I can’t tell you how much your situation matches mine. Im with my husband and were rooming with my mom and her bf. We have a almost 2 month old with colic. There are nights she screams so much i cant soothe her and she doesn’t sleep at all. Shell wake up after 30 mins past 5am and never sleep till well into the afternoon its extremely nervewrecking at times but i found walking and bouncing her close help to soothe her. You definitely need to find a relief system someone trusting to take your kid for a day or two so you can speak freely to your hubby. It could be he doesnt help because hes just as stressed and feels there is no end in sight it may be a relief to talk and come up with a plan together.
You need to speak up. My son is 8 months now born in March and I have a 6 year old It’s hard!! You think you seem weak if you say something or ask for help but it’s your husbands responsibility to. Cut back on the cleaning not your whole responsibility and speak to your husband then have some me time. I learnt this a couple of months back i put to much pressure on myself and I felt like rubbish.
Speak up and leave the kids with him. The longer you stay quiet…the worse it will get…what you allow is what will happen. Fuck that. I can’t imagine even dating a man that won’t help me😳
You are on my prayer list
Make a schedule time your day. My son is 4 and he still sleeps with us he has his own room. My 11 year old was the same it stops eventually… What I do with my 4 year old is keep him active all day. If he napd its early before 3pm for 30 min. By 7pm run around play tickle anything that is very active to get is energy drained. For little babies its usually visual stimulation. By 730 or 8 I make sure he eats something good that will fill them up. Then I do lavender baths and let him play in water for a bit. I use lanverder oil in a defuser alot it relaxes him. I set that up before shower. After shower lotion, pjs and a glass of warm milk and a nice and boring tv show in bed my son is out 9pm. Try this on both kids same time same schedule it will take about a week to get them use to it but you will have time for at least a long warm bath and about 5 hours sleep. ON one of YOUR HUSBANDS DAY OFF should be your me time this you have to talk to him about it. For me I do my hair mani and pedi myself don’t spend money I take care of me. Long showers shave and so on. I go for a walk alone with music get out of your routine that day but make sure hubby keeps kids schedule. Hope for the best stay positive. YOU CAN DO THIS.
Choir list if u live here u help here adults no work no food
Omg get the slack ass to help you, infact he should want to help you! and I’m guessing you both agreed on having two kids? He needs to pull his finger out , or you need to make some changes.
I’d suggest letting the other adults know to get off their ass and pitch in
If your struggling that bad either your husband needs another job or you need to start bringing income in as well
Throw everybody out and you and the babies stay home. If nobody can help get rid of them.
Dont have any more kids
If you keep doing your share plus theirs too, they’re just gonna keep letting you. Why would they do something you’re doing for them? You’re being taken advantage of my dear. Sit down and have a talk as uncomfortable as that is. “we all live here so we should all pitch in, not just me. Let’s delegate who is responsible for what” If they don’t do their part, leave it. LET IT SIT THERE until the person responsible does it. You have your own children, you can’t be a mother to them to. Only take on YOUR responsibilities.
Your husband should be helping with his child, job or not. That’s another conversation I would be having. He may not know you’re feeling this way if you’re not communicating it with him. “I’ve began to get stressed and overwhelmed, I could use a little bit of help with the baby when you get home. (Again, delegate tasks. “Every night you’re responsible for getting jammies on or bath time or whatever so I can go take a shower alone and have a min to myself”)I’d also like to have some time for us set aside every couple weeks for a date night”
Baby will never get used to sleeping in it’s bed if you don’t put him/her there. Start with nap times and work your way up. Put a T-shirt or something that smells like you in the crib to comfort him/her. I don’t necessarily agree with cry it out but to each their own. The older baby gets the harder it’s gonna be.
Stand up for yourself and your needs! Good luck mama.
No im in the same boat but. I. Own the housebut they moved in and now i have no say so. But im changing that. They are staying but things will be differant they will do the house work
You’re not alone. Covid is hard. Be real and ask for help from the hubby. Say it nicely. Nobody knows if you dont speak up and nothing will be ok if youre not. I said something yesterday and started with “you cant do anything about this” he came home in a very supportive fashion. Something that doesn’t happen everyday. As moms and wives we often put ourselves last forgetting that somebody needs to care for us as well
My advice is to speak your mind mama, ain’t no way I’d sit quiet and struggle with household duties while there are other able bodied people sitting doing nothing. Closed mouth will get you nowhere, talk about it, start out being nice and let them know you have expectations on chores and if it doesn’t work, lose your shit on everyone so they know your not playin. Just do it!
Four walls can enclose on you especially with the Covid and just coming out of that. You know what my friend we have all struggled at sometime in our lives where you feel so consumed by the little things. Have some time for yourself. I use to get cabin fever I call it. Get out of your house early in the morning and go for a walk for maybe 30 minutes. 15 minutes out and turn around on the 15th minute take in the view and the fresh air of what you are walking through. Helps to clear your head walking in the morning before the hot sun gets up. Listen to some music as you are walking or just take in the view as you are walking. No one can ring you and keep off face book. You will be surprised by just walking in the morning can do. Tell someone they are looking after the kids as you go for a walk or take your baby with you. I had to live with family until we got settled and that can be stressful. Get the one’s not working to help out around the house. You are not the maid and cook, cleaner period. Go to the local library in the aircon with your kids or jump on the bus. You are doing a great job as a mum and you just need support. Make sure you have a sleep get some rest.
Try talking walks with the kids fresh air and sunshine will be good for all of you. Try to have a lighthearted “family” meeting make snacks etc and suggest a chore list to split things up a bit let every know that you’re getting overwhelmed and could really use their help and cooperation. I know you’re probably cleaning everyones mess but if you take it away from them in their mind and then give it back to them as some random chore they will think they’re helping not just cleaning their own mess. Don’t assign someone with the chore that they are guilty of pick something else. Its sort of reverse psychology. Works well on kids and teenagers its worth a shot…good luck
Make an evening routine . Eat dinner, bath, PJ’s story time, in bed…Swaddle your baby in a t-shirt that has your smell onor your husband shirt works well. and put her in own bed. My 3 daughters still read before they go to sleep and they are in their thirties
Hang in there Mumma, but the 1st thing to do is get baby sleeping on his/her own you may have 2 or 3 nights with very little sleep but get family support with your older child, get out and walk them daily maybe to a park, the fresh air and exercise will help with sleeping,
Have a family meeting to sort out sharing the housework and make sure there is a routine for all,
Talk to you husband about sharing the parenting and housework too, discuss with the family how you share the bills too, and then discuss having some time together/ date night,
And remember you are not super woman if you need a break take one,hopefully you can get the family on board, make it clear that things as they are are a detriment to your relationship, you need that help now!
You’re only 1 person. This is a crazy time with no rule book or solid guidance. What I can say is I had similar trouble with baby wanting to be in bed in the past. Moving baby to the crib and dealing with 1-2 weeks of rough nights (maybe even less) is worth getting crappy and broken sleep for the next few months or longer. Short term hell is worth continuing bad sleep for the foreseeable future. Right? The longer you build the habit, harder to break (or so I think from experience). And mama- you need sleep!! Give yourself a reasonable task list each day and don’t try to do it all. Use nap times to do something for yourself. Ask those other adults to step up. Being a SAHM is not easy. Ultimately, you have to figure out how to refill yourself… advocate for yourself and don’t feel bad or guilty for doing so- because trying to pour from an empty cup will run you into the ground.