*NO BASHING* I do not trust my husband and want to leave: Please help!

I’ve been struggling for the last four years with an extremely unhealthy amount of distrust. After being together six years and having two kids, my husband and I finally got married four years ago. We fought constantly, but always worked things out. Four months after we were married, we had a fight, and he decided it was over, but he wouldn’t leave, and I had nowhere to go. He spent weeks not speaking to me and talking to females on dating sites. At one point, I found a hidden camera disguised as a clock sitting on our tv stand spying on me. I was absolutely furious! I went through his email to find where he purchased this, and it turned out that he had bought not one, but two spy cams off of eBay. He “couldn’t remember” where he put the other one, gave it to someone at work, just every excuse you could imagine. He honest to god thought he did nothing wrong, and his excuse was that he wanted to watch me fondle myself because I would never do it in front of him. Somehow we managed to get passed all of this. Fast forward a little bit, and we were at six months after our wedding. He’s been acting really shady lately, and I’m feeling some type of way about it. So we go out to Walmart one night, and as we walk in, the dead stops in the middle of the aisle and just stands there looking at this woman on the other side of the aisle. For a good five minutes, the kids and I are standing there waiting for him to stop looking at this woman and move on. Later that night, I was making dinner, and I was so upset that I dropped the pan on the floor, spilling it all. I slid down the counter in tears, feeling absolutely defeated. When he came to my rescue, I told him not to touch me, and he flew off the handle, told me he couldn’t stand me anymore and left. Hours later, he returns to tell me once again that we are done. Again, he wouldn’t leave, and I had nowhere to go. This happened on December 4, 2015. I was crushed! I found myself begging for the next few weeks for him to just stop acting this way. He would just laugh in my face. I started sleeping on the sofa, and he wouldn’t come out of the room unless he had to go to work or was going out on a date, not even to interact with the kids. I wasn’t sleeping, and he was only bringing home enough food to feed the kids. My little brother ended up having to bring me food and stay with me because I was literally dropping down to 60lbs. I’m super tiny as it is, weighing all of 84lbs most of my life. Finally, one day I decided to stop crying myself to sleep, I actually joined a dating site myself and met someone local that I had already known. By this time, my husband was already having sex with four different women, and one of them just happened to be a girl I’d been friends with since the third grade. He took another home to meet his parents, who already hated me for whatever reason they wanted to make up (I took their baby boy). So I’ve met this new guy, and I’m trying hard to get on my feet; I found a job, and I’m working hard to stand back up. My husband decides that he wants to come out of his room and start talking to my brother and me. My brother is talking about sex with him, and we all just start having a conversation about our new lives. The look on his face when I mentioned I’d been seeing someone was priceless. Two weeks later, on what would have been our seven-year anniversary, he comes into the living room, gets in his hands and knees begging me to forgive him. Naturally, I backed away and said, hell no. I told him he had a lot of nerve to do this on this specific day. This man absolutely broke me. I have never been hurt so badly in my life. Over the next few weeks, I agree to try and be friends and see if it goes anywhere. He’s still seeing someone else, and so am I. He starts telling me everything he’s ever lied to me about, and it turns out that the first four years of our lives were basically one big lie. As the days go on, he starts getting upset that I won’t just forgive him, dumped my new guy, and quit my job. Accusing me of meeting this guy while I’m working. This turned into a full-blown physical fight when I had to leave my phone with him so he could pick me up from work, and he went through my messages. He slung next into the door frame of my kid’s bedroom twice and stepped over the top of me, and walked out. My kids were lying on top of me on the floor. When he came back in, I had my kids against the wall on the bed, and I was sitting in front of them and told him to leave. He continues to grab at me and try to sling me around, saying I just want to tell my kid’s bye. When I wouldn’t let him near them, he called the cops on me. They gave me information on how to get help, let him factory reset my phone, and made him leave for 24 hours. My sister’s husband came and got us at this point. I couldn’t stay there because he would harass them also, so I had to go back home and basically forgive him, and at this point, he had also shown up at my new guy’s work and ran him off as well. Over the last four years, we’ve been working very hard to make things better. He’s honestly changed a great deal, and I appreciate it so much. We now have a four-month-old son, we bought a house, a car, and he has a steady job. I don’t trust him as far as I could throw him. I have PTSD from the crap he did to me, and the nightmares never stop. We still fight now and then like normal couples. Maybe once every few months, but it’s always the same thing. Trust! I have anxiety and depression, and I notice anything that’s even a little off. The last fight we had, he started the same kind of stuff. For the entire month of September, he wouldn’t speak to me until the last three days because my birthday was coming up on the first. During this time, he was adamant that we were through yet again. I walked in on him, masturbating with the phone in hand also. He would text me from the other room almost every night asking for sex. We’ve been doing super well since my birthday. Both have been trying to communicate better and talking things through when something is wrong. Just this past week, I have started to feel extremely uneasy. They say a woman’s intuition is always on point, but sometimes I feel that’s not true, especially with my trust issues. I feel insane, sometimes! Yesterday someone (family) came over to visit before going back to the base. While they were here, their sibling stopped by to drop off their baby with his mom. During our last fight, my husband had gone to their home to get some baby formula to try it before buying it because of our son’s reflux. He came home to tell me this girl came out in her panties and made certain to say she was a big ol girl. She came with her husband last night, and the girl isn’t much bigger than me. So, he unnecessarily lied to me and about something that didn’t even matter involving another female. I’m at my wit’s end, and I honestly just want to leave. I’m so tired of this, treat you good just long enough to pull you back in and then treat you like crap again nonsense. I don’t have anyone to help me. I’m a stay at home mom with a newborn and two other kids. There are no shelters in our area. It’s getting to the point that I don’t even care if he’s lying or not anymore, I just don’t want to feel these things anymore. I read a comment on here that said a lady had six kids with no help and still managed to get away and on her feet. What I am asking now is how. How do you do this? I’ve checked into daycare, he won’t pay until I can, and there’s a huge waiting list. Even with daycare, it still doesn’t open until an hour and a half after work already starts. I need help! I need a way out. I can’t do this anymore, and I don’t want to. If you don’t have helpful advice and all you have to offer are harsh words, please skip ahead to the next person because I honestly can’t deal with you right now.

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Find a different job with hours that work with daycare—leave, before he kills you all. There’s too many red flags here to ignore the obvious

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Well one… U had to call the cops on him and they would have forced him to leave. Hes mental. And you are scared for ur life. Maybe do call the cops and say ur scared of him. Put a restraining order on him. Then go about ur life. My ex was the same. So i did exactly that. They made him leave. Hasnt tried to come back since. Just court ordered dad lol … Good luck. Keep them babies safe

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Hes a narcissist for sure … Is there a cps office near by that can help you or a health dept … Or even the police station they have signs up with hotlines for help … Maybe start there ??? Or a friends house you can stay at till back on your feet …

Oh sweet, I can’t advise but I’m so sorry you’ve experienced so much horrid stuff. Sending lots of love. You and your babies will be happy and safe soon xxxx

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What state are you in? Apply for section 8 write up a paper saying your separated for sure, get a friend or someone that knows you as witness to this get it notarized and signed by both u n ur friend go to the wic, get foodstamps put him down for child support and save save save until your ready to leave

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My story is a bit different. But I’m in the same situation. I have trust issues. What about your family? Can they let you stay with them or friends?

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Move AWAY from your town. Doesnt sound like he helps much with the kids anyway. Does he even care about them at all?? Like find a shelter somewhere new and start completely over. I’ll be praying for you and your situation. P.s. you can find another job. Focus on getting away.

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You need to get out on your own stay away lose all contact with him

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Girl. Divorce, therapy, and birth control are your friends. Go to a women’s shelter and start down that road. <3

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Love, you’re playing the game too… Leave. Stop entertaining his bs. Every time he does something he gets a reaction out of you and he feels like he has the upper hand. Needing him to pick you up from work and stuff like that shows him that. I hate to be the hard ass because no one should ever be treated the way you have been, and I’m so sorry you are going through this, but you have to take charge and leave. I truly wish you the best :pray::purple_heart:

All I can say get on Your Knees and pray constantly God will make a way where there seem to be none he always does trust him.

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Go back to your sisters house til you can get on your feet

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Hunny he’s a true narcissist. It’s an endless cycle. It never ends. HE WON’T CHANGE. NARCISSISTS NEVER DO. THEY TRAP YOU AND FEED YOU LIES AND TRY TO CONTROL EVERY ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE…EVEN WHEN YOU GET AWAY THEY WILL STILL TRY TO MANIPULATE AND CONTROL YOU… Get out while you can!! Speaking from experience. I was with one. After years he even slept on the couch while me and the kids slept in the bedroom together. He never came in there either. I was completely alone doing everything on my own, he was just there . He used to text me from the couch asking for sex as well… the mental emotional abuse hurts so bad.

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I’m in the same situation with trust issues. Thankfully he isn’t abusive. Speaking from experience, once a liar, always a liar. And you’ll never believe otherwise, it wall always nag at you. I’ve been lied to, forgiven him, trusted he wouldn’t do it again, and got made a fool of once again. Twice again, technically… So he gets to stay at my house and help me with our child, but I have no romantic feelings or intentions to marry him anymore. We’re basically friends with a baby. I know this isn’t advice, but I needed to vent a little :woman_facepalming:t2:

First let me say that I am so sorry that you are going through this as well as your kids. I hope you do find the help you so desperately need! To me he sounds like a complete narcissistic person! Those types of people are dangerous especially to your mental health. You definitely need a support system that won’t flake when things gets out of control. And YOU also need to make up your mind and decide that you deserve better and STAY AWAY FROM HIM ONCE AND FOR ALL!!! Narcissist people will never admit their wrong doings and they will always blame you for the way they act “you made me do it” you need to run girl far away. It seems like he is unstable and can really hurt or kill you if it gets too out of control. Think about the kids and what they are seeing on a daily basis. If not for you leave for THEM!!! best of luck to you

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Call the vstional hotline for domestic abuse they can advise you

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He’s a psychopath and you know it , stop making excuses and listening to anything he says , pack your bags and leave immediately for your own sanity xxx

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This is way too long to read. You know what you need to do. Be like Nike

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You need serious counseling and your children they will need it as well. You’re fooling yourself if you think he’s changed NEWS FLASH HE JUST GOT BETTER AT HIDING HIS SHIT FROM YOU! you got pregnant by him AGAIN YOU JUST KEEP DIGGING YOURSELF A GRAVE LADY!!! I don’t get why women are so dang dependent on A PIECE OF SHIT MAN. YOU MADE YOUR BED HONEY YOU MIGHT AS WELL SLEEP IN IT!!!