Needing advice on having the talk with my daughter

Anyone have any advice on having the ‘talk’ with my 11-year-old daughter. I could really use some guidance on the areas and detail to cover in this discussion. Maybe there is a book or good online resource which could be helpful. I promised her we would talk this weekend.


The American Girl books are great. I would also suggest asking her what she knows about the subject and if she has any specific questions. Make sure she knows that she can come to you with her questions and that if you don’t know, you’ll find out together. Reiterate the importance of learning from appropriate sources and not just what her friends tell her.

1 Like

Give her the basics about consent, periods, puberty, etc. Let her ask questions and answer them. It may be a continual discussion as she ages and develops more questions.


Answer her questions as age appropriately as you can but at 11 I can’t think of anything I’d leave out personally. Make sure to touch base on consent! And that when she or others say no that it means “no” not “convince me”! Good luck!!

We had our first “talk” at age 8. I agree that at age 11 there is NOTHING is off limits. Our local district teaches it in 5th grade health.

1 Like

I talked to my girls about body changes in steps a little at a time to build comfort talking about uncomfortable topics. I also got them the american girl books so they could look up things they may be embarrassed to ask me about then let them know if they ever want to know anything I am here. We have taught privates are private since very young I saw this and thought it was clever I know she is a bit old for it but still… Very good for teaching.

PANTS is a simple and clever acronym devised to teach children the underwear rule:
P. privates are private;
A. always remember your body belongs to you;
N no means no;
T talk about secrets that upset you
S speak up, someone can help. …
We all want to protect and safeguard our children.


I have these “chats” as conversations in the car on rides that are ten minutes or less. It feels more low key, we don’t have to make eye contact, and I can’t blabber on too long :joy:. I usually start by asking what some of her friends are saying about X.

Also we got a pamphlet from the pediatrician that helped with diagrams. Sometimes she asks some pretty awkward questions, but I try not to react so as not to shame her.

1 Like

Check with your local Health Department they may have a Girl Talk class. So much information

Let her ask questions and then answer as honestly as possible. How you present it depends on how mature your 11 year old is.

“The care and keeping of you” book is good for learning about body changes, hormones, emotions, etc. but basically I just let my kids ask me questions and I answer them :woman_shrugging:t2: openly, honestly and without bias.

1 Like

Be open and honest and tell her everything

1 Like

I have an 11 year old. I talked with her about everything I could. Shes very smart for her age and sadly she had learned lots of stuff from other school kids prior to our conversations but im always completely open and honest with my kids. They know I’m their safe place and come to me for everything. You can do this momma!!


I agree with the above lady . The American girl books are great on hygiene and everything else . Also , ask your pediatrician for any book resources they may provide on the subject of sex .

I don’t have kids but i wish my mom had an open conversation with me about sex and birth control it was kind of an untouched topic in my house. Be open and honest with her about everything and leave it making her feel like she can come to you for ANYTHING without judgment or anger.


I was honest with my son amd used medical terms. I explained it in a way of baby making. The women has a seed (egg) the man has a hose and waters the garden(vagina and sperm) hes almost 11. Then after that we talked about it with out the garden as an example and just what it was and he wanted to know how. So be prepared to explain how I told him inserting in and everything. He also thought women peed out of the area the penis (hose) enters so I explained the anatomy of the vagina amd penis. I didnt use books I just was honest. It wasnt a bad or uncomfortable conversation.

Just be sure you keep it simple and ask her questions, let her ask questions, her questions will help guide you to how in depth you are with your answers. Remember you are trying to inform her not scare the hell out of her.

I am brutally honest with mine. Just had the talk with my 13yr old son tonight. My girls 15 and 16 around 12 and 11 I had the talk. I was just honest answered all their questions told them the good and bad.

1 Like

It embarrassed my 13 yr old son but I explained to him as best as I could with what was happening to him. But I know if he has questions he can come to us or his brother. But being honest and not sugar coating is my policy. I wish my mom had talked with me more and was more honest about things…

Talk, talk, talk. Just start. It’s gonna be awkward no matter what. Take every opportunity to talk. My mother always told me “talk their ears off and pray they listen to at least half of what you say”. Ask her what she’d like to know and take it from there. Buy her age appropriate books.