she will let you know if theirs any problems in other words do not worry. Every grandparent likes to have their grandchildren over for a sleep over xx

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it’s her grandson… she should love him that much … and nephews can look like their uncles so maybe your kid does look like him :woman_shrugging:t3:… just ask her to communicate better be like I want to know what he’s eating here we need ideas for home!

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I wish I had a fountain of wisdom to draw from. That’s a tough situation. Perhaps telling her that if she is more willing to tell you ALL about his day you MIGHT start thinking about it. You are in no way out of line in how you are feeling. That’s got to be so hard.:heart:

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Sounds like a wonderful grandmother to me, that loves that baby, and is bonded to him. I think a lot of mothers would love to have a mother n law like that. I would try not to over think it.

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