Questions about being a step-parent?

I’ve got a question I’m new to this whole stepmom thing I don’t know where my place my husband lets his ex do whatever she wants when it comes to the boys he gets them every other weekend, and now she wants to come to pick the kids up on Sat for a little bit I told my husband that she gets more time with them than he does and whatever plans she has she needs to do it on her time not his well then she cries and whines and now telling my husband kids don’t like me, and her do not get along we have tried to several time she told me they, not my kids which I know this and understand it, but it’s my husband’s weekend so I think I should have a say-so especially since he discussed this with me he told her no but she said I have the custody I can do whatever I want

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She can’t take them if it’s his time and he doesnt want to let her have the time. And I dont feel like you’re out of line at all. You’re supposed to support a healthy relationship between him and his child. Men all too often back down and give in because of moms that play the power card.

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That’s between them. She is right… you aren’t the parent so you have no say. I hate when my ex’s girlfriend tries to get involved.

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If their dad has agreed with their mom to get them early, it’s not your place to keep them from doing it. They’re coparenting their kids and they know why they agree to it. At the end it’s their kids and they will do what what is best for their kids.

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As a stepmom, you can’t say much. Unless it affects you directly, you shouldn’t say anything :woman_shrugging:t3:

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Seriously? They’re not DVDs that you’re borrowing, they’re children! With feelings, needs, emotions!
If it’s something special the mum has organised with her kids that they will enjoy and the dad is OK with it I don’t see the issue.
Could always put your petty shit aside if you guys want to parent well and all go together, bet the kids would love to do stuff with both parents from time to time instead of always being apart from one or the other

If it’s in court papers that it’s his weekend then she can’t do anything . also know time and a place for everything. One day you may need them longer then agreement. Now she can do the same. Be bigger person and have your husband deal with his ex

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I don’t think she’s handling it the best… she definitely could be more mature. BUT unfortunately, just because you are with him on his weekend doesn’t mean you have a say in the situation. It’s between him and the mother.

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Doesnt matter about “not your kids”, they are your kids aswell, he is your husband, im guessing you live together, so that is your home. You do have a say, but express it to your husband and if he is going to relay the message to her, ask him to leave you out of it.

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Not your kid, not your business.

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She can’t just do what ever she wants. If it’s his time with the kids, she should stay away. If you can’t work it out peacefully, take her back to court.

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If he gets them every other weekend n it in court docs then she can’t just come take them

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They may not be your biological children but they are children in your life. Your husband deserves to have time with his children and you sticking up for your husband is not a bad thing, try to have him be the one that says everything to her though. I would honestly make sure you write down everything that is happening, every time she takes them when it’s his time, every time she violates the court order.

Also, don’t listen to these people that tell you it isn’t your business. Your husband made his children your business when he married you, and you took them on as your business when you married him. Love them, treat them like they’re yours, be their advocate, especially if mom is abusing their father the way she is.

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A fight between parents is one you can never win 28 years later believe what I tell you if dad is not willing to make some legal adjustments things will never change ever the choice is then yours bend break or leave

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Im sorry I have to disagree with majority of these comments.

When you get with someone everyone cries “when you take on a person with kids , you take on their kids too” yet, will be the same people crying that it’s none of the “step” parents say when it comes to anything with the child.

I believe the bio mother is over stepping, the father probably just is avoiding drama, as many men do… Allowing the bio mom to have full and complete control. I think you have every right to say something, I’m sure you want time with her, and for her father to have his rightful time… There is nothing wrong with that. Someone needs to speak on the child’s behalf, who needs time and a relationship with the other side of her family. Speak up. If there’s no Court order in place, have your man go fight for his rights.

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He needs to stand up to her instead if just letting her do what she wants. If this is a one time thing this Saturday, then maybe, but your right she should change plans for when she has them. I think you should have a say in things when they are with you, sorry but the whole you are not the real mom is bs

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I mean…you are their parent. Their bonus mom. Shes gonna kinda have to learn to live with that. :woman_shrugging:t3:
But if its court ordered he gets them every other weekend. She needs to make plans on those weekends not on his time. :woozy_face:
Thats just the way I feel.

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Nothing to do with you unfortunately I mean I’m sure u have some influence on your husbands decision …but if your husband wants more time with his kids he could have it me and my ex share custody and he gets 2 nights a week plus every other weekend and if the 2 parents can communicate and change things if needed it does help … I hate sharing but I personally believe every other weekend is not much time why should the dad only get 4 days a month

Yeah, she can’t just ‘do whatever she wants’. There are court documents in place and she has to abide by them. Sounds like your husband needs to find his balls and put her in her place.

Stay out of it. Father can either speak up about the court order or not- either way- the mother is under zero obligation to communicate directly with you about anything.

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